Twenty years ago today began like most normal week days. I was dressed for tennis, wearing pink because one of the women we were playing against said no one won wearing pink. The goal to prove her wrong. The TV was on, like usual, as I ate breakfast. The Today Show, when the announcement came, a plane had flown into the World Trade Center. I thought of a story from years before about a small plane flying into the Empire State Building and thought it must be something like this. I was totally wrong and sat in unbelief as the horrible events of the morning began to unfold. Wave of unbelief, after wave. Many know our story, we should have been there in NYC that day. Roy would have been at a conference at Windows on the World at the top of one of the towers. When Roy told me about the trip and that I should come with him, I felt no peace about going. Four distinct events in life had a similar knowing, not having a peace about going on several trips, that I didn't go on and in all the trips something happened that would have altered the outcome. We were not there by the grace of God. Thirteen years ago, the days leading up to September 11, 2008 had been anything but normal. Over the Labor Day weekend that year the fatigue I had been feeling for weeks hit a high. I could barely do anything, the strain of moving and the extreme fatigue developing had me down. Walking was a burden, short of breath and a weariness I had never experienced. The doctor I had gone to called that morning of September 11th, she made the call and told me to come pick up an echocardiogram order to make an emergency visit to a cardiologist. I told her I didn't think I could go, at least I knew I could not go alone. In that brief conversation, in my spirit I heard the words, if you don't go today will be your last day. I knew it was a prompting from the Holy Spirit. It was a miracle, getting ahold of Roy, who was in a meeting and he came home to take me to the cardiologist. I could barely breath, gasping for air. He had to go get a wheelchair to get me into the office. The echo showed, only 10% of my heart was working and the tech said, September 11, 2008 is a day you won't soon forget. I thought to myself, you don't even know. This is the second September 11th that the grace of God is so pronounced and personal. This morning, September 11, 2021, according to the cardiologist, I shouldn't even be alive. He gave me five years if I was lucky, ten years would be a miracle. Here thirteen years later, I am sitting at the computer, drinking vanilla caramel coffee and listening to Buddy meow. This morning Roy is at Lab Corp, getting blood drawn for a doctor appointment this week with the doctor that saved my life thirteen years ago and who saved his life last year. The grace of God.
It was also thirteen years ago this week we learned of my mother's Alzheimer's diagnosis. Unfortunately, she declined quickly. There were outside circumstances that probably added to her decline, most probably, my father being so embarrassed she had this disease. He made the decision, even when she still was cognizant to withdraw her from any contact with friends. He did not want them to know. He also began to think any attention that had been directed to him because of his cancer, in remission, would diminish if mom got any sympathy or consideration. This happened at the same time I am fighting for my life in the aftermath of hurricane Ike and the virus that attacked my heart. He wanted to call my cardiologist, because he did not believe anything was wrong with me. He wanted me to go to his cardiologist and be involved with the nurse who was attentive to his care. Not cause he wanted to help but because he wanted info. He said the same thing about wanting to go to my therapist cause she was helping me so much. No, he thought he could get her to say what our sessions contained. It was a difficult time, trying to gain strength and being under a constant verbal attack from my father. I understand though, he was dealing with this tough diagnosis but I also know this was his behavior when he wanted to abandon a "project" and insert me into the equation. God's grace covered us at that time, Roy, my mother and me as we walked this journey with her.
Seems we are in the season of first fake fall. After several days of cooler mornings and days, the temps will inch up into the high eighties by Monday and Tuesday. This respite is so welcomed. With such a beautiful day at hand I got out on the road, in Mustang Sam with the top down. Lovely and favorite drive along the river road. I hadn't planned on making any stops except for the curbside pickup at TSC a little later but I did stop in at Penland's. Masked and social distancing in practice. Always love a visit with Georgette and while I was looking, a long time Madison County resident came in the store to say hi to Georgette. I love hearing the stories of life here and I love even more to be able to participate in life here that will be part of future stories, both told and untold.
The Feral Fam wasn't too happy with me this morning after shutting the garage door all the way down last night. It is a rare occurrence that anyone other than residents or friends of residents come up our road. The dusk had just turned into the beginnings of night when I saw two people, two men it seemed, walking down our road to the the main road. They had a dog too. Several in a neighborhood watch group nearby had mentioned the same situation of people walking on their dead end roads maybe with something other than a leisurely walk in mind. I went downstairs to the garage and it didn't look like any of the Feral Fam were sheltering there, so I shut the garage door the remaining few inches. I found out this morning Tippy was in there, but he didn't seem that upset about uninterrupted sleep, indoor facilities and food. We have security and cameras, but not knowing the nature of a night time walk, in a rural area along a busy road brought about the closure.
Today holds all the fun of picking up dried out weeds, easier for me to handle, and getting out some fallish, even if it is first fake fall, decorations for outdoors. I am trying to be good, doesn't come easy, but staying away from others in these Covid times and keeping my immune system as best as I can in health is harder to do than last year. Already written about that. The project that I thought would keep me occupied blew up this week but I'll still write about it only now from a different perspective. It is still hard for me to want to get out there and work in the garden due to my sadness concerning HP but maybe the autumnal day will overtake those thoughts and feelings.
This morning I am not watching or listening to any remembrances from 9/11. I am thrilled that this morning Roy is eating breakfast and going into the office. I am thrilled, kind of, to deal with weeds. We are alive by God's grace and sometimes when I watch any of those remembrances, it is too easy to go into what ifs. I cannot watch anything where people are jumping out of the buildings. But in all of that, I will never forget.
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