Hearing Once Again and April Fool Thoughts

 Today, I had a follow up visit at the audiologist office. Met with the assistant and she helped me get the APP and my phone in sync to use all the bells and whistles with this hearing aid. My goodness this is not my grandma's hearing aid. She asked me about noise and stuff and none of it bothers me. Just so glad to be able to pick up words and oh my, when the birds sing, it is fabulous. We discussed when and where to wear them and the piece they call the dome isn't as fragile as I told myself it is. Got the cleaning kit and now here is to good hearing and listening...and good balance. God has certainly made miracles with our brains and we don't even notice the agility of it as we learn and create new pathways. I was asked if the noise was too much? Never! The birds, the sound of the shovel hitting dirt for the flowerbeds, even hearing Roy chewing his dinner...it's all good! Well, maybe not the chewing part.  

So, in this parking lot that for years we used as tourists to turn around when we missed the entrance to I 40 is now our medical center. I am also thankful that this time and it is the third time a charm, that no weird happenings happened in the first floor bathroom. The first instance, the guy in the women's bathroom...not transgender, not identifies as a woman but a guy looking for someone young...thank goodness I am old and not cute! Last week a very talkative woman cornered me in that bathroom, standing in the entrance of the door, talking to me about the hand dryers they use instead of paper towels. Well, I wanted to point out to her she didn't even wash her hands but she made that point that it was just "them" trying to control us and change our behavior. Oh, yep, I think there is some of that kind of thing that goes on but not with the hand dryer. It spreads more germs than paper towels so when I think of it, I bring some paper towels from home. I finally had to make her move and she followed me till I turned into the hearing office, she peeled off and went out the front door. 

*****

April 1st, nine years ago today my father passed away. When my brother called I wasn't sure at first that this wasn't some huge April Fool joke, but my father had a rough couple of days beforehand. We always thought it was appropriate that he passed away on this particular day. My brother felt that our father had realized the error of his ways and Doug had a good two years with him. They told me during that time that Dad had changed but for me, it was no thanks, been there, heard that...When he had his lawyer serve us with legal documents severing the relationship, he hadn't counted on, we would take him at his word. The last addition of his very mean living life began for us on March 27, 2012. His cardiologist's nurse called to let me know my father had not shown up for his appointment. I happened to be in Houston that day, so I took off toward his home. After searching every route and calling who I knew to call, I was at his desk writing down phone numbers to begin calling whomever to locate him. He came home, saw me at his desk and I knew what I had to do. I showed my work that I was working from his rolodex, not anything else. I realized then I didn't have his license plate number nor what medications he took. I sat there with him getting that info. My energy ebbing and knowing I needed to return home...I was in the midst of getting used to new medications and such for my heart and I had X amount of energy. He watched me drive away and I could tell by the look on his face, this wasn't going to end well. The Lord spoke to my spirit and said, this is the last time you will see your father alive. It was just a matter of a few days before being served. Thus began the process of answering questions from Adult Protective Services, the Houston Police checking into elder abuse after he filed a report and his lawyer asking questions and the constable's office calling. He told his remaining friends lies and thus began false reports of us going to their houses too. It was a lot and my heart took a beating, so to speak. All came back as false reports. APS told me they had never met such a good liar in all the years. The policeman called me back, gave me his cell number in case my father came to our home threatening us. In all of this a couple of his friends called me to warn us that my father had posted letters at all his doors and he kept guns nearby in case he had to stand his ground. His pastor friend was so concerned and hesitated to tell me, he hates you. He has hated you since you turned five years old. He told me this in case I decided to go to his home unannounced. I assured the pastor this was not news to me. What I didn't know until much later is how deep that hatred extended. I mean, this is the man who swore all to secrecy, not to tell me my mother was in the hospital dying. My brother found a creative way to let me know and how funny is it that the knowledge came in the form of a prayer request on FB. 

Several weeks ago as we were leaving the Publix, I saw a man that looked exactly like my father. Had Roy look over that way and he said, oh my goodness, your father didn't die, he's been living here in NC. That is how much the resemblance was. Only thing, this man was not well off, using a walker to barely move trying to keep pace with his wife. I contemplated taking a pic but decided not to. In some ways I took this as a spiritual road mark, this look had been my father all along. Crippled with so much hatred and insecurity. Lashing out the only way he could. Through these last nine years as more information comes out about narcissistic behavior I understand. Being the scapegoat/black sheep was my role and now knowing who his biggest helper was, puts things in perspective of his treatment of me and of course the scourger of his plans, Roy. 

