I read a snippet of an article on LSU football and something that Brian Kelly said. This week LSU plays Louisiana Tech in Death Valley. When asked about preparation for the week Kelly said, it is difficult when you have an un-named opponent verses preparing for SEC games and rivalries. You know what to expect and the players themselves know the history. There really isn't any history with La Tech except that LSU is trying to help football programs at universities in Louisiana with much needed funds. Also hopeful that one of these other teams doesn't upset LSU. Preparing for an un-named opponent verses an unknown opponent has kind of settled in the brain thinking through that in life situations. Maybe even into a spiritual capacity. Don't have much to write about in this capacity cause I need to think about it and ponder it. This also will help me remember I once had a thought about this.
We are socked in with fog, a dense fog. The house across the way has disappeared again from view. The weather report last night told us it would thusly and they were right on this one. No place pressing to have to be at this morning. So thankful for that.
With the beginning of fallish like temps, some days, and with those autumnal hues of nature come the "good try" colors of fallish clothes. I love looking at the websites suggested to me by FB. That also means my inbox is filled with offers from said clothiers. Love J Jill and April Cornell, I check in with The Nord and Macy's and a few others. This year got the early jump on two pairs of boots. Now I'm on the search for a particular style jacket and so far the regular stops on the internet have proved futile.
Got the good news on the skin biopsy, the mole is benign. PTL! Now I just have a return appointment to take care of another little problem area and I should be good to go and maybe even get on the once a year mole patrol.
I finished the book When Narcissism Comes to Church. So much packed into the relatively small book. The author goes beyond a person with NPD but systems that continue a supply for a church or nonprofit system to run. This goes to a deeply personal level with me being raised by a father with NPD. All the hurt and quirks are brought to the level of the years and years of his abuse toward our family and toward others and the best part, the escape out of those grasping emotions. Textbook really because he couldn't find a new way of using people as possessions. Men with NPD have mother wounds and believe you me, he had those issues with his mother. He was not the golden child he was the scapegoat. It caused his attachment issues and lack of compassion, empathy or mercy. I read yesterday that abnormal brain development can be seen clearly in those with NPD. I've remembered these past few days the enormous weight I carried as a child because he put all those issues and problems on me because and this is no surprise at the end of the story where life did not turn out to his way of thinking, I was the cause of those problems. So while most second and third graders were challenged by math problems and learning how to write in cursive, I was worried that we wouldn't make the mortgage payment or that he was going to lose his job. The problems he had with my mother and that mainly to her credit was resisting the total destruction of her personality by him. I think about that more now than the destruction attempted on my brother and me. His lack of friendships at church of course, were due to my mom. She wasn't good enough and no one wanted to be around her. Uh, change that pronoun to he/him and there is the true version of that story or stories. In his later years he chose the attempt of taking down a good man that was beloved by their church. My father failed and he was left to sit alone on Sunday mornings, at home, reviewing every hurt that had come his way instead of making things right with the church or visit other churches. The term I learned in reading this book is, looking for a supply. Supply = people to control. His supply was running thin and I think the attempt he made at trying to ruin Roy and me and our reputations with his false accusations and false reports made to the police, constable office and adult protective services was the last straw in his once never ending supply. His malice and hatred turned into his being the victim. I truly think during all of this he wanted his cancer, non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, to return because of all the attention he received in his first go around. All the friends and church that did care, had died, including my mother. He had been fortunate in most of his life, getting away with his behavior. It's ironic, he got tired of taking care of my mom and most probably hastened the end of her life. One of the very things that saved him, her presence and her willingness to pick up the pieces in the places he messed up. She did the reconciliation with friends and family, she made things right. Here was this man with huge mother wounds, issues with women but most particularly strong women and they and we were the ones that did the work to cover and make excuses for his problems. edswf - Baxter tried to help me write. Just within the last few years I have realized the huge price my mom paid, the things she gave up and her actions to appease the wildly predictable reactions and thought process with my father. Maybe that should be lack of thought progress with my father.
Looks like our detour will be needed for several months. We don't mind it because the detour views are beautiful, more scenic than the regular route. We are having rain in the afternoons again and everything is so greened up. Hopefully, this will make for spectacular fall colors.
LSU won but they didn't look good and Florida is the next opponent in Death Valley.
With the cooler temps we have checked a few things off the list concerning outdoor chores. We decided to outsource a couple of things that we felt we could take care of but if we outsource we can do some of those little bothersome chores. I put a new coat of paint on the railings of the front yard steps. Dead headed two and a half rose bushes and cut off some zinnias dried blooms for the seeds for next year. Looks like our beans and peas are finished blooming for the year. I didn't think anything would come of this experience and happily I can report I was so wrong. The footrests of the outside furniture got a coat of paint today and the chairs will be ready to do later this week.
Roy took a bunch of stuff to Goodwill yesterday. Once again I can tell stories of where I was in life but what brand of clothes I liked. When Eddie Bauer launched dressier clothes back in the day, those clothes were the foundation of my work wardrobe. Then in an especially trying time of life, Soft Surroundings but not the full price clothes, always the clearance. Clearwater Creek because it was convenient in Katy. J Jill has been a recent love but April Cornell has been my choice of late. Every once in awhile I would buy Soft Surroundings things since they were across from Wink, where I got my hair cut. But not a lot cause of the memories in that time frame.
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