Saturday, April 18, 2015

Daily Info Not Needed but Thanks for Reading Anyway

Good Morning Saturday!  I slept in just a bit because I was too wired to go to sleep last night.  Don't know why I was so wired but it might have been due to the fact I ate dinner later than usual.  I had thought about getting up and going over to Turkey Creek for breakfast but there is delicious stuff here and having a pajama morning isn't sounding so bad.  I had thought about going to look at a couple of shops in Weaverville today but I have plenty, yes plenty around here to keep me occupied.

Lowe's called yesterday at 7:05 am to let me know the refrigerator we bought should be in and delivered that day.  That is good news really since the refrigerator here is freezing everything even on the lowest setting but as good as that news is, I could have still celebrated that a little later in the morning.  A little later the delivery company for a chair I had ordered called and wanted to know if they could deliver it today instead of next week.  Sure thing, so I hurriedly got ready for the day and headed out to the dump.  I am so glad I pre-loaded the car on Thursday.  When I got there the scales were being fixed but the girl behind the window was outside giving instructions to those of us who had come.  She recognized me and asked if it was still packing boxes and materials and I responded, yes.  She offered me this solution because looking inside Sequisha she knew that there was only a trash bag full of packing material and she blessed my heart noting that we had made three trips out there already.  She offered me this gift and I almost didn't take it because I was more than willing to pay the $10.00 but since I had very little packing material, she offered to let me put all the cardboard in the free bin and then put everything else in the regular bins for free.  While reaching for the $10.00 I heard in my spirit, accept this gift.  So I did.  It was much harder work and more time consuming and I was thinking I am not going to make it back in time for the delivery.  And the free cardboard bin is accessible by steps and I made a few trips up and down but thankfully my athletic skills of old came back and I was able to throw that folded cardboard over the top and into the bin...only having to re-throw just one box.  After getting everything deposited into the correct bins, I was off with some time to spare to the Post Office.

Who knew so many words could be dedicated to being down in the dump(s) and learning something from the Lord in that experience?

The chair was delivered by just one man, in a van, down by the river...oops sorry, a little SNL Chris Farley slipped in.  I helped him bring the chair in and put into the room of my choice but he could not take the protective wrapping off per the contract.  I need Roy for all this fine print stuff.  At least it wasn't hard to get off and there wasn't anything to put together.  The chair looks really nice in the front room.  It is just the right size for the space.

With the chair delivered, I was able to go back to the Post Office and mail a package to my niece Megan and then run the rest of my errands which included a stop at the bank, gas station and grocery store.  Yep, living the high life here.  I had planned on stopping at the Mexican food restaurant for some queso and chips but at the store I saw some queso that looked pretty good.  So I picked up a bag of Tostitos and hoped for the best.  I had the queso with the tacos last night and it was good, really good.  It is the white cheese queso like at Jimmy Changa's or Escalante's.  

In the late afternoon a storm was a brewing over the mountains in the distance.  The temps were getting cooler by the minute and the air was graced with the scent of rain, flowering blooms and cut grass.  This has to be heaven for the senses.  The mountain disappeared behind the rain for just a little bit and I was mesmerized by that view taking place right there from the comfort of the front porch.  We got some rain a little later in the evening but nothing significant.

While waiting for the chair delivery I did get some things taken care of and I learned something new, there is a blue bird house on the front of a support beam of the front porch.  Now that's exciting along with the plenteous sightings of cardinals.   A few of the wrens have taken advantage of the small birdbath on the back deck.

Thank you for reading today for all your shopping, delivery, birding, and dumping information.  Stay tuned, it will only get better....I hope.

Friday, April 17, 2015

The Playful Mundane, Time Passing Quickly and Mrs Freeze

Yesterday turned out to be one of the most fun days.  There isn't anything out of the ordinary about the day, but everything fell into place and those happy little errands woven together made the day satisfying.  The day began early, well early for me.  I got up, dressed and out of the house before 9:00.  First stop breakfast at Turkey Creek Cafe and some of those delicious pancakes.  Marisa, she owns the place, and then Penny who owns the shop across the road joined me for breakfast.  We had such a good time laughing and telling stories.  The time went by quickly and we were all kind of sad having to break the party up since they have businesses to be run and I had shopping needing to be done.