I didn't go back for his service. Roy didn't go either. There were friends of his there that would never, ever believe anything else but what he had told them. His closest friend did believe the truth after she talked with my brother and she and I talked several times as well. I love that every time she saw him at the assisted living place she shared the gospel with him, to make sure he was really saved. Gee, I sure hope so. After hearing about him stealing things at assisted living and accusing others, it is true what they say about narcissists, they accuse others of what they are really doing. 

Flourishing In The Courts of the Lord and In The World of Assisted Hearing Devices

  The godly grow like a palm tree; they grow high like a cedar in Lebanon.

13 Planted in the Lord’s house, they grow in the courts of our God. 14 They bear fruit even when they are old; they are filled with vitality and have many leaves. 15 So they proclaim that the Lord, my Protector, is just and never unfair. Psalm 92: 13-15

I have been thinking about this verse since the beginning of March. Flourishing in the courts of our God. Lots of word studies have been done and Bible studies written about flourishing. What I saw as flourishing several years ago is not how I look at it today. Takes a whole nother meaning. What I might have considered non flourish type things are usually delegated to youth and not knowledgeable about a situation. With these thoughts in mind, this week I did what seemed too far gone previously, I got an assisted listening device, otherwise known from the distant past as a hearing aid.  It has gotten to the point where I am missing a lot of words in conversations and trying to listen to the TV at a decent decibel range. Roy and I seem to have the same reaction when talked to at a distance...what? Pardon, I'm sorry, didn't hear you. Now, don't laugh but I knew on my insides that I was growing quieter and more inward because of the lack of hearing soft noise or high decibel. I remembered my mom, she had difficulty hearing but never got a hearing aid to help her. I think that might have helped the dementia come on sooner for her. On Monday, I had a visit with our new doctor and I mentioned the ringing in my ears and losing out on what is being said. She checked my ears for cerumen, fancy term for ear wax. I know at choir when our director talked softer, I totally didn't comprehend one word, at all. The Dr asked if I would like to get that checked out, yes but I really was hesitant cause I didn't want to go to Sam's and have a hearing test. The Dr made a referral to the audiologist office on the first floor of what we now call our medical center. That office called me on Tuesday and got me in on Wednesday. Long story short, hearing loss more in my right ear than the left. I had hearing loss from a virus in my early thirties. The last hearing test I had was part of the interview process at Pennzoil, oh say back in 1975. Cramped little booth but it is not like that today. These devices are not your grandmother's hearing aid. Wow! Now, if I can get past my nervousness in putting them in and taking them out, it will all be good. 

I am learning quite a bit about these assisted hearing devices and over the past couple of days gotten better or at least a little more relaxed with them. Today, I go see the assistant who will teach me how to blue tooth the phone and TV. My brain is getting all that new information to process so it must be working cause a lot of the fuzz and stuff has simmered down. 

So this week I feel like my hearing is flourishing and somehow my balance seems a tad better. I walked four laps around the church parking lot yesterday morning. It was so good to hear every word of the sermon and conversations with friends afterwards. The best, when Roy is saying something from across the house I can distinguish his words. The Dr said last Wednesday, some people need to take time to contemplate that step into the assisted hearing device, but I want to hear. Ain't no thing that it makes me look older, newsflash, I am older. These things come in different colors so mine match my dark hair with gray highlights. 

Senescence Is Just A Fancy Word For Old

 In 2015 the packers were at the house, getting for the big, partial move to NC. Those guys worked hard. Peggy came over to supervise the move. Gee, she kept putting things back. She was not too happy about the move. 

The beginning of the wonderful adventure of living in the mountains. God led us, walked beside us and pushed us just a bit, but Roy and I survived being in separate states until he retired. So thankful for all the PTO he had. Many times he left the office and went straight to the airport. He brought a backpack, that is all because he had clothes here. Best way to travel. 

