Yes And Amen To The Moon And Back

Well, I didn't see the lunar eclipse or the moon this morning even though the Buddy alarm system woke me up in time to see it. Early rising wasn't the factor, it was a bad westerly view. The early rising wasn't a loss because there was a beautiful pinkish hued sunrise. With the early rising the Feral Fam got breakfast sooner than later and they are all present and accounted for. Yes, little Cali is back. Y'all, I thought she was a goner because up on the gravel road where the Fam romps and plays and sometimes naps, I saw the remains of something that once was alive and because it was in the tall grass at a distance that doesn't look like it would be the smartest or safest thing to do, the obvious conclusion was drawn. Cali is a constant with Mama Cat, she never wanders too far off. But there she was in the late afternoon. I always look for them and then call out kitties...kitties and then whistle. There was a faint meow. None of them have ever meowed toward me...I called out again, heard the meow coming from a bit of underbrush and that beautiful Cali face...I praised the Lord loudly...Cali came closer and for a moment it looked as if she would come up right beside me, but she tailed off under the deck and observed from underneath and around the steps. Soon the whole Fam joined her and this heart rejoiced to see them all together. Daddy Cat came back last night and once again my presence in the window caused a retreat. He is probably not here checking on their welfare...that's for sure.

In the spring and summer when fruits and veggies and produce stands that sell them begin to become plentiful. I froze blackberries and NC strawberries for such a time as this...winter, more specifically for these cold, it's better to stay at home days. So, I actually began digging into my fruit stash and first up, blackberries already cooked and sweetened. They were so good on biscuits.

There was plenty to keep me occupied today. Had to go pick up a prescription and also check on a heart med that has been on back order. Thankfully, they had the pills so they told me to come back in about an hour. Went to the bank and to the grocery store. Publix has been carrying Topo Chicos but they have been out for several weeks. Went to the customer service desk and they checked on a delivery, which they think might be later this week. I sure hope so. Roy has me hooked on them now. Stopped by the CVS picked up the second prescription and headed home to unload and put up groceries and feed the Feral Fam their afternoon snack. Then off to Fresh Market to pick up a few things there and back home. I am making Taco Soup for supper and the fragrance of that soup is wonderful! It will soon be time to eat some.

The weather guru of the area says it doesn't matter what the groundhog says, we will have six more weeks of winter. The temps are up and down and the wind...oh that wind can cut right through one. As the light is fading and dusk is upon us the Feral Fam are out there on that open patch playing and running and tackling one another. Well, at least the kids are...makes me wonder if Mama Cat and Daddy Cat have met someplace without the kids. Oh no...that doesn't bode well. The solar lights give them a few more minutes to play but darkness doesn't usually deter a cat... Buddy has wandered downstairs, ate a bite and is now looking out the window. This wonderful time of winter and the quiet season will wind down soon enough. I can feel the stirrings. Today, in the truck, while running errands I began to put together thoughts into sentences and sentences into paragraphs of what I have learned and continue to learn. I do know that every step of the way the Lord has been there and His peace has nurtured my soul. Things I didn't understand have found their way back to me in a way that explains and also to be able to see how those things meant for evil turned out for good. Yes! Amen! 

I don't have new year resolutions but one that Peggy and I have talked about is trying to talk more often. We will go weeks, a month or so without talking and then we find ourselves on the phone for hours. We got a quick check in, she had just got home from swimming and I had just got in from The Fresh Market. She took some beautiful pictures of the moon this morning.

The Quiet Season, Part II

Since I can't seem to load any recent snow pictures this pic from 2010 at the Inn on the Biltmore Estate will have to do. We have received a dusting of snow overnight which is nothing like this in the picture above. This morning the little bit of snow is more visible in the backyard than the front. The problems the lite snow is causing is black ice on the roads. Schools around the area have been cancelled and very few cars and trucks are on the road. The overcast morning is beginning to see some light and blue skies are overtaking the gray. We should be above freezing after noon.

Last night was not a good sleeping night. Buddy was overly restless and couldn't decide whether to stay or go. I awoke once in the night with this crazy thought, there is nothing I can remember about my fourth grade year in school. Yes, the teacher's name and the fact that she had remarried during the summer, she was a young widow, but that is it. All the other elementary school years there are significant and mundane memories but nothing at all about the fourth grade. Weird...yes, that kept me awake for about thirty minutes. That thought and then the thought that I was a battalion chief, maybe in the fifth grade, for fire drills. I had a badge and when we had fire drills my job was to run down the fourth and fifth grade hallway, turn off fans and close room doors if they hadn't been closed already. I thought I was pretty cool doing that and I don't know what or if anything I did to get that honor. Except last night as I was trying to think through the fourth grade it occurred to me, what if there had really been a fire? Would they expect me to run through that hallway and turn off fans and close the room doors?

Another middle of the night thought...yes, because this is all so interesting she wrote sarcastically...my thoughts on yesterday's blog about choir...about loving choir but at the same time kind of being off and on about it...Back in those long ago youth days, I longed to be a part of all the fun that seemed to come with choir but circumstances like not reading music or just having a blender kind of voice wasn't going to help. It was also back before some found that humor in a performance could be refreshing and God honoring...but I didn't know really back then I could be funny. Seems like back then being funny was considered a behavior problem...guess it still is. Yet, I love choir for the friendships. I would add the obvious spiritual factors but I don't feel like being all churchy le femme this morning.

It is looking rather sad that the Feral Fam is down to three. Cali hasn't been seen for several days. That is unlike her because she kept close to Mama Cat most of the time. I thought Camo had been lost too but miraculously, she showed up last night. In fact the Feral Fam sans Cali came back last night and I almost missed them because it was dark and it was beginning to snow. Of course I went outside with food and then went back inside to wait for them to finish up. Even empty bowls attract possums. Daddy Cat showed his scoundrel self for a little bit. Mama Cat kind of chased him off and then my presence in the window caused him to retreat up to the gravel road. Hey, there would be no date night on my limited watch last night.  This morning I traipsed outside in my jammies to get some food out to them.

This morning before closing off this post I want to write some wise words written by Wilma Dykeman. At some point I will quote the whole essay, but for now just a few thought provoking thoughts. I have mentioned on the blog previously that this is a season of quiet for me. It is a much needed season for all of us but we have a difficult time slowing down enough to enjoy and partake because there is that feeling and school of thought, we must be productive and doing something all the time. In this quiet season the Feral Fam have been such a gift. Doing the quiet work with Taylor is with anticipation for spring when life burst forth from the quiescent season. There are new places to see and explore. Oh believe me, there have been a few visits in the serenity from obtrusive chaos and meddlesome means...but in that I am learning.

" Sometimes we look upon winter as the season of death, of bleakness, of despair. Because the earth is locked in the grip of freeze and no green things grow and even the flow of water is silenced under crust of ice, we consider this a time of exinction, an abandonment of life.

But life is not annihilated; it is merely hidden beneath the earth....it moves underground, nourishing roots and filaments of growth for a time to come. This is the season of quiet and hidden renewal.

Yet we do not always have to be in full flower to prove that we are alive. Sometimes we need to be putting down roots....I know octogenarians who have never lost their child's sense of wonder and adventure, because they have tapped some source of renewal for spirit as well as body.

A quiet season, a time when roots can search out deeper holdings and tap fresh reserves of nourishment, is to be cherished. Without it the flowering which we await is shallow, paltry, frantic and soon withering on the stem. With it no miracle of growth is impossible."

Wilma Dykeman....Look To This Day

Soon To Be A Wintry Night

We have upped the intensity of my workouts and we began this in earnest this week. Hello planks and additional time with bug and doing ropes. I love the challenge. Taylor added yesterday some footwork, work. He brought over the footwork ladder and dropped it by the equipment we were using to improve balance and correct mechanics for bending, kneeling and picking up stuff....yes, functional fitness. I couldn't concentrate on what I was supposed to do because that footwork ladder had my attention. Finally, to get me to focus on the task at hand, Taylor assuaged the fear letting me know the work would be more like dancing than a football drill. Whew, thank goodness none of my Baptist friends were there working out. The exercise was quite fun as well as functional. Taylor is a great trainer because he figures out what approach works best with each one of his clients. We might all be doing the same kind of work but he has a gift with the aspect of what motivates. For me it has to be more like play or a game which seems counter intuitive to my word of the year results...because results holds the thought of nose to grindstone kind of thinking...well as long as it is fun, the results come. This February holds the one year anniversary of working with Taylor and he has done so much in helping me find balance and achieve more functionality in daily life. Last year, before surgery, as I prayed and asked God to arrange, just like in Jonah, for paths to cross with those who would help me in the recovery process and Mark 6, cause these knees were as good as dead. God has been faithful in all of this. So grateful and thankful. I told him yesterday once this atrial flutter gets fixed....lookout world. Hoping to leave "hesitation" in the dust.

