My battle against weeds continues. It is a battle fraught with hope and discouragement, work, planning and then more work. While laying out cardboard yesterday there were a few tiny weeds trying to poke through the spaces that don't line up exactly. For now it will be a pull by case basis until the reinforcement rubberized mulch border arrives sometime next week. Since we had beautiful weather and pleasant temps, most of yesterday was spent outside working on the flowerbed. It is forecasted to be much warmer today, so that will limit the time but there are a few more boxes to be cut apart and laid out and eventually covered with the mulch. In the past when these projects are started, patience hasn't been a companion. It was rush, get this done and move onto the next task. Well, now I just say, there is time to get this accomplished. Teasingly this is called my job and my PE class.
It got too hot too quickly so outdoor work came to an end and a move indoors was necessitated. I did get some cardboard laid out. I thought about doing some work in the backyard. I wish I could tell you how industrious I have been inside but sadly, that would be fake news. But there are a couple of items on the to do list that have been taken care of.
Today marks the 8th anniversary of the day of the official separation began between us and my father. That day as I had spent most of the afternoon looking for my father because his cardiology nurse said he did not show up for his appointment. Long story short he came home and I was in his office...writing down phone numbers of his friends and the constable for that area to begin a search for him. I knew it would not bode well and that no matter what I said and showed him what I had written down. that once I left, the conspiracy thoughts would envelop any sane thinking he had left. We sat there in the family room and talked, I wrote down all his meds and then when I was leaving, he threw out the idea we should go look at assisted living for him right then and there. Health-wise that day had been a drain on all the meager energy I had. I also knew he was not serious about assisted living and with it being after 4:00, it wasn't a good time to start looking. He took that as an insult. I reminded him I was not well and dealt with serious heart issues and he pretty much accused me of faking an illness. He couldn't understand why I would not call the nurse at his cardiologist office, she was so smart. No doubt she was but my cardiologist developed the procedure that was saving so many lives, he was on the cutting edge and my father was furious I wouldn't talk to his nurse. Of course, it was an attempt to acquire information and thus turn into control for him. That day while backing out of the driveway and waving to my dad, inside me the thought came...this is the last time you will ever see your dad alive. And you know, it was. From that point on and on April 12th while being served with papers by his attorney, he severed his relationship with us, legally. Then his harassment began with bogus reports to the police, constable office and adult protective services. Roy has said to me many times during the last five years, North Carolina saved your life. In the midst of all the accusations of coming to his house, putting a tracker on his minivan, tapping his cell phone, turning on water, turning on the stove and stealing from his garage, I was in North Carolina so many of the times. My brother found out the yard person was setting a lot of that up to be able to embezzle money from my father and my brother put a swift end to that part of the story. My father's friend John, who was the closest thing to a pastor he had at the end since he was fighting with the church he and my mom had belonged to since 1960 or so, called me once and asked if I had read the letters my father had put on all his doors addressed to us. No, cause I didn't go over there. He said they were some of the meanest words he had ever read. He asked me, do you know your father hates you? Of course I did, his hatred began when I went to kindergarten and I was more interested in making friends and going to school than thinking of him. This I also knew, while any one of his posse spoke to me, they would soon find themselves in the position I was in. He turned on everyone. Everyone was cheating him, stealing from him and plotting an overthrow to take all his money. He fired the lawyer that served the papers. He got rid of most of his posse. I'm glad that John was able to stick with him to the end and that his friend Thelma was so helpful to him. Once she realized all he had told her about us was a lie, her attitude changed regarding his accusations. While all of this was kind of a shock to the system it was also so freeing. So much stress was entirely gone once he was no longer a part of our lives. Like I said he tried hard to make his deluded accusations stick and I think it was his way trying to get back with us, thinking we would call and confront him about the falsehoods, but we didn't take the bait. He could not call and say I was wrong and I am sorry. I thought we were free and clear, my father and me when the beginning of those days with my mom declining and then eventually passing away. He had instructed my brother and Nancy not to tell me my mom was in the hospital, possibly facing death. He was able to keep that news from me because my mother no longer spoke, just spoke gibberish, so it wasn't eventful not to speak with my mom when I called. I just happened to be in the cardiologist office when the news was leaked to me and cleverly I might add. When I called my father, we spoke of clearing the slate, of forgiveness on both of our parts and we were able to walk with him during the sad days ahead. But, I took the bait, he just said what he needed to say to manipulate the circumstances in his favor. My father was a smart man and throughout most of his life the only thing that held him back was sadly, him. A little too late we learned about narcissism and only then could we eek out freedom in a survivable way. We didn't know his behavior had a name. It seems the meds he was on, he was on so many accelerated his hallucinations, fears, neurosis and once my brother and the wonderful assisted living place he had found for our father, took him off all those meds, our dad settled out a little. Like my father had never been diabetic, he told that lie for years. Doug had two good years with him until our father died on April 1,2017. Thinking back on this day of eight years ago, I don't think my father ever thought he would need help from anyone. He was a cunning and skillful lair. He was able to keep his lies straight and his fabricated ingenious stories in line for the most of his life. Sitting at his roll top desk, surrounded by file cabinets and organized papers, he was king of content, until he got older. He couldn't keep lies and stories straight. All those years of lying when there wasn't a need to caught up and he found himself mired in a mess he had concocted himself. I share this from time to time because this story has hope, this story shows God's faithfulness and just because we find ourselves involved with people whether they are family, friends or coworkers who suffer and yes make us suffer from a narcissistic personality disorder, there is victory. The practical solution is starving the narcissist but the truth and victory only come from trusting in God, asking for His wisdom and be as wise as a serpent but harmless as doves. Also there were years of visiting a therapist. She gave me a road map as well as the encouragement while entangled with duplicitous ways to be set free.
I was writing this on the 27th and have come back to it a little to make changes here and there. In the past years, I know I have written about this incident and the fallout we felt and experienced. Each year that has gone by, I rejoice in the victory of being set free and that God made it all possible. How he impressed Roy for us to pay off our home in Texas. We expected something bad to happen but it was to be able to free us up to buy our home in the mountains. If we had a mortgage the lenders would think this more of being a second home and not inclined to loan us the money. God weaved together the circumstances to be able to live here in much better health than I would be back in hot Texas. If I reflect on time in my childhood, and mainly that is to write or at times encourage someone who has a similar background, I can see the hand of God and how there were people He sent that helped me along the way.
Tomorrow, my father will have been dead for three years. Five years tomorrow, the moving van arrived at our home in the mountains. This year I am more aware that the bad times and the times of deliverance are bundled together in a time span of dates but separated by years. It kind of has that biblical time line feel to it. The other day my brother and I were texting, catching up and we both mentioned and then gave thanks that at this time of Covid-19, we aren't stuck in a house with him, quarantined with him. "My chains are gone, I've been set free!'
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