Today, I am feeling like that adventuresome person on the inside but on the outside these past few days I have felt old, elderly, a senior citizen, geezer, there are so many. AI told me that these are some names for the seasoned people of life:

Common synonyms for aging include maturing, growing old, senescence, and declining. It describes the process of becoming older, advancing in years, or showing the effects of increased age. Other terms include graying, mellowing, and developing

This has come to light due to a doctor appointment. We changed doctors and we now go to what Roy and I call Our Med Center on Vanderbilt Park. The drive to Hendersonville with all the upcoming construction played a part in our decision. When the opening came up for this particular practice, we said yes. I think I truly answered questions like an old person yesterday. She had my records and we discussed meds and procedures and all that stuff. I chose a vintage blouse and maybe instead of being cute and with it, I looked old and nostalgic. Ugh! Because she doesn't know anything about how I got to this particular season of life, I had to refer to those times being an athlete, although I know I do not look like someone who worked out all the time. Believe me, I do not live in the past, I just sounded like it yesterday. In the true spirit of being older than Moses, I have an appointment with an audiologist cause I can't hear squat! So, this morning talking with the scheduler, I think, I know I talked like an elderly rambling brained idiot. What she and the doctor don't know is, I have said the same stuff all my life, but what you said at 40 doesn't play well in the 70s season of life. Hopefully, I do better today at the audiologist office. I think asking for them to email the paperwork might have bumped me up a bit. 

Weather or Whether, That is The Question

 My buddies, the cats, are sitting nearby with laser light focus on my phone. Cause when the phone and the sun combine in just the right way, I'm sure there is some kind of math involved but I am non practicing, there will be refracted light to chase. Sometimes when the sun hits the phone I get duel refractions and that keeps everyone busy. 

We have had a lovely two days of warm temps and maybe one more tomorrow and then the cold hits the fan. Some are forecasting accumulation snow but we shall see. So many trees and plants have bloomed out and this cold blast could affect peach crops this summer. After two good peach years, you hate to see it happen. Also strawberries. Oh my goodness. 

After the brief storm on this Monday morning the kitties are coming out from under the beds, finally. A tornado warning issued for Madison County and Avery County is not a usual thing. It doesn't look like none touched down but reading some accounts of the storm complete with wind and hail, sounds too scary for me. Ah, the memories of my first thunderstorm here eleven years ago and being a little higher in the atmosphere than fifty feet above sea level in Texas. Lightning felt much closer and thunder rattled your insides a little more. We have an iron bed here and we had one in Texas as well. I always thought about this unrealistic fear, that our metal beds would draw lightning. So, that first storm here, lightning hit in what was then an empty pasture but it felt like it was lightning knocking on the front door. I jumped out of bed and believe you me, my jumping days had been over for a long time and ran downstairs. Running days over too. Buddy, my BCFE, best cat friend ever, right behind me. Somehow, I have always thought our family has a propensity toward being struck by lightning. Tall for one thing but my grandfather was struck by lightning as a young man plowing a field. His rubber boots saved him. He told me whenever there was a lightning storm his leg would hurt. Years and years ago on N Post Oak Lane, I was walking Tiff the wonder dog and hour or so after a storm. Walking under some lovely trees suddenly a big flash, like a ball hit the ground and then thunder. It knocked Tiff and me back a few feet and we struggled to right ourselves on the ground. A man in a car stopped and asked it we were alright. Yes, a little shaken but not stirred. He was shocked and I was shocked, even Tiff shocked but in wonder what was that instead of being is shock because of the lightning hitting us. 

We had a tornado warning this morning, heavy rain, snow and now the sun is shinning. This truly has been a weather day. 

This morning I looked through FB memories and this came up from my blog. This was in back in 2011. Roy was taking a photography class and looking for photo competition ideas. Brought a little laugh this morning. We were both so scared when it happened. As good of a picture that this would be, a chapel in the front of the prison surrounded by fences with razor wire on top. 