This week I also paid a visit to The Baked Pie Shop in Reynolds Village. Now that seems strange to write about in the very next paragraph about working out. The original shop is in Arden and well, anything not to be on I 26 south of Asheville stopped me from every visiting. The choice of pie is plentiful but it is the atmosphere they have created that makes me think this will be a good place to get coffee and take a moment. The walls are lined with bookcases, with books and there are board games and fun things for kids to play with. It is a nice sized space but it feels cozy.

This morning the Feral Fam has been sleeping in or they have beenI at their other place...wherever that might be. Only Mama Cat and MJ were out later this morning, so I took them some dry food. It always kind of bothers me when I don't see Cali because she is usually close to Mama Cat. MC looked a little weary today so who knows what kind of battles or nights these cats have to survive. I daily remind myself that I am doing my best to help them and there is no control beyond that. But that Cali cat is the cutest little thing, much smaller than Camo and MJ. With the Feral Fam going back up to the tent of napping area, the cardinals, titmouse, house wrens, blue jays and mockingbirds are having a field day in the back yard. There must be ten to twelve cardinals out back right now.

It is looking like rain is a coming on this overcast but not too cold of day. Yesterday, although the temps were in the 50's, the wind brought a biting cold as it whipped around the house and the trees.
*************
The talk today is are we getting snow? I don't know? Sounds like if we get any it will be a dusting and less than an inch. The birds are in a rush today to eat at the feeder. If you look at the sky today, no hint of snowy weather but it looks like around 8:00 pm is when the snow will begin.

Today was another good workout with Taylor. We are focused on the connecting muscles around my knee and strengthening them and along with the usual work, I worked on a lot of balance and making my lat muscles work. The bonus, I got to meet their family's cat who would soon be on her way for neutering at the clinic. No, the real bonus was seeing my tall friend before my workout with Taylor. After working out I ran by Walmart to pick up some salad kits and a flatbread pizza. I have some blackberries I froze this summer thawing and thinking about how I am going to use them once they thaw.

I went to Sunday School yesterday but didn't stay for church. Once again I am trying to keep free from a cold or the flu and so far living in antibacterial hand sanitizer continuously helps. Came straight home and had lunch. Brenda stopped in quickly with a gift for me from her daughter and also some homemade French Onion Soup, which I had for lunch today and it was fabulous! We also shared some Baked Pie Shop pie, hers was all about the chocolate and mine was about the coconut. Lisa and Dena were also meeting for lunch back in Houston along with Malcolm and afterwards Lisa called and got me caught up with everything. Last year we all went to lunch together right around the same time.

For some reason on Saturday I got to thinking about the church that I grew up in. Several years ago the church celebrated fifty years and the history of how the church was formed, staff members through the years and a list of the charter members. I knew my parents were charter members but I didn't realize I was considered one as well. The first time around the good ol' baptism thing didn't take but when I was 16, that all changed and the second dunking was a keeper. That is why when I have gone to Israel I don't get baptized in the Jordan River, cause the second dunk took. Don't want to mess with that. One of the pastors and his family tragically died in a small plane crash in south Texas. He was only thirty nine years old but to me he seemed so old, but then I was a child. He wasn't the church's pastor when he died but he had brought so much life to the church by having a young, dynamic music minister. Out that choir experience as a student one of the most talented women for staging and music came from that era and her gifts were used at First Baptist in the Christmas Pageant. My memories of growing up in that church are not particularly fond but I do have some good memories from different times there. You know like sitting in the back of the church with other young people, laughing too much over adding "underneath the sheets" to hymn titles...You know like, Just As I Am...underneath the sheets. I was in GA's, went to training union and I went to children's choir for a little bit...it is kind of how I am with choir, enjoy it, love my friends, but it is not the sweet spot for me, never has been, yet I love it. The pews had pinkish/reddish cushion with raised fibers in the upholstery. Man, if you didn't get your dress underneath the bottom of your legs while seated, you came away with a cushion decoration of crisscrosses and a bit of a burn. When the main sanctuary was built the color scheme tended toward mint green and softer cushions.

The sun is setting and soon darkness will cover over the country out here. Saturday night someone was shooting or setting off fireworks. Maybe it was gunfire. Hopefully, someone was out there killing coyotes. I hear a lot of gunfire around here, but usually it is on a Saturday afternoon, farther in the distance.

People And Feral Watching....

While at Academy Tuesday, I bought a tarp and a few more of the inexpensive throws for the Feral Fam. This morning the tarp and throw were set up with food in bowls place upon it. Only I forgot that cats don't like that crinkle feel or sound. Only MJ braved the feel and sound for a quick snack. Cali and Mama Cat just kind of looked at the whole set up and it looks like they don't trust it. Camo hasn't shown up, yet and I hope it is a yet. I went outside with a kid's fishing pole with a little plastic fish tied to the end of it, to play with them and get their attention. The only good thing is they didn't run away but they also didn't play. At first it seemed like Cali had been left alone...she was out there by the firs lying in the sun, but no MJ and no Mama Cat but Mama was behind her in nothing flat when I went up to the gravel road to play with Cali just a bit. Yes, I am too emotionally invested with the Feral Fam but you just can't help falling in love with them.

There is so much amusement in people observing. Even though it was a Tuesday and not a usual day for heavy traffic at the Amish store, it was rather crowded...crowded with people who have no body presence. People crowded around the counters and aisles, which aren't wide by any means and left their baskets in the middle of everything. One group of friends conversed the whole time I was shopping, in the middle of the store which made traffic patterns disrupt. The biggest decisions were being made in front of the baked goods. The second busiest and crowded spot, by the free samples. You might have thought these were starving people but they were more interested in getting something for nothing...come on, for some cream cheese and pretzels? On a side note I am glad many wineries have gone to the pay for tasting route. I've been with people who want the free buzz and believe me it is not pretty and it is even uglier when they find out the tastings are not gratis. Really, there is more to life than scoring free stuff.  The ladies in the booth behind me at Carrabba's were a little more interesting yet a little sadder. They were laughing and cutting up more like teenagers than women of an age closer to eighty. I was reading in my booth but could not help laugh at their infectious joy of life. The commentary on broccoli was worth the price of lunch and I thought of it too late to buy their lunch anonymously.  Toward the end of their lunch as they contemplated dessert one of the ladies lamented that although she had enjoyed their visit, she knew she was loosing her mental capacities and distressed over the news she had been diagnosed with dementia. You could hear the emotion in her voice as she told her friend how much she had enjoyed their friendship and the fun they had over the years. She recalled difficult times they had gone through with the loss of their husbands and now the almost dictatorship their children ran and were imposing on them. As her feelings ran deeper the cadence of their conversation slowed especially as the one lady grasped for the right words to say to her friend. I heard a few sniffs and the sound of finding composure. The friend who received these love filled words took some time, it sounded like there were a few pats on the hands stretched out across the table...she too said how much their long time friendship had meant to her and the joy of having fun and laughing would remain with her always...then she said, well till I too get a diagnosis. Silence and then laughter...that kind of laughing with tears involved. The server seemed to know that something meaningful was going on in that booth and there was a moment when she could approach and ask if they would like for her to box up the remainder of the meal. Oh yes, bring the boxes, but we'll box it ourselves....the server left and I heard giggling...the lady with the diagnosis said to her friend, "are you going to take home all that broccoli?" No, was the response, I am going to make you take it all home. We should have substituted for the broccoli. Nah, we wouldn't have had anything to complain about. And like that, they were out the door onto their next stop. You have one of those gratitude moments right there, thinking of my own friends, both those I have known forever and those who I've known for a shorter period of time but feels like we've been lifelong friends. Man, I am getting closer to the age where these conversations might begin...with a diagnosis...I might forget who you are and what you mean to me but if we can laugh, you'll be like a whole new friend to me.