Biltmore Park was my next stop.  It is kind of like City Centre in Houston, open outdoor concept. Since it was early enough parking spots weren't quite the premium they are later in the day.  Barnes and Noble had the book and magazine I was looking for.  Score!  In previous visits I have noticed a 'paper' store farther down the way from B&N.  My first thought, oh I can drive down there and then it came to me, I could actually walk.  Now this is a no brainer for most but even that distance used to put a cramp into my lifestyle.  So, I put my purchases in Sequisha and I walked down to the store, without sweating, without complications.  It is a cute store but I'm glad we never made a concerted effort to get there before because while it was cute, there wasn't anything in there that interested me into a purchase.  I walked back on the other side of the street and stopped in at Francescia's and found a little plaque saying, 'It is well with my soul.'  Next stop of the day, the Biltmore.  Oh my, the tulips are open and gorgous colors in their gardens.  Trees and plants abloom with wondrous colors.  My first stop, the garden center.  Because it wasn't raining and the temps were good, the garden center was a happening place.  No close parking so it was up to the adjacent parking.  Oh my goodness, again there was a day and it wasn't very long ago, that the trip would have been scuttled because I could not do the distance.  Nailed it!  Even the walk back up wasn't too bad and I had several items with me in a bag.  Then it was the beautiful drive to Antler Hill Village on the estate to look for a similar piece of framed artwork to go with the one I bought when Peggy and I were here.  The only one they had left was the one I had already bought but the trip was not in vain because there are always a few cute knick knacks to bring home.  And again, I had to park a bit of distance away and walked the walk but I didn't talk the talk because that would just look weird, me talking to myself...out loud as I walked the walk to my car.

I stopped at the Antique Tobacco Warehouse just to look around.  There were a couple of small things I liked, a lamb picture (no surprise here) and a milk bottle from a dairy here in NC.  As I rounded the corner to go to the other side of this huge building, I saw what I have been looking for.  The perfect table to go into the bonus room i.e. the man cave for Roy's coffee maker and even better it was under a $100.00!  I asked two gentlemen who were shopping together for pieces to go into their rustic cabin they had purchased, to help me get it into the cart.  We had a nice conversation about antiques and I shared with them about Round Top and Warrington and they shared with me that my table was a good purchase and it is from the 1950's.  I tried to find Regeneration Station which is close by and I saw the sign...a little Ace of Base for you this morning....anyway, I saw the sign but didn't quite figure out where the arrow was pointing.  So, that is an adventure for another day because I went to Home Goods to find some things to go with Roy's new addition to his man cave.  I found what I was looking for and to celebrate the day, I stopped at Chicky and tried the Lemon Freeze with Diet Lemonade.  Thank goodness, there isn't a Chicky near by because I love lemon and I love soft serve ice cream.

Like I wrote previously, the time went by so quickly.  It was already 3:00 and I had done a ton and walked a lot and wasn't even tired.  When I got home I was able to meet one of the neighbors as he and his young son sat on the edge of our lawn waiting for the school bus delivering his daughter.  His name is Mike, he works on the weekends and his wife works at the hospital during the week.  I unloaded Sequisha and then loaded her up with boxes and stuff for the dump.  Yes, a dump run is in my morning schedule today.  Several deliveries and purchases with lots of cardboard and packing material.  On Thursday, my designated pajama day, I put together the bench I ordered.  It may go with the kitchen table or it may go at the top of the stairs.  Leaning toward top of the stairs since it is there now.  I also brought the new table upstairs and after cleaning it up a bit, put the coffee maker on it.  Once I get the mugs washed and placed, I will post a picture of it on FB.  Oh back to Thursday, I hung a lot of pictures and only at the finish did I have to do a re-do on placement of the nail.  I'm an eyeballer for hanging stuff but if Roy had helped, we would have measured and thus...a lot less pictures would have been hung.