Saturday, Roy and I went out for breakfast and then hit the road for a day trip to Huntsville.  He has class most Saturdays and since it is spring break, we decided we needed a little get away.  We ate a late lunch at the Farmhouse, shopped, he took pictures and then we decided to take the back roads to Madisonville and of course pay homage to all things Buc-cess.  There was a small blip on our pilgrimage.  Roy wanted to take a picture of a prison chapel that was surrounded by fence and razor barbed wire.  I'm thinking there has to be a reason there are no parking signs all up and down that road in front of the prison.  Long story short, Roy was swarmed by three prison guards on foot and a guard in a car pulled in front of Sequisha so I couldn't drive away.  Roy had to delete the pictures, they recorded his TDL and our license plate.  They escorted him back to our car and gave me a dirty look.  Here's the deal, you can't take pictures of prisons.  I asked Roy didn't they teach this in law school?  He said no and I plan to ask for a tuition refund.  Roy is none the worse for wear, but my blood pressure spiked and I had the worst headache for the rest of the day.  Johnny Cash songs were playing in my head and I thought about all the Lock Down shows I've watched while everything was going down.  Ultimately, Buc-cees was not quite as much fun as it would have been before the photography incident. 

Foggy and Fog

This is a warning, not for the faint of heart or for those whose patience can be tried with stream of consciousness ADHD thoughts. The past few weeks have held it all but not my attention span for very long. No surprise, so who knows how it will go or just maybe a steam line of thoughts will play out in a consistent and logical basis. I am chuckling to myself. 

I have learned from an article on fashion that MC Hammer pants are coming back in style. I saw some examples in a Anthropology email. Not to be forgotten in nostalgia, I also saw that stirrup stretch pants will be in style this summer. Talk about pants at the opposite ends of the fashion spectrum.  

This week included Dr and Dentist appointments. Time for the mole patrol with the dermatologist. Two freezes on my face and a biopsy on my arm. Drat that baby oil with iodine days of high school! The wait is not bad at all because they run on time. At first we older types filled the waiting room but I must say, the conversation between two older women is the best I have heard on the state of weather in a long time. These strangers became BWF, best weather friends,  in a matter of seconds. They read to each other the low and high temps for the next week but they used different weather apps for comparison. The weather fun stopped when one was called back behind the golden door. The woman left behind looked for another patient with weather on their mind but we all looked down at our phones. 

Roy and I have decided to try and go out to eat once a week or at least once every two weeks. Not a hard or fast rule but we are in a rut of eating at home. Who ever thought I would write that? Not me, for sure. We have some options that we like and several new places to try. 

We now come to that difficult season, feels like spring but too soon to wear spring clothes. Next week a little bit of winter returns but those heavy wools just don't fit into March seasonal wear. I am better prepared for late summer into fall. Along with MC Hammer pants and stirrup skinny pants comes the "new" colors for spring and summer. Lots and lots of neutrals. This seems across the board from most of the stores or labels I buy. Funny, used to be a big Flax person, still somewhat. When I was a tourist here I went into a store in the lovely Biltmore Village. They had carried Flax previously and couldn't find any. She said she quit carrying Flax because the styles never changed, the colors rather pedestrian, and since Flax is made to last, why buy one more item of clothing that you have lots of in your closet. Made sense and although I still purchased Flax clothes that thought lingered. It influenced me and now that Flax has gone online only, it is helpful to not run into it at stores. J Jill still interests me and a few other brands as well. I was thinking the other day about furniture phases...went from cheap-o, to Eddie Bauer's (when they sold furniture), Basset, Crate and Barrel and Pottery Barn. Have a lovely mixture now.

It is now Sunday and the work I did yesterday moving some boxes etc... caught up with me this morning. My lower back was tight and I surely was feeling it. Continued getting ready but had to make the decision to call or text in that I would be missing in action this morning. I put some stuff on my back and got out the heating pad and slept for two hours. Feeling better but I'll be hitting the heating pad in just a little bit. 

So today is International Women's Day or something. Wasn't it just International Cat Day? I cannot keep up with these made up days. I thought today was my back hurts, so I didn't make it to church day when I really wanted to make it. I went to bed early on Daylight Savings Time Eve and I had one rosemary cracker to celebrate National Rosemary Spice Day. Roy celebrated International Women's Day by making a cup of hot tea for me and he stirred it with a fork. I had to do my National Make Sure They Aren't Experiencing Dementia Day by asking did he know he gave me a fork. Yes, he knows because he used it to get the crystalized honey out of the bottle. Tomorrow is I Will Not Let Roy Forget He Made An Early Morning Eye appointment on the first Monday after Daylight Savings Time. Ugh! 