Once again, reading Wilma Dykeman this afternoon. The copy I have of Look To This Day is not autographed like the copy of Explorations, so I believe I will mark in this book instead of putting bookmarks in every page that has a quote that speaks to me. Today I have read some of her thoughts on winter and alongside winter thoughts, when we enter a quiet season. So many times we think of winter of some sad season but you know, it's not always sad...it can be quiet and restorative. It is a time of renewal. It is the preparation for new beginnings. It is for putting down roots.
*********************
This morning Camo rejoined the happy little group known as the Feral Fam. It is not unusual for Camo to be gone but this was the first time it was an all day occurrence. I almost beat them outside to get grub on the tarp but Mama Cat got out to the rock that she sits on to stare into the window at me before I could get all the food mixed and ready to go.

These have been good quiet days this week. Today and tomorrow are going to warmer than what we have been experiencing so it will be good to get out and about. Have a few errands to run. The full sun has hit the gravel road out back. Mama Cat has been preening and grooming for about thirty minutes. Now the kiddos have joined her and soon that road will hold countless attacks on one another and even the brave might try to engage mama into the action....think she'll need her second cup of coffee before joining in.

Don't Fence Me In

It seemed odd to be reminded of a very short period of time that I refer to as the time I worked for the horrible company. I made it there for three months and out of all those who had worked there before me, I had the longest tenure outside of the office manager. All appearances looked to be that she sold her soul to the company store...although this company wasn't a store but it really couldn't be pinpointed as any particular kind of company. They were involved in oil and gas, transitional management, and entrepreneurial legal dealings that included buying and selling companies out of or in bankruptcy. Everything was a secret and even when discussing how they might want me to handle some things, everyone was on the edge. I have no clue if they thought the offices were bugged or what. The office manager made working there unbearable. She was an alcoholic and had returned to the bottle during my short tenure. Only it was a secret and I was only let in on the tale when she had to go to detox and thus they needed to tell me where some secret checks were stored and they needed me to write a check, already signed, to invest in one of the more popular restaurants in Houston. If I wrote the name, every Houstonian would recognize it. I never once met the principle holder in the association and the second in command, well, that is who I met and worked for. The office manager returned and that last month of working was simply horrible and unreasonable in the demands made. When I had a moment to turn in my notice, I did so and I couldn't finish out the two weeks. The office manager who had made life unbearable was closing in on my personal space. I decided to just turn in my keys and parking pass, pay my own parking that day and relinquished them paying any salary they owed me. Even after quitting, the office manager called our home but never said anything and she would follow me on our street as I walked our dog. I finally confronted her and she left me alone. So it was weird for this to come to mind today but I think as I gazed onto the expanse of mountains and the beauty of winter that I was able to once again think through that time of life and all the additional struggles that accompanied such a transitional time for us. Roy had accepted a job at an oil and gas company that paid more and he only had one semester left of law school. I was able to help even though that once promised career was cut short thus I returned to the tennis courts and picked up where life had left off. For those three months working downtown, dealing with all the stuff and getting that feeling of being fenced in...it was the fenced in feeling that propelled me to run away as quickly as I could. One day, after realizing I could offer my resignation, the office manager, the part time oil and gas engineer and I went out to lunch. This is the only time I remember us doing something like that and I could not contain the joy inside me knowing I would be leaving sooner than later. Oh how I wish I could have composed my poker face that day but I ended up telling them I would be tendering my resignation, soon. That bit of joy cost me some dollars in bonus money. On a personal side, Roy and I had just moved into the condo across town and we still had our post office box over in Westbury. My parents would pick up our mail and I would get it from them on the weekends. Because my father couldn't just pick up mail and not look through it, he began asking lots of questions about the magazines we subscribed to, that led into the bills we had and inquiring just how much was law school costing? He didn't ask these questions out of concern but out of selfishness. It was an opportunity to hook us back into merely being possessions and impede any hope or feeling of independence.  You see my father still hadn't forgiven me of growing up and getting married. Because of our new found circumstances I was able to procure our mail key from him and thus closing any insight or way to crowbar into our life which was never for good but for evil.   Looking across the mountains today, I was thankful for the feeling of spacious places and that these mountains in which we found our new home was a place of refuge and restoration and the opportunity to heal from the years of oppressive attacks. I think the result of this refuge and restoration and understanding and finally seeing the big picture, today I am wary of anything that looks or reminds me of or seems to be manipulation like from the long ago past.  Many times in conversations, no lectures from my father I would calmly interject that here he was in his 60's and still looking for his mother to say I love you and she was long ago dead. Now, here I am in my 60's and I am not wanting to hear acceptance and love from my father, who is dead, but I am trying to lay hold and try to understand the amount of evil and hatred he had for me and then us (Roy) and the depth seems bottomless but not to lay hold of to paralyze but to keep me moving into the depth of love and life that comes through God and His Son, Jesus Christ.  Believe me, I forgave my father long ago because if I hadn't....I don't even want to think about where I would be.

It has also come to mind of how differently my brother and I dealt with that fenced in feeling while growing up. Loved hearing his stories of how he would get on his bike and just go visiting around the neighborhood while my approach was to take refuge in my room with books and my imagination. We both now believe that we are extroverted introverts and that we had to take on the extrovert persona to survive.

Since it rained the Feral Fam have gone off to wherever they go when it rains or snows. Hopefully, they will return soon. So, I knew I needed to get out and about today because otherwise I might just sit here and gaze out the window looking for their arrival. I have been thinking about going to Mountain View Store for quite some time, so I did that. I almost took the route from there over to Greenville and go back to that antique store we had gone to on Christmas Eve. But, instead I continued on my way to Johnson City to go to Academy, then lunch and a stop at Barnes and Noble. On the way home I had my music blaring and I would have been singing but that darn cough would start. Now I did briefly sing a trio with John Bolin and Lisa Pierre on the song, We Believe...but my part was short, so just a few little coughs here and there.
**********
Well, most of the Feral Fam arrived back this morning ravenous and thirsty. I didn't see them when I first got up and figured it might be a couple more days before their presence returned to the backyard. MJ looks like he grew up in the past few days. Cali is around but haven't seen Camo. That is not unusual not to see Camo for awhile.  Mama Cat is still the dispenser of discipline. Buddy noticed their arrival and now as retired upstairs for her first official morning nap.

The book I ordered from the used bookstore arrived yesterday, Look To This Day, by Wilma Dykeman. I didn't think I could like a book more than I have enjoyed Explorations, but so far, it has taken first place in the rankings of her books. It is her earlier columns from the Knoxville newspaper. So many great thoughts and quotes and I have found in her writings that needed help and assurance, of the wonders of nature and the theme of don't fence me in.

Rainy Day On Monday Didn't Get Me Down

This lovely warm day is drawing to a close. Dusk begins to blur the scenery into a sepia tone. The only flash of color are the Feral Fam up on the gravel road and the red blur of cardinals as they sweep in expertly in flight to get the last of today's nuts and seeds. I think the warm up today took a bit of tension off of Mama Cat, so much so that she took a nap out in the open, soaking up the sun as cats are wont to do. With the light dim and the cats around the backyard for their last little snack, I gave them another fun treat, I used the red laser light that cats like to chase on the rock and ground. Even Mama Cat got in on the chasing and action. Their reactions brought me to laughter. I did that for a bit and then decided to settle in for the night. No choir practice for me this evening. Sore throat a bit of a cough tells me to play it safe. Besides when I sing the coughing starts up. Buddy is asleep on her blanket right by my feet and as we age I have noticed we both make a lot more weird sounds than we did when we were younger. I was getting a little panicked because the sound of hoot hoot could be heard and I am getting concerned about the Feral Fam but then I remembered that Buddy has been making all kinds of noises in her sleep and the owl sound was coming from her.

One of the results of beautiful snowy weather is the mud and gunk that gets tracked into the house once all the lovely snow has melted. It seems like the kitchen floor has been mopped more times in the last week than since we bought the house. The path that we cleared and then used salt on is mucky and muddy. A couple of years ago I bought some garden clogs and those have come to be quite handy when it comes to the repeated trips needed to keep the Feral Fam happy with food and snacks.

I almost overslept church this morning and was happy to wake up because I was having a bad dream. It is good for me to have some ease into the morning time, but there was little of that kind of time. Did read over the lesson and do my chores before leaving for Sunday School.
************************
This morning when I left for workout it was pleasant enough temp wise but since then after running a few errands, the wind has picked up and it feels downright cool outside. It was a tough workout this morning with new things added and times increased. It was a good hour. Then a stop at the grocery store was in order. Looks like we are supposed to have rain start up this afternoon, so getting everything wrapped up and to be home safe and sound is so appreciated.

