I remember my mom telling me that if my father had let her get their home remodeled that she would have never been so emphatic about moving. Thus began the great adventure turned disaster when my parents sold their Houston home and bought a house in Georgetown TX. Their Georgetown home was spacious and beautiful. Friends encouraged them to buy new furniture and get a brand new start in this hill country home. Alas not taking anyone's advice, my father decided that what they had was plenty alright for this new home. Worn and meant for a room much smaller the setting of the living room was awkward, having to place all the furniture so far from other chairs and the couch. They had moved to be closer to some long time church friends but it wasn't too soon afterwards that health issues meant their friends needed to head back to Houston. From that point forward my father punished my mom for making them move. He could cut so deeply with words. The fact that they were ostracized out of the church they joined had nothing to do with my mom but my father teased and joked about a member who was like church royalty. Their family back in the 1800s started the church. It wasn't too soon after that my parents got the left foot of fellowship thus starting their TV church attendance. My father stressed out my mom and in his play for attention and being the victim began mowing their lawn in the middle of summer afternoons when temps are unbearable. He didn't want to die of course, but did just enough to warrant concern. Sadly, no one there really cared thus stressing out my mom even more. I think they might have spent only one or at the most two Christmases there before moving back to Houston. That Christmas was memorable, that's for sure.
My father had asked his doctor to give him meds for anxiety because his family would be present for Christmas. After a few more questions and conversations, the doctor suggested that maybe the family needed the meds more to deal with him. I never met that doctor but I immediately liked him. Several weeks before my brother and family and Roy and I were to come to their house, my father called me. He suggested that Roy and I stay home for Christmas. There would be other Christmases to celebrate. He was belligerent in his request and then added there wasn't any room in the inn (their home) for us. Georgetown at that time only had one motel that didn't look too inviting unless your need of a hotel was rather sordid. We used points and stayed in north Austin. A little bit of a drive to Georgetown. In hindsight we should have stayed home but that was the Christmas that we got the girls an Easy Bake Oven. Ya have to be around for that fun. If looks could kill, I would be dead because for those two days, I got his cold hearted stare of hatred. Since he couldn't get any meds he medicated himself on St Johns Wort. Didn't help. It is just as if everyone celebrated Christmas but him. In spite of his attitude and silent treatment we just kept ignoring his attempts to sabotage the holiday visit. In the years following I brought up that Christmas once with my mom. She asked me to never speak of it again. She was embarrassed and mad at how my father had treated us. Looking back he probably harangued her into shingles over the fact she hadn't backed him up nor had she paid solo attention to him while we were there. She loved being with her granddaughters.
It was in January that I realized his action of don't come this Christmas was a reaction from earlier in the year when I called him out on some duplicitous actions on his part. I called him out privately, not as to embarrass or reveal what he was doing that was oh so wrong. But being a true narcissist, he waited his time to enact his sabotage and then play the victim.
Even in the midst of that emotional chaos and hard cutting hurt, there was Joy to the World the Lord has come in my heart. There were other Christmases that held those same elements of deceit and mayhem and although I dreaded the holidays, there was always the song and the truth of Joy to the World. Is it easy to hold fast to truth in these situations? No! But it is so rewarding. Your emotions and insides are calm and can join in with, let heaven and nature sing. I always have the doubts of the world not knowing that JOY has come, to the world by God's divine nature to send his Son as a baby. This year I have thought often of Mary. Thinking of how God chose her, having all the right qualifications but more so having the right heart and response to the angel. See Zechariah's response for comparison and all in all it worked out for him as well. I would have not been chosen for various reasons, a LOT of various reasons. In the memories section of FB, a blog post from long ago showed up. Written while I was working at church and fighting sometimes for joy. My first Christmas working full time at church, I didn't have vacation days to take off like the rest of the staff. I believe there were only three of us there, God, Cindy Robinson and me. Out of the silence in the office, my phone rang...it was a mover and shaker that attended church there and had a ministry she also ran. (this is not Beth Moore) She had the gift of procrastination and the background of no one telling her no. Till that day when I did. She threw out a name of a high ranking staff member asking me how much he would like to see these copies made. I responded how long have you known you needed these copies. It was like a week ago and further more I did not have the copy code for that department. If we were going to be legalistic about anything there, it was do not make copies for anyone outside your area of ministry. Again I reminded her, there were only three people at the church that day, God, Cindy Robinson and me, and I was probably in the best mood of the three. I would have done the copies most probably if they were regular 8x11 copies, on one side. I did not know how to do legal size, double sided. She kept pressing, I pressed back until finally I suggested she go to Qwick Copy, pay to have it done and turn in the receipt for reimbursement. I had no clue if I would have a job after Christmas or not, but I had Joy. Here is a portion of that blog post:
Joy to the World, I have been reading and pondering Luke 1 and 2 this Christmas season. How unique! Ha ha.... Anyway I have been looking especially at the 3 times angels are involved in telling Zechariah, Mary and the shepherds what is about to happen. More so, the responses of those have me very interested. Zechariah answered out of unbelief. And out of the three, Mary and the shepherds, he was actually involved in God's work as a priest. Ya know, it was his job. Mary asked the angel because it seemed out of how this will happen and then quickly responds with obedience. The angels declare joy and peace of a baby lying in a manger who is the Savior, the Messiah. The angels leave and the shepherds are like, dude let's go see what this is all about. Zechariah was the only one to respond out of how can I be sure, the odds aren't good. And as we learned at Converge, this is the one time in his whole priestly life he would get to enter the temple and burn incense. His heart should have been open to receive a word that night. Hey, I am not going to be too hard on the old guy cause we have all been there in unbelief. I just like thinking of the comparison. Sometimes working at a church dulls the heart to true joy, to true peace, to a true Word. We see the bad side to ministry and we must fight cynicism and apathy if we want to be lights in the darkness of joy to the world. We are brighter to the world, but to our own brothers and sisters, we can be dim and off key in our joy to the church world because we've seen it or heard it before.
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