If you are even still reading this because it is full of what I did on Thursday kind of stuff, the theme of the day was even the mundane was fun and playful and the time went by so quickly.  It was a day of temps in the high 50's and I thrived in that.  Maybe I am like Mr. Freeze from the Adam West Batman Days...Mr. Freeze was an add on villain toward the final time of that program...grasping at villainous straws.  I need to correct one thing, I would be Mrs. Freeze.  OK....that's good.  And to further confirm that, I did have a Lemon Freeze and not a Blizzard yesterday.  Oh, I need to correct one more thing, in no way shape or form did I participate in any villainous ways yesterday.


Thursday, April 16, 2015

Another Day in Paradise

I am still trying to find some kind of routine here but with things always needing attention and not having put everything in place, I kind of free lance during the day of what needs to be done.  Sleeping here in the cool air is doing this body a lot of good.  In the evenings when I have finished with my tasks for the day, it doesn't take long soon after sitting down for my eyes to grow heavy.  I'm sleeping later too.  Usually when I have been here,mornings come early for me because I know my time is limited to a week.  Guess the old body knows we are here for longer than a week.  The hills are becoming a little easier to walk, at times and just when I think I have mastered backing into our driveway, I have a major meltdown in that skill.  Happened last night but through that I learned something new to use when backing in.  Right before the sunset, I put out some solar lights along the edge of the driveway, so that will help as well...well it will help when the sun comes out to give those babies some power.  I also put out the shepherd hook in the back.  While I was out and about yesterday, I made a stop at Lowe's to pick up a few things.  I have never been that interested in hummingbirds, but I got a feeder and some sugar water.  I also picked up a few plants to put into containers.  That way if we have another frost, I can put them in the garage.  The dogwood tree in the back is blooming something fierce and the red bud tree is too.  Kate, previous owner, told me that some years the plumb trees are heavy with fruit.  I hope this is one of those years.

Last night I made tacos for dinner.  They were good but not Roy tacos good.  I bought the standing shell because of late the other shells crumble at the slightest movement.  The evening before that, hot dogs.  I am a gourmet cook!  Ha!  I will have leftovers tomorrow because tacos two days in a row doesn't whet your appetite for the spice without a day in between.

The fragrance in the air around here is intoxicating.  I am glad I don't suffer from allergies because the mixture of fresh cut grass and the perfume of blooming trees is just wonderful to take in on the porch in the early evenings.  The tree frogs are in full voice and thankfully, the mama cows across the road have calmed down since their calves were removed from the herd on Saturday.  They are back to their normal grazing habits.  I have noticed the cows across the road and the sheep on down the road have discernible paths.  They walk the same paths everyday to get to the fields of green grass..

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Tuesday Happenings

Looks like the rain is over for now as the skies attempt to clear.  Weather here is a bit like Texas, if you don't like it, just wait a bit for the change.  This will give me the chance to get out and about a little later.

Yesterday, the grill was delivered and Bill changed out the smoke alarm downstairs.  That freed up the afternoon for a little bit of grocery shopping in Weaverville.  I was cruising right along when Roy called.  The APS lady wanted to get a statement from me and Roy wasn't too convinced that this is all she wanted.  Good grief!  Nothing takes the wind out of you like that kind of news.  So as I traveled back home, I had a little encounter with a ya-hoo.  I don't know if it was the Texas license plates or what, but watching what he did in front of me, my instincts kicked in.  Yes!  Watching all the ID TV and Datelines came immediately to mind.  With the skill of a race driver the car made an abrupt tire screeching turn and it looked like he was in hopes I would t-bone the back end of his car, but I made a defensive driver move and avoided the whole thing.  The truck in front of him pulled off to the side of the road immediately which made me believe this was a set up to bilk insurance money.  Thank you Lord for quick reflexes.  I called the lady after putting away the cold items.  It was pretty much just that kind of call, asking me questions like when is the last time you saw your father or spoke to him. They seem a little taken back when I can give the exact date.  Then she asked the reason for the non communication.  Same song, the hundredth verse.  The conversation took a bit of energy out of me and even though I was calm, there are somethings we cannot control but I didn't add to my rising blood pressure.  That sealed it, the rest of the evening was a wash but when you are reading a great book, it doesn't seem so bad that you didn't get anything done.  It did accomplish an early bedtime, so that was a good thing.