MJ is up on the fence hidden among branches looking for birds. With the warmer days Mama Cat has napped out in the sunshine. I went to Sunday School yesterday but left afterwards. It feels like it is the correct thing for me health wise. Last night a sore throat was sneaking up on me with a few coughing jags, so it felt the best decision was to not go to choir last night. I feel like I should buy stock in hand sanitizer.

One of the Wilma Dykeman books I ordered from a used bookshop arrived today. She wrote the introduction and part of the stories in between recipes. I love a good cookbook, not so much for recipes but for the writing. Over the years authors helped me fall in love with this area and then we spent many years coming here as tourists. I love that my friends here, most of whom were raised in the area, have shared their great love of this area and knowledge with me. I have made some notes of jaunts to take in the spring and summer.

Snow Week

The sun is out, the temps will be above freezing this afternoon and I have seen the Feral Fam stirring...oh happy morning. Happy morning even though the heater upstairs is acting like the hardest working heater in the business. Running but not doing a good job of heating. Thankfully, it is maintaining the temp around 62. My concerns are with the pipes not us keeping warm while sleeping. So more faucets dripping and with the sun beaming brightly, we maintain. Once getting upstairs for the night, the situation of the heater became apparent. Woke up around 2:00 and what I had suspected was playing out. So you calmly think of the things that can be done like turning up the heat downstairs and then seeing that our heating and a/c service has a twenty four hour service, I called them at 3:00 am. I did that more so I would fall asleep knowing I had done all that I knew to do and then I turned over and went back to sleep. When I woke up this morning I was thrilleCloudd and praising God that the temp was still 62. And because we live with a slower pace of life the repairman will be here tomorrow. It will be above freezing and a little easier on him while he works.

"Abandonment fear can lead to controlling behavior, anger or moving away. All of which can increase the likelihood of being abandoned. Own the fear, act differently, and change the outcome." Dr. Henry Cloud  Saw this on Twitter Tuesday. Great quote and truth. Love a good quote and love the truth.

Here's another good quote from Wilma Dykeman:
"Boredom is a sort of arthritis of the imagination, a paralysis of the spirit."
Ennui, means boredom. After hearing the pronunciation, the word is of French origin which mean annoyance. These snow days of last month and of late has not produced a bit of ennui for me. I don't really feel guilty or anything when I take a day to just read or write or think. So essential to life and well being. Of course you can't spend too many days doing this or you just become weird. I am already weird and don't need to be weirder. I mean there is so much to observe and understand when forced to slow down or God forbid, stop. I'm learning about the sky and what the colors mean to the weather. I love listening now to the snow begin to release its grip on the roof and the sound of snow and ice tumbling to the ground fascinates me. At first it scared me cause I didn't know what the sound was.
*********************************
And we are into Saturday morning. The Feral Fam has been fed and I have enjoyed watching their battle roy-al up on the gravel road. They are running and playing and fighting with one another. They have to be thrilled that the temps are above freezing, the snow is melting and there is a lot of extra energy to burn off. They returned for a snack and now are probably enjoying their first nap of the morning. Buddy is eating after having several treats already. She is due for her first nap of the morning too. I slept in a bit so I won't be napping this morning.

I did a shortened version of working out with Taylor yesterday and then came home to wait for the heater guy. At first he thought it was a back up heating element problem...which I didn't think it was because until Tuesday, the heater had been able to keep up with the work of heating upstairs. Oh, we have heat pumps here...most do. Long story short, outside the unit had a hardcore lock on the board. He rebooted the system and it began heating once again. He thinks it could have happened due to a power surge or an unknown issue. If it happens again, they'll come out and do a more detailed analysis. So far so good heat wise. We were roasty toasty all night long. In fact, its kind of strange not hearing the heater run this morning but it is a nice non-sound of not spending $.

After the heating guy left I ran to the grocery store to pick up a few things. I didn't have cabin fever which is usually expected after a forced stay home week. Bought the last of the Topo Chicos and hope they order more. I've kind of gotten hooked like Roy has.

With this being our first official winter here, no January or February stays in the past few years, I am enjoying this season. Experiencing the short days and cold temps and snow has been insightful and rather enjoyable. Avoiding colds and flu, is like a competition. The cardinal's colors seem brighter and even more magnificent against the backdrop of snow or the muted browns of winter.

The Answer Before I Could Ask The Question

Greetings from snow covered WNC! Right about dark the snowflakes started falling...little flakes that almost looked more like rain. The front deck had a dusting of coverage before I went upstairs. This morning I looked out the window to see the fields and houses blanketed with that frozen precip we call snow. Quiet, so very quiet and the road looked like just a few cars had taken the challenge of snow sledding,  driving. It didn't look like any side roads had even been touched. Buddy spotted one of the kittens trying to eat frozen food left from last night so I changed clothes and bundled up to attempt a trip to the backyard with some dry food. Broke out the new snow shovel and began to clear a path. From up on the hill I heard young voices call out, "would you like some help?" Yes! Thank you. So the kids went to get their snow shovels and we worked on the path and eventually the driveway. I put out some salt and took the food over to the steps for the Feral Fam. Drew and Emma, my kind young neighbors, and I talked about cats. They owned Michael, the one eyed cat only his real name was Spider Man and they told me of how Spidey had fallen ill and passed away. They invited me to come over, when the weather is better, to see where they had buried him. It seems our whole little group of neighbors loved that one eyed cat. The people next to them, closer to the church thought he was a girl and named him Sophia. They think that Mama Cat might be their cat that ran away whose name is Jada. I told them if it is Jada, she has a family now. Such a fun working opportunity to thank them for clearing the driveway in December when we got nearly 11 inches of snow. Gave them a little pocket money for their hard work.

I watched the forecast of Hunter Ward this morning on FB live. He is an amateur meteorologist that has a high percentage of being right with his predictions. He has bested the weather people on TV. Our news mainly comes out of the Upstate which is South Carolina and they do a little shout out to those of us in the mountains. Hunter thinks that there might be another inch of snow to fall this evening with the northwest back flow that could occur. This news made me kind of nervous about surgery tomorrow morning and the safety of getting to the office. I had called Roy to talk with him about cancelling the surgery but that would incur a cancellation fee. We figured that fee would be much cheaper than paying for a damaged car since Brenda would be driving me to the appointment. So, I prayed to the Lord, asking for wisdom in approaching the oral surgeon's office and asked for favor and then planned to call them after their lunch hour. The phone rang and it was the oral surgeon's office asking if they could reschedule surgery tomorrow since my surgical kit had not arrived at the new office. What? Yes! Praise the Lord! Wow! Pray about everything, worry about nothing...

Buddy and I are in our official winter repose. We have the fake fire going with heat...she is lying on her favorite blanket on the floor and I am in my favorite chair. I just finished reading Wilma Dykeman's book Explorations. It has been a delight to read. This book is a compilation of her newspaper columns published in the Knoxville paper and some for the NYT. Her writing on the different seasons here struck a chord. I now have a list to refer to in the fall of the leafs turning colors. I may have to quote some of her winter writings on the good old blog. 

I called Brenda on her house phone because she had not responded to her cell phone. We are both quite relieved that we don't have to get out early in the morning, in below freezing temps with the threat of ice. Supper plans can be rethought and if there be onion and garlic, no one will be looking into my mouth to care. We will get above freezing tomorrow sometime and the beauty of the snow will begin to melt away. Surely there will be another snowfall before the winter leaves us for the beckoning of spring.

Staying Warm and Toasty...

When I left the house this morning around 9:00 am, it was still below freezing. For the most part the roads were clear of ice but there were a few places still icy from run off water. Biltmore Village is a lot less crowded in January than in the summer, fall or Christmas seasons. The Corner Kitchen wasn't at all crowded. Since having the scrape in with the utility pole, I just pay the money to park and just like last month got my favorite spot. Went to my hair appointment and learned a lot about my hair as Christine instructed one of their employees in cutting hair on a head with a lot of cowlicks. I had no idea there were so many to deal with. Very informative. While at the salon, an announcement was made that Asheville Schools were being dismissed an hour early, so there was pandemonium and lots of texting going on to make plans for the retrieval of the kids. For a moment I contemplated going over to Origami Ink but took to heart the early dismissal factor and decided it would be best to head back toward home. That included a stop to pick up a prescription, get gasoline and make a winter storm warning stop at Dunkin Donuts. One needs something sweet in the time of ice and snow. The clerk was filling a box of a dozen donuts and turned to me when she was finished and said, these are for home. I told her the theory behind my crazy friend Debbie's plan for bad weather, donuts. I mean the parking lot of Ingles on New Leicester Highway was packed and a line of cars waiting to be granted access. Not a soul stirring at Dunkin.  Would you rather have bread and milk with a side of toilet paper or a donut....I think we all know the answer to that question. Made a quick stop at the Exxon station to fill up the truck and then headed home.

