T-One Day and Counting

As noted before the last three months have been a countdown till this Tuesday. I have tried to do everything possible to go into this surgery prepared physically, spiritually and emotionally. There are successes and there are failures in this three month time period. It has been a keeping my eyes on the prize kind of thing. Along the way the directions given to me were keep from triggering afib as much as possible and keep your stress at a minimum. For the most part I feel like I gave it my all to do so although that sense of panic remained barely under the surface of things more times than I would like to admit. There have been many a night's prayer after waking up in the middle of the night a tad panicked. I have kept the Word close by and in me to answer those qualms and fears. Basically, I have been on the countdown for this surgery most of my life. As a child being severely pigeon toed made my legs ache and hurt. All the years I spent playing sports kept pressure on my knees. It seems that in my 30's my knees began to turn inward even more. When all my heart things started, I had to stop taking anti inflammatories and OTC pain relief. Those were some painful years. The injections started in 2007 but I did not keep up with them consistently until the last four years or so. Holistic meds and procedures helped a lot by keeping the ache to a minimum.  I have a lot more pain to endure after surgery but I am motivated and ready to tackle rehab full spot on. I cannot remember not being in pain, I want to experience rising and sitting a little more normally. I know I am not going to run or take up tennis again, but I want to be able to enjoy walking and working in a garden.

Several verses and stories from the Bible have given much comfort and strength. A new verse in the cue is in Ephesians 6, having done everything to stand...stand. I've been reading all the path verses found in the Psalms and Proverbs. But two of the stories in Mark 5 have had my attention. The story of the woman with the issue of blood and the story of Jairus' daughter. I once heard Beth Moore say, I think in Sunday School, that the story of the woman in Mark 5 was the least preached part of the NT by men...guess it's like when women are studying the OT and the whole circumcision thing in Bible is not that familiar to us. But I digress....I like the woman's faith and that is truly the story. I identify with all the doctor going, money spending, and cure seeking that has happened over the years when it comes to my knees. And even though I am not a little girl, the story of Jairus' daughter brings me much hope. I am holding onto those verses where Jesus takes her by the hand and tells her to get up...

• She immediately stood up
• She walked around

They were totally amazed and overwhelmed....those who saw this. And if as right on cue, I just got a text from my sister in law and she wrote, you are going to AMAZE the surgeon and physical therapists with your attitude, determination and persistence....

Then Jesus said, give her something to eat....So, that's my plan having done everything to stand, stand. When it comes time to PT and the first attempt at getting out of bed and sitting in a chair...by walking over to the chair....I will immediately stand up and when the opportunity comes to walk around, those witnessing the process will be amazed and overwhelmed. And then a really good part, give her something to eat and I will be thrilled to be past the JELLO and broth stage of recovery. 

If this wasn't enough to strengthen me and focus me, the Lord did a wonderfully, kind thing yesterday. As some of you know and some might not know, but for these three months I have wrestled with doubts of my recovery from surgery. My flawed thoughts being, I have found so much happiness, purpose and love at our home in NC. Surely, God wouldn't let me return to such joy and happiness...you know you think things like, well...if it is my time to go...I know where I'm going... but I would also say to the Lord, you know I want to spend eternity with you but could you let me have more time in the mountains? I so love living there and finally feel like I am living someplace where I belong and can serve out the rest of my days with purpose and who you created me to be. Those feelings seem to dissipate on the road to Texas. That good old resolve came back the closer I got to the Lone Star State but in the past ten days here, I have wavered a bit and found myself thinking again, will I recover and come out of surgery? Will my heart be strong enough for the length of time under anesthesia? Of course taking six times to get an acceptable EKG reading took me down that road.... But God!

This past week in my daily reading of Mark 5 I had this fleeting thought...wouldn't it be so kind of the Lord if I heard the verses that have come before significant seasons in the recent past in my life. Fleeting thought, didn't give it another speck of time...until yesterday morning in Life Bible Study, which for NC friends just means Sunday School. Carole Lewis taught on five major fears we experience and that hold us back. In the course of this great teaching, she read and commented from John 21. Yep! There it is! God's kindness and compassion right there and it truly made me want to shed a few tears of joy. God is interested and involved in the tiny details of life. Your life...my life. Some might think since I am older that the verses that speak to me is verse 18...

 18 “I tell you the truth, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others[a] will dress you and take you where you don’t want to go.” 

Well, it is true but the story beforehand of Peter and the guys going fishing and breakfast on the beach with Jesus. It is what you are doing in those waiting times, changing times, and transforming times...In the big picture I have a sense of waiting and in the immediate, I am waiting to recover and rehab these knees to return to the smokin' hot....literally right now in this season of drought and fires, mountains... Pray for WNC....for rain and the end of the drought.