Mike the mower man is here now.  I think he is fertilizing the grass today too.  I haven't had a chance to buy apple trees, but I will get that done before he returns next week.

Since I had a delivery scheduled yesterday with no time frame, I was unable to attend my first meeting with the Asheville New Comers Club.  I am making sure that I don't have anything next month so I can attend.  They meet at First Baptist downtown and by the website, they offer all kinds of groups and activities to participate in.  They have a book club!

I love watching all the birds off the back deck.  Yes, I brought my nerdiness to NC and I have a bird book I consult if I don't know the kind of bird that is visiting.  We have several bird families that have made some of our trees their homes.  We have a couple of wren nests in the front and I believe there might be a cardinal nest in one of our big fir trees.

It looks like another trip to the dump is in my future.  Unwrapping the pictures the movers boxed for us is causing quite the cardboard build up in the garage.  Several pictures have been hung and I am waiting on the delivery of some furniture before determining where some of my favorite pieces will go.  When Peggy and I were here, I bought a picture at Traditions and it isn't quite big enough for over the fireplace.  That means the picture I had intended for the dining room will now be over the fireplace.  If they have another painting similar to the one I previously bought, those will look good over the sideboard.



Monday, April 13, 2015

Secrets of the Seasons

It is an overcast morning here in the mountains.  The forecast over the weekend indicated a high chance of rain today but it's looking like most of the rain will come tomorrow.  We are supposed to have a delivery today but other than that information, there isn't a time frame, so I guess I will need to hang around the house.  That's fine, there is plenty for me to do and lots to take care of.  I feel like I am on the cusp of finding my routine here.  I'll have to tweak it but I won't really know until most everything gets put away.

So I had this plan for Saturday and that plan got totally blown out of the water.  What sounded good was to get up early and go out for breakfast, then run a couple of errands.  I'd return home and do more straightening and wait to hear from my sister in law Nancy and her friend Barbara.  They had come into town to take in the sights and we had made plans for a late lunch.  Just as I was finishing up with my hair, my smoke alarms pierced the silence of the morning.  Since they are all so close together, I couldn't determine which one had gone off.  I checked both the up and downstairs for any sign of smoke.  The alarm went off for just a few seconds and quit.  Thinking it was maybe a fluke or had something to do with my hairspray, yes I am so logical with these kinds of things, I still had my plans ahead.  Seven minutes later, the smoke alarms went off again.  Now I knew, plans would be scratched as I called my friends to see if they could come over and help me determine the problem.  I started taking out all the batteries because I figured they needed changing anyway.  Bill came over and looked at everything.  The detector in our bedroom isn't the easy install kind and he was able to get the battery out of it.  We made plans for him to return around 1:00 to take care of everything.  Meanwhile, I went to CVS to buy new 9 volt batteries.  On my way I made a list of things we don't have here at the house that are basic supplies.  What better place than CVS?  Well, there are better places and better prices but my mind was in the get basic staples mode.  Got the batteries and then wandered up and down the aisles picking up various and sundry items.  Before checking out I went through the basket taking inventory of what I had procured on round one of stocking up.  Let's see, laxative, Imodium, ear wax cleaner, sore muscle spray, band-aids, flavored water, and various other personal need type items.  It was a mix of weird stuff that surely would get a 'glance' of amusement or suspicion especially when it is easier to buy these things when they are surrounded by groceries and much less inspection is given.  Sense of humor to the rescue as the young man began ringing up the items and I said as he was putting things into the bag, "well, it's the weekend isn't it?  You've got to live every once in a while."  And with that, I left the store.  I was able to get the batteries changed out and only had trouble with the detector in our bedroom.  Bill and Vivian came over a little after 1:00 and Bill got it all taken care of.  I am so thankful for good friends who came to my rescue.