It was as if the Feral Fam was waiting on me to get home. When I went to the backyard to check their bowls, which were empty by the way. Mama cat came out of the tent of napping and sat there watching for the next move. So into the garage, got the food together and took care of the Feral Fam. That freed me up to go down to the road and pick up the garage can to bring it back up to the garage. Mama Cat must have felt that moisture in the air because she was a little impatient with her young uns. They ate and ran...so they must be tucked away in the hidey hole until the snow melts away. Just heard a weather report, we might get more snow than was forecast. Just looked at the radar and the snow is set to fall at any moment. Now that it is dark outside I will have to watch for snow falling in the silhouette from a street light. I'm thankful I don't have anywhere I have to be tomorrow. 

There was some movement outside and the kiddos were back for a late evening snack. I went out and added a few things as well as moved the bowls the steps of the deck. At least their little paws won't be right on top of the cold ground. It has started to snow small flakes so we will see what it looks like in the morning. This is the second time in the last few months that Texas and NC are having the same type weather.

Family Reunion

The last time I saw the Feral Fam was last Tuesday afternoon. Cali had let me get pretty close to her but scampered away with one more step toward her. She sat up on the rocks looking through the winter ravage shrubs and skinny young trees. After several days of not seeing the Fam, I felt sure they had been trapped and rescued or maybe Mama Cat had taken them up to the barn they call home when it gets really cold. Such hope every time I looked out the window to see the three kiddos bound out of the tall grass and come down the slope. No Fam up at the tent of meeting, they weren't under the deck and the squirrels returned without one hint of fear. I knew they were gone. With rain and snow during those days I sure hoped they were keeping warm and out of the weather. The Google helped with information and I resigned myself knowing I had been kind and done the best I could for them...if they had moved on, it is well. Of course there wasn't anyway I could think that something or someone had gotten to them.

Sunday afternoon it was time to gather everything for the trash bin and get it down to the road. There were a few disposable bowls that had held food for them on the table and those went into the trash bag. There was the food, thinking I would donate it to someone or an organization when out of the corner of my eye, there she was on the rock, looking into the window, Mama Cat. Hurriedly, I mixed up some food and got it out to her. She ate almost the whole bowl but no sign of the kiddos. About forty five minutes later she returned and finished up what was left. Seeing her was so hopeful but once again no kiddos. I was talking to Roy and telling him a nap was calling my name when I looked up and Mama Cat was scooting those babies of her down the slope and into the yard. I got into swift action to mix up some food for them cause that wee little bit of leftovers would not keep them occupied too long. So good to see them, so glad to know they are ok, although Mama Cat looks a little worse for the wear.

This morning the Feral Fam wasn't up and roaming around but by faith mixed up the food and took it outside and there they were coming out from underneath the deck and happy to have full tummy's in quick order. They had their 3:30 supper as well and hopefully they are tucked away, someplace warm and I will see them in the morning.

Buddy was excited to see the Fam once again. Last week she sat by the window looking for them. She can be sound asleep upstairs and hear a can of cat food being opened and she is in the kitchen in no time flat. She doesn't even like wet food. She has some new treats with different flavors she hasn't had in a while, so she is a happy Buddy.

With a chance of snow in the forecast we will see what happens and where they go, but for now the Feral Fam is back!

Remembrance and Sayings

She wouldn't be able to pick me out of a line up. She might have feigned remembrance of a Sunday Night Extra at Houston's First Baptist with her friend Marge Caldwell as they talked about friendship, more specifically theirs. Before they spoke, Peggy and I had the supreme delight of doing a parody of their friendship with some exaggerations, which is what parody is all about. But this wasn't the first time I met her in person. Years, many years before, my friend Mary Madeline took me to her weekly Bible study that met in a home in Tanglewood. An aside, the house where she taught belonged to my first tennis partner from The Met as I would discover when Cris and I became friends off and on the court. The particular study was out of the book of Exodus and Moses came alive to me through that study. She made him so human and made him so understandable, more than just a Bible character but so relate-able to a nineteen year old who had fallen in love with God's Word. She played the part of Corrie Ten Boom in the movie, The Hiding Place. I'm writing about Jeanette Clift George. Jeanette went to be with the Lord not too long ago and today in between mopping floors and vacuuming, I watched her recorded memorial service on Facebook. One of those services that truly spoke of Jeanette and who she was. She had the best laugh and whenever I heard her speak throughout the years, I looked forward to hearing that distinct and  rememberable laugh.  It was a delight to go to the crowded Grace Theater where the A D Players performed play after play with the result of happy moments and profound truths presented in a way that wasn't cheesy or smacked of coyness or cuteness or as Homer Simpson might call it, churchy la femme.  Like I wrote in the first sentence, she wouldn't have any reason to remember me but oh how thankful that I remember her and her love of studying the scripture...oh and the joy that seemed to ooze from her and everyone so wanted to be around her...I am so glad I had a seat in the production to her life. Like so many have said who were much closer to her and most probably like me, those of us who were in no way involved but for those few times...she changed my life.

Over the past few days I cannot tell you how many times I have looked out the back window hoping to see the Feral Fam coming into the clearing from the overgrown part of the gravel road.  I still hope but with an enormous sense of loss. Those cats brought such joy in their play, really their whole sense of living. I'm keeping the tent of meeting up and the picnic blanket in the yard just in case they return. You can tell Buddy misses them too. When the dogs next door begin barking, I look out back because many times the dogs announced the Feral Fam arrival.  What a b.eautiful picture it would be, it is dusk, with a few snowflakes gently falling to see those little cuties and Mama Cat. As it grows dark I will change my hope to a morning arrival.

Today I am doing those things that I have put off like mopping and polishing the hardwood floors downstairs and mopping the upstairs bathrooms. In between is laundry and putting things up from the Target trip yesterday.  One of the things I need to check on is if we have another set of flannel sheets for our bed. Right now we have a lovely set of flannel sheets with the decorative design of a brown bird on a blue limb. Doesn't that sound charming? There is a problem though, first Roy wants to put the bottom sheet on sideways...no, no, the birds go up and down not side to side. My problem is more in the blurriness of sleepy eyes. The brown birds kind of smudge together and can look like, oh like, maybe an accident by Buddy by mouth or by....uh, the other end. Remember I once thought the AC/heating vent was a bat...not baseball but belfry type bat. Then there is the time I awoke and thought the brown bird was blood from a nosebleed. And my favorite is when Buddy brushing her tail across my arm awoke me and the brown bird was mistaken for some kind of vermin and I lit out of that bed screaming, grabbing for my glasses and turning on the light, all at the same time. That twelve year old Buddy made moves like she was a kitten trying to get out of that bed and room with my banshee cries as background leaving music. Only I discovered once again, it was the brown bird on the blue limb. Ain't nothing charming in the middle of the night with these scenarios.

Without the Feral Fam the squirrels have returned to steal from and dominate the bird feeder. Only thing sometime yesterday, they broke the feeder. In my mind's eye I see myself telling the squirrels, you see this is why we can't have anything nice!" So I went outside trudging through the 1/8 of an inch snow, picked up the broken feeder and then returned with one of those squirrel resistant feeders that neither the birds nor the squirrels like. This made me think of those parent sayings we hear growing up that we never quite forget and probably never respected. My father was the parental saying parent and some of his most memorable sayings were, "my best is not good enough!" I remember a few times responding back, "well, I don't know about that, we've never seen your best." I had to be able to have a quick exit with that response and the first few times I responded that way, it was a sincere not a smart alec response. He also would say, "complain, complain, complain...do, do, do." My brother's response was one of those ummmm....he said do do! A couple of other statements were, "don't play near the thermostat!" and "use good judgement." I don't know about Doug but many times this from my report card would be read back to me in a most dramatic voice, "does not use time nor materials wisely." Even into adulthood, he would say that to me. I might have said that to myself today when I could find all kinds of excuses for not using my time wisely....the material part was fine. After watching the memorial service today maybe that is what I should have put on the ol' headstone....She did not use her time and materials wisely. For goodness sake people, she could distinguish between a brown bird on flannel sheets and blood or bats or vomit or poop or vermin. Well, that's a wrap.