We celebrated the First Monday of Daylight Savings Time in the dark, on back roads, and freeways. To add to the general malaise of losing an hour, we battle fog. Oh my, this fog was worse than August morning fogs here in the mountains. Roy said it was a London fog, thick and cold. He had the best description going. Not only heavy fog in the country it was also heavy fog in the city. Truly it was a battle especially on our back roads that always carry the threat of deer crossing the road.  After Roy's appointment we drove through still heavy fog to The Moose Cafe for breakfast. It was delicious as always. Even at 9:30 when we left the moose, you guessed it heavy fog. We decided to punt on going to Barnes and Noble and returned home, in heavy fog. Finally around 11:00 it lifted but that one strange morning and being on point watching all elements is exhausting. 

Looks like my ADHD didn't command too much of a take over on the blog post. 

Glad, Happy, Joyful

 Wednesday evening as we left the choir room and stepped outside, if we slowed for just a moment, there a choir of birds sat in the tree across from the church spilling their hearts out with songs they have sung all their lives. Maybe they were responding to our songs we practiced and sang because the choir had an exceptional night of picking up the new at least for this time around music of the Easter season. I stopped and listened to those delightful notes from those songsters across the way. They even added some choreography for the fun of it. Even here at the house the notes from birds has increased. The birds return as The Feral Fam decreases. 

Enjoyed my first book club meeting although I didn't like the book we read so much. The group all expressed mixed feelings but after discussion I liked it better. I used Good Reads for reviews to give me the pertinent info. One note of what we all picked up on, the mindset, guidelines, nay I say rules put on the 1950 through the early 1960s for women. When we discussed that we all had strong opinions on those rules and how they were typically enforced then reinforced. When I was a kid I worried about the getting my hair curled and fluffed and lacquered with hairspray once a week. I couldn't even think about it cause although I have spent a lifetime worried about my hair, I don't like to give hours and hours toward it. Really, we all know someone who has held onto those scripts from yesteryear and they don't hold much happiness to those who partake. They are required or so it seems to been seen a certain way, respond a certain way and keep those confining scripts in tact. Surely, they will come back in style. We talked about our next selection and we are going to read The Extraordinary Deaths of Mrs. Kip. I just finished it and was my recommendation. Just realized that Mrs. Kip lived life during those same times but countered all of them by living a full, meaningful and at times somewhat difficult life. 

I missed Bible study but my signs unto me were popping up and I know when that happens to take it easy. So, that's what I did. 

We had very few snowflakes on our way to church on Sunday but it was really, really cold! Roy's UGG boots I ordered for him arrived on Saturday so he was able to wear those to church to keep his toes nice and warm. We get to go back into the congregation after the choir sings our anthem. So that is such a nice thing to add to the service. Love sitting with Roy for many reasons but one is, he keeps up with the note taking and I can grab a glance now and then to keep up. 

This cold snap has the best of both worlds. It is a short snap and the snow that fell didn't really stick. The roads were a problem until they were sanded or salted. I sat in our front bedroom and watched the snow whirling and dancing down to earth yesterday afternoon. I also finished reading The Correspondent. I really liked it and reminded me of my friend Beth. We have known each other since the 6th grade and once we graduated from high school our lives were on different paths but we wrote to each other earnestly and faithfully. We discussed many  issues, joys, problems and things that were difficult to understand. I kept all those letters and only culled through them when moving. Now, we don't keep in touch that often but I know we could pick up right where we left off. 

Last night after choir, I didn't stop to listen for the birds. That's okay other good happenings were going on in those few minutes from the door to the car. Choir practice felt hard last night but that is due to the fact I don't sight read and depend on hearing notes. With several new to me songs I listened more than sang. Also, the voice was raspy and the notes, high. The whole raspy voice thing has to do with tiredness and heart issues. Just like a sore throat is a sign unto me, I am pushing it and it would be for the best to step back inside those parameters. 

We are happy that LSU WBB won against Tenn last night. I was glad to talk with Peggy for about an hour last night. Serious conversation with more silliness conversations being in the majority. I am joyful over our study of Mark 13 yesterday at Bible study. 

Procrastination

Today, is one of those days that I take the time to remember. Recent events and some so very far in the past. Yesterday, I did something I usually do not do, I watched several hours of TV. The combo of LSU Baseball and Seinfeld reruns. I watch in snippets not having the attention span for several hours. 