Nancy and Barbara came just as Vivian and Bill were leaving, so it was fun for everyone to meet.  Nancy, Barbara and I went out to lunch at Turkey Creek, did some shopping at the antique store across the road and then drove around a bit to see the scenery. We returned with to go dessert from Turkey Creek and ate it out on the front porch.  The weather on Saturday was Chamber of Commerce perfect.

Sunday morning of course is Sunday School and church.  I went back to the same SS class and I really enjoy those ladies.  They are funny, deeply spiritual and serious.  That's a great combo.  After church, I had been invited by Vivian's Aunt Mary to have lunch with them at her house.  Oh my, everything was so delicious.  I loved hearing the stories of growing up on the farm and cherished memories of their loved ones.  Loved them all but I kind of liked Aunt Mary's story of her pet goat Suzy the best.  I came home and took a short nap and then did everything I needed to take care of before Vivian picked me up for choir.  Success was mine this trip down the driveway with the garbage can and I put it in the right spot.  Hallelujah!  Vivian picked me up early to drive me around and show me some farms and homes in the general area.  The back roads of NC are beautiful!  In fact, I think this was my first time to sit in a passenger seat.  The rolling hills, old barns and farm animals cover the landscape.  Extra benefit,the many plants and trees in bloom,  We went to choir and like most good choirs I have known the sopranos outnumber the altos but our small group of altos held our own...mostly.  We worked on several songs and then it was time to go home.

This weekend was a good reminder that we don't control or even manage anything.  Sometimes I can be feeling too self sufficient and the Lord reminded me that we need one another and we live His life in community.  I am learning the secrets of the seasons here, like don't put out bedding plants until after Mother's Day.  We will have two more potentially cold spells when the dogwoods bloom, and they are doing that now and when the blackberries bloom, which will be right around the corner time wise.  Then it is safe, frost season is over.  Secrets of the seasons...since living in Texas and only knowing two seasons, summer and then the three days of winter.  I had no interest in secrets of the seasons because it is no secret is just dang hot most of the time.  Just this past week everything is blooming and greening up.  The view from the front porch is much greener today than it was this time last week.  Secrets of the seasons, that is resonating with me this morning because we have those seasons in our walk with the Lord.  We read Hebrews 1:1 in SS and Acts 1:1-8 in church.  My attention was drawn to various ways and various times, many times and from time to time...the Lord spoke and showed up.  We discussed the walk to Emmaus and I saw things with new eyes....and new eyes of the heart and that is one of my favorite passages in Luke.  We know the secret things belong to the Lord and in this season, I want to notice the various, many and the time to times with Him.  

Friday, April 10, 2015

Happy Friday!I

Good Morning from the mountains.  I have a "winter view" of sunrise and as more trees begin to bud and leaf, I won't be able to see it as well.  The skies are becoming a little more overcast as the rain nears us.  The radar shows we should receive a good soaking and as it keeps moving east.  Lowe's called early this morning and our refrigerator isn't in yet, so that frees me up a little more than I had anticipated.  Of course there is work to be done around here but there is always an opportunity to get out and about in a 'new land.'

Our deacon to our family stopped by yesterday to drop off the new member packet.  He and his wife are fellow Texans that followed their dream of leaving behind the heat.  My SS teacher called on Wednesday just to check in with me.  Wow!  I'm not used to having all this personal contact from church and it is a rather nice experience.   I told Dena about the SS teacher calling and she joked that she had called me on Sunday.  Dena was my friend before she taught Dayspring, so that doesn't count as an official call that can be checked off on the envelope.  While Deacon Bob was here, Vivian stopped in and we all had a great visit.  I loved that Vivian and I got to visit a while after Bob left.  She told me of more places that she wants to show me and I am really excited to see everything.

If you are wondering where all the honey and bumble bees have gone, I believe you will find them on the front porch of our house.  We have these huge forsythia bushes below the porch and they are drawing bees, birds and butterflies.  No birds and bees hanky panky going on but I cannot say the same for the cows across the street.  We also have this tree blooming in the back that I thought was a crepe myrtle but Vivian told me it is too early for those to be blooming here.