2018 Word

It has been a steady rain for most of the day, well at times it is more like a mist but non the less it is damp and wet. I ran a few errands today, not the ones originally planned for the day because the different routes had wrecks which makes for some long road time...just sitting. When I left the house and began down the road, there were some big trucks in the middle of the road by the community store. A truck had gone off the road and needed to be pulled out of the mud. The first truck trying to help was a regular pick up truck and it couldn't get him up onto the road. A huge industrial truck made its way up to the truck, they hooked up the chain and he was able to get the truck back onto the road. When the big truck went by I applauded him. The truck off the road was no sissy truck either, it was a dually.
*****************
The rain continues into Friday but not so much a heavy rain as consistent. I headed out early to do a couple of errands before meeting Taylor for our first workout of the year. It was a struggle getting back into the routine and my body didn't want to start back but I pushed through and made it. Feeling pretty good I headed over to Target, Home Goods and Whole Foods. I was in luck because WF had sliced and peeled oranges. With more people living in Asheville compounded with rain, the traffic getting back home was wild and crazy. Happy to arrived home safe and sound. I really hadn't eaten lunch and had a light breakfast so a late lunch/early supper seemed to be in order. 67 Street BBQ is really good, easy to find in grocery stores and that sounded good over a baked potato with sour cream and jalapenos. Two oatmeal raisin cookies fit the dessert bill and then a happy little nap got worked into the afternoon. Perfect day for napping cloudy and rainy. I have a feeling the sunset was stunning because the sky colored everything with a sepia color, then suddenly became gold and then the sun set with the golden hue. It was beautiful! Tonight the temps are supposed to drop and all this moisture on roads and surfaces could turn to ice by in the morning.

I think I have finally come to rest with my word for the year. In another blog post I wrote about leaning toward archaic to fulfill the word and then I saw a word that seemed to hold so much promise but it felt like a look back kind of word and this year, instead of looking back at the effects I want to gaze forward with a word that fits life and just what it might hold in this year ahead. So those effects turn to "effect brought about by something." At the gym today one of the boards had the word results on it with Dream Big,  BIG)Begin in Gratitude...and the emotions, work, thoughts and feelings bring about results. So this year my word is Results. From all the work to improve, have functional fitness and trying to keep a sharp mind...this is a year for results.

Here is the word origin of Result:

Word Origin & History

result early 15c., from M.L. resultare "toresult," in classical L. "to spring forward,rebound," frequentative of pp. of resilire"to rebound" (see resilience). The noun is1620s, from the verb.

So this feels right for 2018

The Squirrels Return To Capistrano...I Mean The Backyard

The wintry sky has returned a cold and misty hovering overhead. Looks like an announcing window covering to the weather that lies ahead this weekend. Mainly this view is of the mountains but when it comes to just a view of the sky there are patches of blue and wispy clouds on the horizon. The birds, especially the cardinals, have taken advantage of a full feeder because the Feral Fam hasn't been around at all today. This is not unusual but it seems strange because there isn't snow and the temps aren't too bad. Buddy even seems to miss their presence as she goes to the window every now and then to gaze upon the backyard. Earlier this afternoon she went to the door at the back deck which is a sign that she sees one of the fam and when I went to the window, disappointment because no sign of them. The squirrels have also returned which is also a sign the Feral Fam is not around. I was outside quite a bit yesterday and maybe my presence was more than Mama Cat wanted to abide with so hopefully she has taken her fam to another place and will return. Of course, there is always the obvious reality because life as a Feral is hard and usually short. So, a quick look up in The Google helped as a person shared as they help these wild cats they keep in mind that for that period of time they have done their best, were helpful and kind to these animals that exist with a little or a lot of help. I even found a devotional about what we can learn from feral cats and I agree this time with an outdoor family of cats has been an eye and heart opening experience. Hopefully, they will surprise us with an evening visit or a impatient wait as we begin to stir in the morning. Last night while waiting for Brenda as she was dropping off some delicious homemade soup, I stood there and watched Cali. She sat up on the rocks and watched me. I called to her as I have so many times. Brenda arrived and I pointed Cali out to her and then Brenda and I had a short conversation. When I turned toward the yard again...Cali was gone. That was my last view of her and the fam...I am hopeful for their soon return but if they don't I can withstand the roller coaster feelings with the fact, I was helpful and kind and did my best for them. I mean really, how many cats have their own tent of meeting?

I keep thinking about a couple of errands I need to run and every night I go to sleep with those errands being some of the first things I do the next morning but by the next morning's wake up, I have talked myself out of running them. Only did one of them this morning and that was a trip to The Fresh Market to get tuna fish and maybe a few other supper kind of dishes but they were out of pot pies and nothing else looked good to me. I am such a mood eater.

So I am being to like Topo Chico even more. That sparkling mineral water has become my night cap this week and it seems counter intuitive that I am sleeping better.
*********************************
A rainy and foggy morning might change my plans for the day. No sign of the Feral Fam and these pesky squirrels are taking over the backyard once again. Guess I'll have to notch up my bad fruit throwing skills once again.

Peggy and I got caught up in a two and a half hour phone call yesterday. We vowed to call each other more...oops, squirrel. I think we will try to do that. Roy called in the midst of our conversation and I assured him I would call him back. He said, talk to you this evening. He knows us too well. She called again last night to get the particulars of my ear candling experience.

Twitter reading is interesting these days...on so many levels. I read most of my news from Twitter...Tuesday night the Simpsons were on for background noise and the episode where Homer decides to write fake news on his blog once again is something the Simpsons have predicted before the headlines. With the winter Olympics being marketed by NBC I suddenly have the desire to narrate every move and give out scores. Like the other day in the grocery store parking lot where I was getting ready to turn onto the main lane exit, I noticed the woman in the car coming toward me frantically waving and trying to get my attention because right there beside me, in the opposite lane for traffic was an older woman in a Camry or some other small car, just driving along like it was two lane traffic. The woman in front of me needed to pull in front of me because this woman wasn't going to stop. Cars are dodging her, getting out of her way. She finally comes to a stop, turns off her car and goes into the store. Only thing, she is parked right in the middle of the lanes. That would have been a great film narration. I wonder if anyone got her attention to move her car?

I cannot sit here and while away the hours staring out the windows looking for the Feral Fam. Every little movement, I look up and it is a pesky squirrel. On into the day....

In A Nutshell.....

This is the first day since before New Year's Eve that I have been able to make a quick jaunt outdoors without wrapping up in a coat, gloves and scarves. The cats have been fed and the birds too but at different times as not to hamper the peace in the backyard motto we have going for the new year. We were expecting some freezing rain but the threat of ice is almost over. The surfaces are so cold from the abnormal cold temps it wouldn't take much to make the roads hazardous.

Taylor texted me this morning that two of his appointments had canceled so he canceled me as well. Yea! Not a fan of icy roads and weather. With that news I turned over and slept till 8:40 and it was a good sleep. Even Buddy complied with a little sleeping in. I looked out the window and saw the Feral Fam, at least a part of the group, came downstairs, threw on a coat over my jammies and fed them Today, I got caught outside within a neighbors view as they took their trash down to the road. I hope they noticed that my garden clogs matched my jammies.
*****************************************
Well, it is almost Tuesday evening and I am just now getting back to this post. This morning I didn't see any of the Feral Fam when looking out the window and so I came on downstairs to fix breakfast and give Buddy her first treat of the morning. Sitting here in the chair, I looked out and there the Feral Fam sat looking in the windows. Even little MJ got close up on the deck and gave the eye...of where is breakfast. Once again I fixed up their food and fed them but no one caught me in my jammies today...yet, I was wearing the same gardening clogs too.

Once I felt assured that the roads were clear, I got out for an appointment and then a quick trip to the grocery store for milk and bananas. Ran by home put up groceries and headed back out the door to go eat lunch at Turkey Creek Cafe. The soup today was potato and I had thought about getting some to go but decided not to. Now I know why, Brenda called and wanted to drop off some potato soup she had made, along with a few sweets and some bread. Yum! My supper is all planned, just needs to be heated up. I just had supper and the soup is so good!

Back to the little Feral Fam. The one I adore is Cali. She is not a rough houser like MJ and Camo. Mama Cat got into the play time last night and tonight. They must feel so good not freezing and trying to use all their energy to keeping warm. MJ and Camo duel it out with all types of cat defying jumps and collisions. Cali came to the back deck door the other day and I kept her entertained with a ribbon and moving things. She even sat there when I opened the door but when I moved the screen door, she ran.

