The most noticeable change is my ability to whistle with my nose and throat and on some nights the two coordinate into a lovely duet that wakes me up. The whistle noise in my nose either sounds like a New Year's eve horn, no more wasting money on one of those things now or a rotary phone. A particular rotary phone because the sound from my nose sound is exactly like the clicking of the rotation of the telephone dial on my grandparent's 1940's style phone. It was loud and rather ratty tatty. Much to my chagrin one night on our trip Dena had to call across the room to me that I was making noise and I sheepishly asked if it was the whistle noise and she said yes. We were telling our friend Edward about this at breakfast because you know in the beauty of the mountains, nose whistling is a hot topic of conversation and young Edward told me, use nose spray...it will help. He suffers from this same debilitating condition. Oh the humanity! His (Edward's) truth marches on in that the spray does seem to fix most of the nose noise but not the throat whistling. Maybe keeping a glass of water by the bed...no that only means I will knock it over as I reach blindly to find it...make it a bottle of water by the bed. All this is probably due to lost air capacity...you know like a balloon. As we get older everything looses its tautness and thus the escape of air through those tiny pin holes in nose and throat. Lord, I can only think where this path is going...
Something else that seems to creep in when one turns into the six o's are thoughts that turn toward finishing well. Not that leaving a legacy kind of crappy way of thinking, filled with that churchy le femme kind of false thinking of legacy but being obedient to God, doing what is right, taking a few chances out of the comfort zone, keeping my thoughts on the high road and not growing weary, in a weary land. Of course I have opinions and thoughts on all these things, but here of late keeping my thoughts, thus effecting my actions, on the high road has given me much to ponder... In a nutshell the good old I Corinthians 13 walk in love thing; patient, kind, not jealous or boastful or proud, or rude. The good old fashioned way of not being irritable and not keeping a record of being wronged...doesn't rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. That kind of love that never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. That my friends is the kind of love that never fails, because you know, it is God's love. We fail miserably in our own generated "come on now, suck it up, gut it out" tries at love. Agape is the only way...or as we said in high school, all the way with a-gap-e. Sometimes it scares me thinking of how many who came before me in our family were and are crazier than Cooter Brown...I don't know Cooter, but I have heard he be cray-cray, and I wonder if it is a true heredity kind of thing or if it is a chemical imbalance kind of thing or if just maybe, some of the crazies could have been contained if they had Romans 12:1-2ude it? It is probably a combo of all three and as far as it is up to me I can at least work at controlling my thoughts and bringing them all into the captivity of Christ as life goes toward the finish line. It used to aggravate my father something fierce when Grandma kept a tab and balance on who called who, who came over last, whose turn it was to do_______ . Sadly, he has and from what I hear continues walking in those same pathways. Hurt feelings, slights, anger, bitterness, yep, we all have the opportunity to chose what we are going to do with those things. The less time we give to them, the easier it is to let them go and continue on. Sometimes that is harder than writing about it, but once it becomes kind of a habit, those things lose their importance.
Nevada Barr, mystery writer, published a book eons ago called, Seeking Enlightenment Hat by Hat. She wrote at the beginning of her quest of finding Christ and figuring out how to live, so you probably won't hear her at the next women's ministry event...too rough about the edges and language please! Same could be said about Anne Lamott to the church ladies...but she has brilliant insights while being honest and real in expressing them. I read this excerpt today and will leave you with it, while I try to take the high road on a couple of things... I know I will be happier and more useful if I make that climb.
Wise words from Anne Lamott
‘Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor. It will keep you very scared and restless your entire life if you do not awaken, and fight back.’
‘Pick a new direction, one you wouldn’t mind ending up at, and aim for that. Shoot the moon.’
‘Forgiveness means it finally becomes unimportant that you hit back. You’re done. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to have lunch with the person.’
‘It’s good to do uncomfortable things. It’s weight-training for life.’
‘The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns.’
‘The road to enlightenment is long and difficult and you should try not to forget snacks and magazines.’
‘Pick a new direction, one you wouldn’t mind ending up at, and aim for that. Shoot the moon.’
‘Forgiveness means it finally becomes unimportant that you hit back. You’re done. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to have lunch with the person.’
‘It’s good to do uncomfortable things. It’s weight-training for life.’
‘The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns.’
‘The road to enlightenment is long and difficult and you should try not to forget snacks and magazines.’
How can we find purpose?
Sometimes purpose is enduring situations that we hope not to be in forever, in order to get to somewhere more creative or that might pay out more in terms of laughter, friendships or sense of accomplishment. If you don’t know what your purpose is, tell someone. Or write a note to God and say, ‘I am adrift. Could you get back to me?’ Then try to keep your sticky fingers off the controls of your life, and set your intentions – to have peace of mind, keep your sense of humour, get some exercise, and eat less sugar!
More Wise Words from Anne Lamott
Still, all these years of healing, recovery, and radical self-care later later, I woke up yesterday, with one day off from the Small Victories book tour--although I was doing a huge fundraiser in SF that night--and I was just mad as a hatter. I'd had a nightmare, and it took me a while to re-group. (When I was still drinking, it used to take a cool refreshing beer first thing in the morning to get all the flies going in one direction.) I prayed, and yet I "knew" I could not do the fundraiser that night, or go back on the road to seven more cities today. As my Liverpudlian mother used to say, "It's all over for England." But Grace, that mysterious spiritual WD-40, spritzed me, and I did the only thing that ever really helps. I picked up the 400-pound phone, and called a girlfriend. I asked for help. She listened; I was close to tears. I told her all my scary truths, both narcissistic and full of terrible self-esteem. And she said the great, chemotherapeutic words: "Me too." She did not try to save or fix or rescue me, because only Love or Goodness or Howard--or whatever you want to call God--can do that. But then we started laughing. Then she prayed on me, and we talked some more, and she told me to have a huge bowl of my hippie health food cereal, and perhaps a tiny fistful ful of M&M's, which I did--when all else fails, follow directions--and I had one of the happiest days I can remember.
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