It is a balmy 52 degrees this morning. Too cool for Buddy to sit on the porch so she decided the start to her day would begin on my lap while I sipped some coffee. I missed out on celebrating national coffee day because I had an early start to that day. Most times I want to sip coffee and ease into the morning. If easing is too tempting, I just don't make coffee and that keeps me on the straight and narrow, focused on the day.
The difficult and emotional week with Buddy's health certainly were coffee mornings. I don't believe I have cried like that in years because tears are usually not my go to emotion. The time lent itself to remembering those moments and times Buddy was the healing influence during the past twelve years. This morning she was rather entertaining as she found a piece of elastic string that hadn't fallen into the trash can when that was the intent of said string's destination. She played with it like she was a kitten. Those little things that bring so much joy....
So this week's activities especially crossing the swinging bridge at Grandfather Mountain has generated a lot of congrats and disbelief. I have been there two times before. With Roy, he crossed that bridge like it was nothing and stopped himself from climbing up those rocks on the other side. That's a good thing cause if I had to cross the bridge to ask him not to climb the rocks...well, it wouldn't be a celebration of accomplishing the feat. When we were there the climb up the steps kind of took me by surprise since I had been feeling good since that major bout of afib in April. My heart felt fluttery and my knees felt weak, so I took pictures and occupied myself until Roy came back over the bridge. The second time I found myself at the bridge was when Dena was here. The third time was the optimal time and although it was not a bucket list thing or even something I desired to overcome, it felt like on the inside that it was a symbolic thing for me to do and for me to remember on down the road when faced with scary things. It was also encouraging to have company on the bridge that wasn't going to make it swing or sway because I think Malcolm was feeling the same thing, it just seemed like the thing to do, to cross it. Especially when an older couple in their late 70's go across it like nothing and it was their first time visiting the bridge. As we climbed the stairs to the bridge, a lady told us that she had done it and she is afraid of everything...so we were getting all the right indicators. It is an eerie feeling when in the middle of the bridge the sounds coming from the metal railings make it feel a little disconcerting. Roy and I have fallen in love with Grandfather Mountain and I think on returning trips the decision to walk across that mile high bridge will always be fraught with fear and prayerful consideration. Several have asked did I pray while walking across....well, the Bible does say pray without ceasing but after praying before taking that first step onto the metal bridge, my whole being concentrated on making my brain talk to my feet, because not all those metal slats are even and all it would take would be one little toe trip to make it a trip of a lifetime.
This week I also received an unexpected gift from a Facebook post by a friend from high school and college days. Surprising the article she shared because it seemed to be further from the truth of her childhood but more like the one we experienced. So, I have written several times about this summer being kind of an ensconced summer both emotionally and physically for me as I struggled to put some feeling and thoughts into words. The emotional tussle and the wrangling seemed to be a daily thing. It is not from a forgiveness mindset but rather the closing of a very long season of life...the victories, the mistakes and misunderstandings. OK, mainly the manipulation and passive aggressive behavior of said person. Then noticing any type of behavior now and reminders of days long ago just stirred something up whether I thought that behavior was in me or feeling like it from others put in me in my flight mode...reminiscent of those long ago days I would quote and find great comfort in Psalm 55:6, "oh that I had wings like a dove! For then I would fly away and be at rest." Of course thinking of that verse now I know the noise, well, of the sound of doves flying away. It isn't a quiet flight...never thought of that before. Just like I always thought doves were kind of peaceful birds...but they can be rather aggressive at the bird feeder. Lots of head and neck pecking going on upon their own kind and other birds. But I digress....this blog post my long ago friend posted put all those emotions and thoughts and feelings of the summer together in a well organized way and what I had been doing all summer got wrapped up in a few paragraphs. I don't think the time was wasted though because there was a lot of conversation going on with the Lord. There are many things to take away from this ensconced summer...good things. But then at the end of summer, right after the beginning of fall on the calendar, the gift came, spoke to my heart, wrapped everything up in such a compassionate way and now to experience my favorite season, autumn. I haven't even used the word autumnal until now....
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