It was a dark and chilly night. The temperatures had dropped rapidly once the sun had set. The Christmas lights outside were on. The TV turned off. Fire in the fireplace and balsam and fir fragranced candles lit. Only the quiet hum of the washing machine and the dishwasher broke through the silence. It will only be a matter of time until the beeps sounding the alarm that the towels are finished and the dishes done will alarm me and I will jump at their sharp piercing sound. Buddy is meowing loudly for my attention. We just finished a rousing game of go fish. Actually, we play with a Square Bob Sponge Pants children's fishing rod. Slick paws and slick wood floors make some interesting moves while involved in the chase. Roy is at Celebration dress rehearsal, thus the absence of the TV. I like silence. Most would be surprised at the amount of silence I require and crave. I think that is to make up for the crowd in my brain and all the inside noise that results from the chaos, fleeting thoughts and general lack of attention going on inside there. I'm reflecting on the past month just a little this evening. Tomorrow, my mom will be in the presence of the Lord for a month. Bet it feels like just a moment for her, whereas time seems to go a tad slower here on earth. When the Alzheimer's really began to ravage her brain, I think we all began a process of saying a very long goodbye. No more phone calls made by her, soon no interest in participating in any kind of phone conversation. My mom focused her attention on people and things we could not see. She was continuously telling some lady that she saw behind the dresser to leave. All too soon we couldn't understand very much of what she said. She still seemed so happy to see us and even on Mother's Day I got the gift. When my mom saw me, she said my name and she smiled. I find myself thinking of her at the oddest moments. Not all are odd and a few catch me by surprise. Roy and I were watching the Charlie Brown Christmas special on Monday night. Not until the scene of Snoopy licking Lucy in the face did it dawn on me that my mom and I would watch that show every Christmas looking forward to those scenes. We knew the lines by heart but laughed each time like it was the first time we had seen it. Life continues on though. We all have resumed our normal lives and routines. Maybe not my dad. He is working through the process of living life alone and filling the hours that were consumed with care-taking with new in this start of a new chapter of life.
I had an appointment with Cheryl today. Mainly it was a follow up of how things went and what if any emotional turmoil had been extolled. The visit was full of encouragement and reminders of management. Cheryl has been a lifesaver for me. God has used her knowledge and wisdom to help me through difficult phases and to have a new view of how to live life.
The rest of the afternoon consisted of errands and trying to stay away from home so that the maid could work without any distractions from me. She is awesome and it is a pleasure to return home to a very clean home. Somehow in the course of the day I forgot to eat lunch. So I made a quick stop at Black Walnut Cafe for dinner.
Today, Roy became an owner of a NFL team. He bought a Green Bay Packer share that isn't really an investment, with no return and no vote, but it brings a happiness to Roy's life long love of rooting for the Green Bay Packers. He doesn't even remember why he started liking that team as a child but I thought it was a great emotional investment. It's like me wanting to be an Alumni by choice at Baylor. Maybe someday that will become a reality for me. And I just now noticed that both of these emotional investments wear the colors of green and gold. It's true the longer one is married to their spouse the more alike they become. Apparently that doesn't spill over into Roy suddenly experiencing and doing some of my mad dance moves and that whole math thing hasn't even had one glimmer of light in this math addled brain of mine.
In the quietness of the evening I've been reading Psalm 34. I think it is my all time favorite Psalm. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles but the Lord comes to the rescue each time." verses 18 and 19 I'm not reading these verses because I am brokenhearted or crushed in spirit but because there are so many who find themselves in that condition, especially around the holidays. There are so many requests for generosity. But sometimes it is not the requests that should be taking our attention and money, but those who like the Christmas song says, " faithful friends who are dear to us gather near to us once more." Look around and ask the Lord to show you who of those faithful friends, who might not ever ask for help, who find themselves in this season of life not any of them ever envisioned being in might need a little attention and possibly even money...not just money but all around generosity. And don't let it be just a Christmas time thing, keep vigilant all year long.
Now after the ponderings of a quiet evening, I'm all a flutter because a new season of Toddlers and Tiaras begins tonight. I think I am going to put going to one of these pageants held in the Motel 6 in Eunice, Louisiana or in East Texas on my bucket list. I have a feeling that Dena might just tag along for the ride. I'm not too sure I could stomach staying for the whole thing, but it might be dang interesting and some very good people watching.
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