Fade With Age

 It is 55 degrees here and back in Texas friends are experiencing below freezing temps. Y'all stay warm and hope the power grid holds up. We will have our warmest temps this morning and as the day progresses it will become cooler. 

While unpacking boxes, my new job, I found a notebook my grandpa B kept. I've written before that he loved quotes and he'd cut them out of the newspaper or a magazine. Several Sunday School lessons are in the notebook as well as notes from church meetings, attendance records and his bank balance. He also has recorded family events and it helps to know these things when putting together that side of the family tree. Taking the time to read and look through the notebook takes time away from arranging and sorting but it feels like time well spent. He wrote in pencil and some of the pages are faded with age making it difficult to read. His paper is almost like the manila paper we used in elementary school with a kraft paper vide. Love me some craft paper vibe. 

We have noticed something in the past few weeks with Roy here full time, we aren't as sharp as we used to be. Or yes, there are moments and I am so thankful that the moments for Roy is all this prep work for the future as well as taking care of various things due to the robbery in December. My moments run toward keeping up with appointments and emptying boxes, oh and still being the chauffer. People still ask me, well, how's it going, you know with y'all being together all the time? Well, so far so good. My friend Karen was so encouraging after experiencing this kind of life before her husband retired, she said you'll be surprised that it is an easy adjustment. She was right. Roy and I talked multiple times during the day these past few years, texted a whole lot, and made the conscious decision to keep each other in the loop. You know, he went to work and the grocery store mainly...I mainly stayed home and went to the grocery store. Also when the edge is off of youth somewhat, it is easier to adjust to one another again. We also know the foibles of each other and we are both quick to apologize if we misspeak. Just now, I went upstairs to check on Roy and he is involved with stuff that is above my pay grade. I now know how he can get me out of a room quickly, open up an Excel spreadsheet. He puts everything in Excel, his journal, his homework for life, daily Bible reading...I mean a lot more than just numbers. He is doing a cost replacement analysis on our appliances and an estimated replacement date for future budgeting. Just writing that sentence made me sleepy. I love being married to a plan man because other than keeping supplies in stock for our home and keeping my phone charged up, I am a fly by the seat of the pants person. We still make each other laugh and crack up at least once a day over something silly. I am thrilled to see this more with Roy because he was ever so serious about his job especially these past few years. I am getting to see Roy again with his dry humor. Reminds me of when we first met and began to date. The lighthearted side to him. The has not faded with age. 

I am almost finished with Anderson Cooper's book, The Vanderbilts. So interesting but at times tough to go through because with all that money, there was a whole lot of sadness. I kind of skimmed the chapter on the Americas Cup because the victory won and now days would be said with an asterisk, I couldn't get into the ups and downs of sailing with the Vanderbilts. Now, I am in the chapters that have to do with his mother, Gloria Vanderbilt. Her early childhood trauma shadowed her whole life and many decisions. Just finished up the chapter on Truman Capote and the effect of his presence and then chapter published that ruined his staying in the society world of New York. Maybe some of that childhood trauma kept her from divulging her innermost thoughts to him, but he did take a swipe at her in this chapter and used her real name, no a pseudonym that was easily identifiable to people in the know. There is just a few chapters left so I will probably finish the book today. The theme that runs through these books is better use your youthful years to capture what you want because soon enough, one will become faded with age and invited to social events only because you once were the belle of the ball. Once the commander of the social world, Caroline Astor found herself in that position. Alva Vanderbilt Belmont took a different route. She broke the Vanderbilts into society but once she and the Vandy man split and divorced, she took to the suffragette movement. Anderson writes how she marched with others down the street where she held court. Many of her former friends looking out their windows wondering what happened to her or wishing they could be as brave to break away. Not on the same level at all but I remember a tennis friend remarking on the new house a fellow teammate and her husband were building in the Memorial area. She was disgusted at the fact that stock market money had built the house, nuevo rich she said. Although, it wasn't like she and her husband were generations old of Houston money, nope. Real Estate built their house most probably. I had no idea, well yes I did but I didn't know the depth, of what she thought of us. I soon found out when Roy was laid off and we were not at the levels financially that she wanted to be associated with. Dropped me like a hot potato although she soon left tennis world and went onto her next endeavor, horses. On a much smaller scale she was experiencing the same kind of life, making the best of youth and furiously planning how to stay with her presence in the social circle. I attended a funeral of a mutual tennis friend's husband. I had played a lot of tennis with the widow, enough to go to the service and pay my respects. Former friend was livid I attended and pretty much read me the riot act to not attend the reception afterwards...wasn't planning to. I sat with other tennis friends for the funeral. The sad thing is, this man that passed away, cheated on his wife throughout the years, a lot, a WHOLE lot! It was said that several of his mistresses were in attendance. After being reamed out about my presence, it was added that even with all the lost  weight, nothing would help my appearance. It hurt to hear that from her but I also know where it came from, there are those people who will mourn with you but will not be happy with anyone that makes beneficial changes in their lives because it emphasizes they are helplessly stuck in their world and of their own making. We all fade with age and I often think how she approaches that situation. 

We finally ran our errands this afternoon once the rain stopped. Got restocked grocery wise too. The order from Chewy's came so the Feral Fam now have a variety of flavorful food to eat. Roy took care of getting the recumbent bike scheduled for maintenance and all those kinds of things. I continue with all the boxes and those are quickly becoming empty boxes. For this we give thanks. 

I finished the Vanderbilt book and it was very good. The last few chapters are poignant and emotional, but yet tell a complicated story of life and the same mistakes being made generation after generation. Anderson Cooper said, the money set them apart, not talking about himself, but his ancestors but he said the problems and concerns they experienced on a much grander level than most of us are in fact the problems and concerns we face in the everyday of life. This book will stay with me for a bit and I will probably reread the last couple of chapters again before passing the book on to others. One thing Gloria Vanderbilt said was, she didn't want to live when she lost her beauty. Her son brought that up to her because she lived into her 90s and she said, well that is just stupid, I must have said that when I was drunk.