Even after all these really cold days, the sunshine was brilliant this afternoon and so welcomed. The fragrance in the air, almost had a spring like fragrance. I'm not ready to be done with winter cause you know the flannel and boots thing but wearing linen again...will be nice. Such extremes but that is kind of me in a nutshell.

Feral, Orinson, and Cark...Words

So, I haven't written about the Feral Fam of late. There are several reasons for that. This week amidst the cold and wind chill temps, Mama Cat has found a place to keep them warm so I didn't see them for almost forty eight hours. I made checks out the window but no Feral Fam to see. It seemed the good thing to do would be leaving out dry food, just in case. Yesterday, after arriving home from the Post Office and taking pictures of ice, the dry food bowl had just a little bit of food. So Ferals or something else had found food. Back to doing things around here and another look outside and the bowl was empty. Buddy began to stir from her millionth nap of the day and moved over to the back deck door to look out and that usually means Feral Fam is in residence. In the dusk to dark hours, there was MC and Cali. A quick mix up of food and a fresh bowl of water since it all turns to ice in a matter of time, and I was out the door. Roy had given me this spotlight of a flashlight which was so helpful in locating the Fam patiently waiting under the deck. Just a couple of steps away and turned to see if they were approaching the food...boom, they were already at the bowls. Returned with some treats to leave on the steps and Cali so engrossed in food let me get so close and almost was able to scoop her up. Wherever MC has found warmth for them must not include food. This morning MC and Cali were hanging out in the backyard, looking into the windows. Got halfway dressed and once again mixed up the food,inside cause the garage is too cold, and took it out to the Fam with water. They have been playing a bit in the sunshine but checking the food bowl, so just took out a little more to them.

I saw something interesting this morning with MC. A huge, HUGE, owl was up in the tree turning its head to and fro. The kiddos are usually with mom, but she was alone...under that tree...keeping an eye on the owl. The kiddos were safely under the deck as she kept an eye on the situation. Before I could get a pic, the owl flew off. MC held her position for a bit and then came down into the yard and under the deck. I'm wondering if I should bring the tent of meeting down here? We have one more night of arctic air and a mild warm up begins bringing back seasonal temps. MC has been more diligent in keeping watch over her little flock. With the cold temps, creatures of the outdoors are looking for food and warmth and she isn't looking to help birds of prey or anything else feast on her little fam.

There is so much to learn from this time with the Feral Fam. Buddy stays interested when they are close by but she has moved on, confident in the warmth of a home, treats, food and water laced with a laxative to help her along. Don't tell her about the water being spiked. I am notes on what can be learned and applied both from the right things and the wrong, misguided choices they make.
**********
Sunday morning and I am at home. Didn't feel all that great last night and woke up with a sore throat and a slight headache. Several years ago the cardiologist encouraged me to err on the side of caution when the temps are cool and everyone seems to have a cough due to cold. He said I know you are a Christian and go to church but be wise because church people have a tendency to attend when they should stay home and not infect others. This is one of those mornings So I will be attending computer church and not even in my jammies.

Today we are supposed to get above freezing and that will be welcomed. I told Roy last night it is so cold that I could feel the coldness on my legs, through my jeans. It has been a long time since I have been that cold outside. The electric bill will be through the roof this month but that is so much better than a plumbing bill and repair. Tomorrow it will be in the 50's and that will seem like a heat wave.

I have told a couple of people what I thought my word for the year would be, in fact it fit in so well with a new found love of archaic words. But it just didn't seem to fit or to work even with an additional word added to it to make my own one word. Then yesterday, I read an article that a friend posted on FB and I knew then, I had found the word. This isn't a set up for people to come back to read, I want to give the word the justice and meaning it deserves in a blog post. I will say that the words previously considered were orison, which means prayer and cark which means worry. It was to be a combined word, orisonforcark. Prayer for worry. I also considered using little. The definition of little seems to be of a negative measure but little in my experience has been much more.

Thoughts On The Cold and Being Predictable

Greetings from the cold tundra of North Carolina. We are officially getting above freezing on Sunday but with the sun brightly radiating over the frozen fields and plains and rays coming through the front window, for the first time in over a week the temp downstairs is above the thermostat setting. Meanwhile the upstairs unit is working like a dog and it is the new system. Looks like Buddy is going straight into first nap of the morning without lingering a while with me. Having a laptop on my lap doesn't stop her from settling down across my arm while I write or read.

Since it is so cold outside and I don't care to tempt ice and me, I stayed around home. It was a nice respite and the first step back into normal routine and schedule. Well, not so much schedule that will begin next week when I return to working out with Taylor. He texted last night checking to see if I wanted to start back today...uh no, not in the state of mind to do so. With the last year wrapping up with more activity than usual, my reading took a hit. I had begun The Last Castle by Denise Kieanan and then put it aside. Yesterday afternoon I took it up again. The first third of the book is telling the story of how George and Edith paths crossed with the background of building Biltmore. in 1895 when George opened the house to friends and family to celebrate Christmas and New Years, it was not totally finished. I think I remember that from the many tours I have taken there but I didn't realize that work continued and he really wasn't there during those three years. There were deaths in the family and this author tells the story of his restlessness. His good friend, whose name escapes me now, had some insightful comments on George in his letters. I think from this point on the book focuses more on Edith and what she brought to the estate and how she had found her niche.

On our way to Burnsville the other day we stopped at the Post Office to take pictures of the French Broad River with lots of ice floating along its way into Madison County. My friend Ann posted some pics of the FBR with lots and lots of ice over by her house. It is quite the beauty to see. We had little flakes of snow falling yesterday morning, beautiful and more beautiful is that it was a dusting and not accumulation. I did get out this afternoon and went to the Post Office, then on down the road to take pics of the ice clinging to the rock that is level and higher than I. (Old song lyric...kind of)

Because there are not enough books in this home, I ordered two more yesterday and they are outside of my chosen genre. I have not been a Bronte, Austin and whoever else writes in that time or style, so maybe this will help develop an appreciation. I hope this endeavor doesn't go the way of Elizabeth Elliott or Jan Karon. I have really tried to read their books but their style and my reading aptitude doesn't mesh. A lesser known author probably known more in the south, Ann B Ross and her Miss Julia series started out entertaining but became too predictable along plot lines.

I've noticed that many times when observing or looking to change things around or watching people the term predictable keeps coming to mind. I am very predictable when it comes to weather and roads. If for a moment I think one little glimmer of ice could be experienced, I am home for the duration. Some may say where is your sense of adventure but adventure lies elsewhere for me. As we begin to think about the back porch work that will be done and as I begin to look for the style, I'm not favoring the "southern" style porch, again that is predictable for me because my taste and sense of style if you want to call it that, tends more to the rustic/industrial style. Things in our homes are things we like and enjoy....Roy's contribution all the tech gadgets. He did pick out a quilt for the queen bed bedroom but I need to find shams and throw pillows to go with it. Now that is adventure.

Blog to Print offered a deal that I couldn't refuse, 39% off. So Monablog 2017 has been compiled and will soon arrive in book form. 2017 was a less than usual postings year. A lot of that had to do with circumstances and a lot had to do with not being able to publish a lot of what I wrote about last year while struggling with emotions and feelings that took me by surprise. Like I wrote about yesterday...The friend of my father, Thelma, once again told Doug she was so sorry she had believed for a time the lies my father had told her. My goodness, he was the best liar I have ever known and was so believable. I asked Doug to convey to her my appreciation for everything she did for my father and through our few conversations we had, she had helped me piece together the story, the long narrative that finally made sense with the details she supplied. It still chills me to the bones to realize just how much my father hated me but those chilled bones warmed right back thinking of my mom and thanking God for the friends and others who were at many crossroads strategically positioned that helped me make it through the toughest of times. After talking to my brother this week, it seems like different tactics were used on each of us by our father. It never dawned on me that our father had employed such a pattern. The end result he wanted was the same though.

Like many posts I write, some of these things are written because they are in an orderly form for reference. Also, sometimes it helps others who are walking a similar path. There is light and there is victory. And there is light on the path of victory.