I had seen on FB that the baseball fields in Westbury Little League were dedicating plaques and such for the 1966 Westbury Little League team that won the LLWS. One of the boys on the team lived next door and another one lived around the corner. The boy next door is a Dr, Chiropractor, and I think he still has a practice although he is probably in his early seventies. As I looked through the pictures I saw names of boys who I had gone to elementary school with. Growing up next door to one of the boys was not easy. My father was always at odds with them over using our front yard as part of a football field. My mother was jealous of the mom who lived there. Beautiful and very thin. If my father talked to her or talked about her, my mom was not too happy over that. It seems to me that the father might have been an alcoholic but memory does not serve me there. It also seems that were problems between the next door mom and dad, but I was too young to know. My goal was to keep out of sight and away from any confrontations with the two sons. They always had water balloons. Ugh! As I looked at the pics from the weekend it led me to looking up the obituaries of the mom, dad and daughter. I don't remember them being particularly religious and it was evident in the obituaries. Suddenly, the people who had been the bane of existence in childhood felt like a heavy load. I don't remember inviting them to church, they would probably bring water balloons 😇. Even after being in high school and no longer nervous over a surprise sprinkling or deluge, no longer running in the same circle of friends, my father put up a hedge between the houses. I just looked up the address and that hedge is still there but not serving in the original purpose. Another thing I noticed with the pics and comments from long ago neighbors, some still run with a lot of bitterness. Some thought it was a high school reunion type thing that only the popular kids got invited to. Several years ago I posted some volleyball pics from back in my senior year and a long time schoolmate took umbrage with me that she didn't play in games and had to do scrub team work but I wouldn't know about that cause I played. I responded to her comment that I never felt secure in my position with the team because the coach didn't like me and she appealed to another girl on the team to lose weight to be able to take my place. I did dress out and was on varsity all three years, but I didn't know from year to year what my status would be. I did know in high school my status was not cool kid and I got over the desire to aspire to that "high calling" rather early in life. Happily even now living as a nerd with traits of dorkiness. 

With a false spring week we are taking advantage. Got the water filter cleaned and little things here and there that have needed attention are getting attention. Roy got the last of the remnants from the weeklong stay from some of those who took advantage of the Inn on the Catmore Estate. Roy loaded up the truck with stuff for Habitat and a little later I'll do some sweeping up on the back porch.  

We had a choir party on the 8th after church at the pastor's home. It was great! Last Friday The Travelers group from church went to Pig and Grits in Burnsville, one of our favorite restaurants. WE enjoyed lunching with friends. Roy and I made a quick visit to The Find. Always such fun to look at everything. While I am not actively trying to acquire things I did see a couple of tempting sheep things. I have enough. I find myself in a vase, candle and tapers season. 

I am de-crystalizing honey this afternoon. I have joined Roy in a hot tea season and using honey, local honey as a sweetener. Some of it has crystalized so finding out microwaving would lose nutrients and such, I am doing the warm water bath on the honey. Making progress. Roy has gone to his first appointment with our new doctor. Roy put us on a waiting list in August and we did a meet and greet last Monday. We've filled out all the paperwork for the process. I asked for an appointment in March cause I want to get some of the weight I gained over the holidays lost.  Just heard from Roy and he is really pleased with the doctor and staff. Yay! 

This morning, well actually I knew last night, I was getting all the "let this be a sign unto you, Nancy" to step back and rest. I missed Bible study this morning but it is always about keeping in my parameters. So, it has been a laid back day. Did get a few things done. I miss studying together but book group will be fun. 

This has taken some time to finally get ready to be posted. Sometimes when I write about those long ago times that were pretty darn tough to maneuver through I think about a whole bunch of stuff. One thing is, in junior high school, That says enough right there, but every once in a while my father would tell me to go over to this neighbor girl's home. Ha, he said he was worried I would never make friends yet he devoted a lot of time trying to usurp any confidence that I had to make friends. Lots of times I'd just go outside for a while cause even though that neighborhood girl that went to school with me was the biggest drug dealer at school. Her nerdy looks covered for her. Now if she dressed like a hippie they would have taken care of that in a heartbeat. I can't even remember her name, maybe Linda or something but they finally figured out she was the one dealing the drugs.