What was supposed to be a rainy day on Wednesday became a beautiful sunshiny day.  The birds singing, the breeze blowing and I was happy sitting by the window in an upstairs room.  I took advantage of the good weather by picking up the solar lanterns from Sears and then wandering down to Barnes and Noble.  Yes, what do I not need?  Books and yes, I bought two.  It's a sickness and if I can be really vulnerable here, I bought another journal.  Although, I bought this one for the quotes and Bible verses in it.   Then off to The Fresh Market for a few things.  Since the day had turned out to be rain free, a trip to the dump was in order.  So, I filled the back of Sequisha with all manner of boxes and packing material and made my way to the dump.  It is such a beautiful drive.  Really, it is!  The lady at the check in asked about Roy and I told her he had gone back to work, so it was just me today.  I tried to make him believe I got a better rate but it just wasn't happening.  Since I was close by Weaverville, I went to town and had lunch, then stopped at Ace Hardware and Tractor Supply.

One of the things that our deacon, Bob, told me was how fortunate we were to move into this area.  He shared his story of he and his wife coming here and our story sounds a little bit like theirs.  I cannot thank God enough for His kindness!  Bob was telling me about the different areas around here and Roy and I had looked in those towns and areas.  One had more of a north-Floridian feel, one area is rather clannish and if you aren't family, you aren't worth the time and he said in Asheville, it has become such a conglomeration of fellow pilgrims to this promised land, he said you might not ever meet anyone actually from the area.  We are in an area where family farms and land still are intact.  There are some new comers, like us, but the people are friendly and welcoming.  Our stories of coming to Newfound Baptist were similar as well.  Last August I had planned on visiting several churches but after one visit to Newfound, I wasn't interested in visiting anyplace else.

I can already feel a difference in how I feel.  When I get tired, it is a good kind of tired from work and from stair climbing.  The past few days have been warmer than usual but the humidity is so low it doesn't feel like it is in the 80's.  And now with the delivery of the recumbent bike, I can be tired from lots of exercise   Fortunately, it is in the bonus room which doesn't have a closet.  So it is a pretty far piece from hanging clothes on it...well, yet.





Tuesday, April 7, 2015

And Now a PSA for Dealing With a Difficult Person

I'm taking advantage again of not having a set schedule to ease into the day at a rather slow pace.  I woke up early and spent a little bit of time working on getting those small things that are strewn about put away.  All that is pretty much what is left to do, small things.  Roy and I did get a lot done last week.  Well, I still have my closet which is not a small thing but it will get done.

Today is the release of Melanie Shankle's book, Nobody is Cuter Than You.  It is a book on friendship and how friends have changed the course of her life.  I ordered the book and it should be delivered sometime this week.  This is a book I could have written because friends throughout my life have been lifesavers and anchors in the storms of life.  Storms come and go but I am fortunate to have life-long friends that come with sticking power.  Do we talk everyday?  No.  Do we email everyday? No.  But we can pick up right where we last left off.  The thoughts of my friends this morning is especially powerful and poignant because if it is April and I'm in North Carolina, you can bet the farm we will get a call from Adult Protective Services investigating the false accusations by my father.  They called last week and Roy returned their call yesterday.  He said it was a short conversation when this case worker heard we have not seen or spoken with him in three years and hearing that I am in North Carolina pretty much closed out the case.  She never told him what the accusations were but we can guess with precision accuracy though and that's fine with us.  Throughout the years in the ups and downs of dealing with him and experiencing the hurt and abuse of a unstable person, there has been a God-given blessing with friends.  They listened to my complaints and we prayed through so many situations.  Then as years continued and his interruptions weren't so impactful and menacing, friends helped me think through situations and how I could handle him without fighting or arguing or getting really mad, because that is usually what people like him want, a confrontation so that they are able to unleash all their toxic words and thoughts.  Then two major things happened, I started going to a therapist who gave me the correct tools for his situation and I released Roy to tackle my father head on and it was kind of funny, my father didn't know what hit him because he saw Roy as a weak and not worthy man.  He had never seen "work Roy" and he was quite unnerved having to go through him to talk with me.  (We were in the midst of my heart issues and knew stress was a factor that triggered really bad a-fib)  Conversations with my father totally did me in and it would take several days to recover from them.  Marty F called me the other day as she was driving home from California and I had a chance to thank her for listening and praying and then I apologized that she had to listen to all that junk.  She was so gracious in her response.  Beth R in Seattle listened to me a whole lot and of all my friends, she saw the damage being done up close and personal.  Mary Madeline let me escape many a day through phone calls or by coming to her home.  I am ever so grateful that her mom let me come over and hang out with them.  And you can fast forward to the present, Peggy and Dena let me tell them the latest incident and then we laugh and go on with life.  In the aftermath of hearing from Roy what the phone call was all about yesterday, I wrote the following yesterday afternoon:

