A long time ago my niece Erin and I had a bit we did and much to the less than patient people, got on nerves, but not to us. We called it Moments, Memories, Mmmm..... So say that we heard a song in the car. A few minutes later, one of would say, remember that song we heard. Yes, yes, I do. Okay, picture that moment, do you see it? What colors of the moments would you color them? Okay now, put it in your memory. Is it there? Can you picture it? Now, think of the moment, cherish the memory and give a satisfactory hmmmmm. Thus I present to you, moment, memory, mmmmmm. Everyone hated it but we loved it. That is what this post feels like. I am thinking of moments, it's a memory....mmmmmmm.
Four years ago today, the 16th, I took Buddy to the vet and Buddy crossed the rainbow bridge. Ugh, thank you FB memories. She rescued me when I needed rescuing in 2005. She stayed beside me through all the heart issues that began right before Ike in 2008. She flew more than I had in years coming and going between Texas and home. I love these rescues we have now but none of them are like Buddy. Guess as things go you get a chance just ever so often to have a pet that is just the best. Our group now are fun and friendly. Baxter has way too much energy but all the others are settling down and taking more naps, which is very good. In hindsight, I think Buddy was in a lot of pain toward the end and maybe we should have let her cross the bridge before she did, but I got that time. The last night we stayed up together. We didn't leave each other's side except for bathroom breaks.
Roy has ordered a new computer for me. This one has been on its last legs for quite sometime. I will leave him alone with it after it arrives cause my belief, though oh so wrong, is plug it in and turn it on. Happy that he knows what and how to on computers. He is excited about the speed and ram and I have no other clue, but I shake my head and say wow! Usually, after all the buildup I ask something like, will I still be able to write my blog? So just in case I have prescheduled several bills and responses needed just in case it takes more time than what he thinks it will.
As much as I do not want to do this, I need to look into getting hearing aids or something. Sunday morning in the choir loft, I struggled to understand the preacher. Now, it was the associate preacher and he had an accent, so I'll give it another go cause there is a different speaker the next two Sundays. The pastor is on a month sabbatical. The scripture the associate preached from was Zechariah 1. I only remember him talking about myrtle trees and that intrigued me. I didn't know if he was saying water or warrior...remember I am getting a little more hearing impaired. Gonna have to do something because Roy is tired of me misunderstanding him or the constant, on both of our parts, yelling, what? What? WHAT? I saw a cartoon a couple of months ago that said, 80% of marriage is yelling "what" back and forth with your spouse. It is our new hobby.
Well, it happens. I read one post on narcissistic families and now my FB timeline has a veritable pou-pourri of articles pertaining to narcissists. Most of the posts I read and concur with the realizations and the revelations. I read one the other day that stopped me short because even knowing what I know now and how hard those days of being accused with delusions that danced in my father's head, his intent was clearly destruction. A burnt earth policy. When I think about how my mother was dying in the hospital but he told those close to him, family, not to tell me. I found out right after a cardiologist appointment. My brother got around telling by putting a prayer request on FB for my mom. My sister in law called that night because she could not go through with what my father had asked her to do. After talking to my father during the immediate time of the incident, I thought we had made the necessary amends to get her the best care. Of course, I was wrong and things went downhill and came to a conclusion in April when he had his lawyer serve me with papers that he was breaking all contact with us and under no circumstances could we make any decision when it came to him. When we did not take the bait or respond by asking him why and giving him a sense of power that we had come back for more abuse , he made his last stand. He didn't plan on that happening thus he had to go scorched earth calling in Adult Protective Services, Police and Constables. He rallied whatever friends he had left and began that campaign. He could have destroyed us with his lies. Roy worked in SEC compliance and he could have been fired if anyone had learned of the lies or a hint of wrong.. Each agency that contacted us said after fruitless investigations my father was the most convincing liar they had ever met. He did make a mistake and left several horrible messages on our phone. The things he said were hate filled with lots of cussing, sadistic and mean. The agencies shut him down for a bit and he revamped his assault about a year later only now I was here and his "witnesses" backed him up, which just amounts to lying for him. My brother made some phone calls and intercepted a letter with all the accusations that my father made, written from his yard lady, that now his daughter was harassing her at her home and job sites. Some of his most trusted friends had several things of his, SS Card and jewelry. He was going crazy frantic looking for those items. I was turning on his stove or leaving water to run, but alas, being here, several states away the timeline didn't work. Some of his friends began to realize his stories were not true, not feasible. I think when he went into assisted living he only had one friend that helped out with him. Things started to go missing there at the ol' assisted living and it was all traced back to him. Roy has always said as people age, they cannot hide who they really are. When it all came down to it, his life of accusing people of stealing from him, it was to cover his own penchant of theft. As a kid he found a quarter at a church VBS. He knew it was for the mission offering but he kept it. Probably about fifty years later he had figured out to the penny with interest what he owed that church. He wrote them a check and a letter. I think he anticipated a warm response with some attention. The young pastor of that church thanked him and that was about it. My father was livid that he wasn't rewarded with attention of theft and then making it right.
One can look back better with hindsight and see how it was all a part of a plan or a game or for his amusement. I am happy to look forward. I am also happy to make a way to not have excessive dealings with those who have strong or even covert narcissistic traits and tendencies.
I went to choir practice last night. We sang a few songs that brought back great memories of singing at HFBC. That helps because the alto parts come back to me. I think I am the only one that can't read music. For the first time in my choir life I asked to hear the alto line on a couple of measures. What? Who is this person? At the end of October we have a guest Steinway artist coming to give a concert with a huge evangelistic message. Classical music composers who shared the message of God. In our services coming up to the event we are singing some classics, People Need the Lord etc... But what is really interesting is for the offering time we are singing some of the memorable hymns from days gone by, We'll Work Till Jesus Comes, Bring Them In and maybe even Bringing in the Sheaves. It is so much fun and the long time Presbyterians are hearing hymns that are so Baptist. I think they enjoyed the songs. Bring Them In back in my day was a Sunday night church song because it is lively and fun to sing. The congregation will hopefully join in with enthusiastic singing. Oh my, what a joy!
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