Ah, Ah, Ah...Staying Warm Staying Warm

It was exciting and vibrant. The whirl of activity and the choices to make while there always difficult because we found ourselves on a short visit. But, when I wanted to find a few minutes of quiet, it was nearly impossible. On the first business trip to Chicago, we stayed at a boutique hotel because Roy registered for the conference late. The only available room was a suite...uh, okay...we'll bear that burden. Floor to ceiling windows over the edge of downtown Chicago near Marshall Fields, now Macy's. Across the way a the construction of a building made a noise distraction. The next trip for the conference we stayed at the Palmer House and even at night the constant hum and drum of the hotel and the city...never a quiet moment. I know people do not go to Chicago to experience quiet but it is nice to have a little interlude to gather thoughts. While watching House Hunters on HGTV, when it is in Chicago, the couples either thrive with the city or at least one of them is looking for a quiet suburban life.

This morning in rural Western North Carolina watching snowflakes drift onto the back deck and yard, the only noise I hear is Buddy purring and the heater running. Can't wait to see next months electric bill. With a gusty wind now and then the chimes and the whirl of wind break through the quiet. Snow causes a slow down. Of course once that stops, the roads will ice over and well, that would not be considered a stop but a skid or two.  I don't hear too many cars on the road but I am in the back part of the house watching the birds gather to eat a meal of birdseed and peck at ice for water. When it snows the Feral Fam doesn't make an appearance and I can only hope they have found a warm spot in this feels like temp of 5 degrees. I just read that in these temps frostbite can happen in thirty minutes time.

The visit with Doug and Megan was a short visit but a good visit. This will make me old and I remember when my grandparents would remind me of some childhood story that was filled with fond memories for them and it was cringe worthy for me. I so wanted to say things like that with Megan and I hope I kept it to a minimum. With Doug's and my conversations ongoing, Megan retreated upstairs to watch Netflix and yes her hip and with it aunt and uncle have Netflix and Hulu on their TVs. Our conversations usually take a brief turn back to growing up days and some of the horrors presented and the redemption hidden in the confines of the situations. We have waded through and concluded at the end of each conversation, thank God for Mom! In times past more hurt and anger laced in and out of the memories but now it seems we look in hindsight with sympathy that our father battled mental issues, emotional distress and he sank farther and farther into a prison of his own making...until Doug rescued him with a wonderful choice of assisted living in a place that gave him light and freedom from his internal demons. I am thankful that Doug and Dad had those two good years. The more reading I do on narcissistic tendencies the more understanding I have on the whys and whats of growing up in such conditions. The overwhelming need to control and have complete acquiescence or here are some other words to describe living with a narcissist:

noun reluctant agreement

• acceptancestar
• assentstar
• concurrencestar

• consentstar
• obediencestar
• yieldingstar

• accessionstar
• approvalstar
• compliancestar

• conformitystar
• permissionstar

 You can also add submission, resignation and giving in. The price was high to go against him but if we hadn't broken free, and Doug and I used different ways to do so, he and I would be beaten down and lifeless as adults. Stories and life lessons are used to conform you to what they want or need. In a post my friend shared last year, Narcissistic Parents Are Literally Incapable of Loving Their Children, by scary mommy rattles me when I read it:

"Imagine growing up in a home where one of your parents couldn't truly love you. Where every time you looked to them for encouragement, you were told that you were stupid for even trying. A parent who viewed every act of independence as a threat and met each accomplishment in your life with jealousy instead of joy or praise. This is what it is like to live with a parent who is a narcissist." 

"The narcissist parent sees their child merely as a possession who can be used to further their own self interests. They often have issues with boundaries, both physically and emotionally, and unload a lot of emotional baggage onto their kids. This makes children the narcissistic parent's primary source of comfort-and sometimes their punching bag. Narcissists also view the world in a binary manner; Things are either viewed as special/ideal/perfect or worthless/harmful/garbage. There is no in-between and they treat their children according to those extremes."

I could add many more quotes but that is it for today. I now see why last year after my father's death, if I perceived, real or imagined instances of being controlled or manipulated directly or indirectly by anyone, I submarined. On the inside of me, the commands of dive, dive, dive....directed me. When I felt like anyone was making decisions for me or speaking for me without input, I reacted. Like I have written in the past, these emotions were totally unexpected but in some way it seems that even though my father hadn't controlled me for a long time, although there were attempts, with the finality of his death, that season of life is over and subjecting to manipulation mastery...even when it was thinly disguised and not so apparent on the surface....is over.

As we unwrapped Christmas gifts, we laughed about the Christmas of the video camera. My father had won it in a sales competition. Instead of filming any organic conversation or reaction, he commanded each one of us to answer some Christmas question...so on the spot and not for fun. Roy didn't respond fast enough to my father's liking and I gave a sarcastic, stupid answer which is my way of telling him what I really thought about the whole staged activity. All this ended with me going into one of the back bedrooms and crying. My father put up the video camera and I don't believe we ever saw it again and he turned his chair around with his back to us and unwrapped his presents...which were always such a disappointment to him. So many times he dropped communication with us as a punishment or to show us how he was feeling. Funny thing, we were relieved and welcomed the break from manipulation. The good thing about growing up and using our presence or voice, the control he so wanted over us, in hindsight now that I think about it, probably resettled on my mom, wasn't as powerful as it once was. He couldn't control us so he took over circumstances to weld his will meaning he took over the holiday meals, the time and the rules...oh my goodness, the ever present rules.

The sun has made an appearance, the snow is a dusting and settles on cold surfaces. It is still quiet and for that I am grateful, even though all the wax from candling has made it possible to hear more instinctive once again.

Just Stuff In 2018

Happy New Year! It's a little late but Doug and Megan were here and we were out and about or talking or boring Megan. That is always a lot of fun. Megan was here in Asheville for New Years Eve with several of her friends from college. I picked her up on Monday and we had lunch at the Stoney Knob Cafe, came on home and it wasn't too much later that Doug arrived. We exchanged Christmas gifts and I think we were all so happy with our gifts... I was so excited to give Doug our mom's pink coral ring from Hawaii. I don't ever remember her not wearing it. Before she had to go to the hospital, Dad had to cut off her rings. So, Roy and I took the ring over to a jewelers here and had them clean and repair it. Doug and my mom were so close, that ring belongs with him. He gave us some really cool things from the Barn Builders website. Love my easel and drink carrier. Roy is going to try and take that drink holder with opener to the office for his Topo Chicos...no that's not happening. Doug and Megan went downtown yesterday morning, too cold for me, to look in some shops she had seen earlier but winter break is a real thing here my friends. Most of the shops she wanted to go to were on winter break or had winter break hours. So we ate a quick bite here and then headed off to Micaville to shop and made a stop in Marshall and had successful shopping there as well. We tried to go to Sanctuary of Stuff but alas winter hours got us again. Supper was at Twisted Laurel and it was good. I have leftover pizza to keep me fed on this wintry day. This morning they decided they needed to get on back home because of the winter storm looming and the threat of conditions deteriorating rapidly. The sun has come out but it will probably be overcast again by the afternoon.

So, last night after we returned home, Megan and Doug put to good use their holistic practices with ear candles. They have done it and y'all our family can build up some ear wax. The struggle is real. I was a doubter and knew which ear is my worst ear for wax due to previous experience. So we did the first ear and when they cut open the tube, this might be gross for some readers, there was a lot of wax. They said more than when they did theirs. Then we did my other ear, the worst ear, and I will spare the details but it looked worse than the first ear...I was an immediate believer. You are only supposed to do this every six months but I think I could do my bad ear again. I can tell a difference in my hearing, especially this morning. I don't write this to gross you out at all but I have read that when you don't hear things as clearly as you once did, your brain makes that change and it can make you prone toward dementia and the like.

I am still working on my One Word for the year...I think I have found it but want to mull and consider it a little further. Last year the word was flourish and I think that it was the right word choice. As a door closed in 2017 and a new one opened, I don't want to look back for too long. Only long enough to take the lessons learned in 2017 and the emotions that came to the surface in the midst of it all. The only way I know how to ruminate on these things is to be kind of like a submarine.

Submarines are ingenious bits of engineering designed to carry people safely through this very harsh environment.


I've read how the air and water fill and release to submerge the submarine but I think of movies where the crew is shutting off sections with the sealed doors and that is how I get through or sometimes deal emotionally with the unknowns and uncertainties of life. When I am submarining, I usually don't make any of those loud horn or blast noises, but I could if I wanted to.

It looks like our weather turns this evening with wind and dropping temps, not that temps have gotten that high. When I was out this morning you could see ice forming along the edge of some roads but since we have gotten above freezing today, it turned out much nicer than they expected. I think since the weather people were caught off guard a couple of times, this time they leaned toward hype.