If it is April and if I am in North Carolina you can almost bet there will be a call from Adult Protective Services investigating accusations brought against us by my father.  Only thing every time they have called with the exception of the first call, I have been in North Carolina.  Again, he says we have been over at his house moving things, taking things or harassing him.  Once again we state we have not seen him in three years and he severed the relationship with papers given to me by his then attorney.  I haven't a clue if any of his posse remains or if he has run them off as well.  We again had to explain that he is a notorious liar and can sound reasonable.  Then we share with them his hatred for me since the age of five. It gets a little less painful every time we have to tell that story because really who wants to explain the deep hatred of a mentally ill man, who has been this way all of his life.  Back in the day he could cover his tracks and lies, but he isn't that adept anymore at keeping info from whom he wants to and what "stories" he shares with those he has deemed usable in his weaving of facts and lies to make the whole conglomeration his truth.  Every time he reports us the spotlight on him gets a little hotter.  A guardian needs to be appointed for him because he doesn't trust his family to care for his well being.  It was not lost on me that when we left on March 27th, it had been three years since that fateful day.  God is the God of details.  Since that whole box debacle in September, the eyes of my heart and understanding have been opened.  Things from the past that never made sense finally made sense because his hatred for me has been continuous, not here and there like I had always believed.  I now understand my mother's predicament and how showing too much compassion toward me put her in harms way, because he is and was a genius at emotional abuse.  Where our treasure is, there our heart will be also.  His treasure, his heart has always been money and possessions.  If he felt he couldn't compete with anyone from church or the neighborhood, he just tore them down to others to justify his ego.  Many times I think he was friends with those he felt he was better than insuring his savior complex would remain in tack.  Truly, I wish he could have gotten help at some point but with a personality disorder, nothing is ever his fault.  He would have to admit he is wrong and that is something he doesn't do.  Well not like normal folks, instead he takes the victim role until he thinks he can once again dominate and intimidate and overpower whomever his target is at the time.

I share all of this for those who might be dealing with a person like my father who is constantly churning and stirring up conflict and strife.  There is a good life apart from people like this and it is a difficult start to the journey because you have to set boundaries when they haven't been used to you doing that.  Give a lot of time to prayer because without the Lord this is an impossible journey but He does sustain and give hope when we feel utterly hopeless.  You can know you are loved and have purpose no matter what they have said to you in the past.  Ask God to bring friends into your life that will pray with you and then cheer you on because we are over comers!  Don't burden your friends with all the details though, because some of that can only be understood by you or if you don't understand it, can only be processed by you.  God is there and He gives us the resources and tools, most importantly His Word.  Also, ask the Lord to reveal to you any of "your persons" traits in you. I will share with you that I was going down that same path long ago because that is all I knew and in hindsight see that what I had been taught was for my own detriment and destruction.  Shake that junk off of you, read the Epistles and see what life in Christ looks like especially in relationship to others.  Really study God's love and what that looks like and then receive it for yourself and then share and give it away.  You'll be much better for that.  And God is faithful because He has given me friends here that bring much joy and fun to life.

The day is in the later part of the morning and I am still in my jammies.  It could be a pajama day though.  I am almost bruised from pinching myself that I am really here and really enjoying the peace and pace of life and the beauty of God's creation.  


Nancy's Monablog