Thursday, September 10, 2015

Thoughts on Thirty Eight

This past week we have been discussing and really laughing over our new normal and a whole nother way of thinking. It does keep the brain young. Since April we have learned so much about spring and when to plant, that what may look like weeds is really flowers, that if you have mail, the postman leaves the door to the mailbox open, so that you'll know when you drive by the box, BBQ is pork, and so many other things. We talked about celebrating our days that we celebrate and how that looks and how will that work? We decided instead of thinking on the old, routine ways, we would have to use some creativity and hopefully add the element of surprise. We aren't real sure on that one, but we know we need to celebrate forward not backward. Our conversations are more focused and really we have a new appreciation of one another and those things that attracted us to each other back in the long ago day. We make the most of our time.  Some days are easier than others. Some days the decisions we have to make are difficult but we know to be diligent and more importantly to walk in love is the new normal and with our new way of approaching life. I will say I don't feel as brain fogged as I have the past few years and having a higher energy level is so very welcomed. One thing that has not changed, his ability to completely exhaust me in Lowe's or Target...for such a logical man in 98% of life, he is totally illogical in those places and we make our way through the stores several times before finally going to the check out.

September 9th. Today is our 38th anniversary and being the loving, wonderful wife I don't mind that Roy is going to Spaghetti and Smack tonight for the fantasy football league he is in. Really, that is what love does and is. Now love called me early this morning to wish me a Happy Anniversary and woke me up. The only reason I heard the call is due to the fact I didn't silence my phone last night. Ah love, it is a wonderful thing. Now you might be asking what did you get one another for your anniversary? Well, you probably aren't asking but work with me celebrate we had new tires put on Sequisha, most probably having a generator installed, buying a new truck and the thing that speaks love and what to give on one's thirty eighth anniversary, a new A/C Heat Pump system! Now if we had only been married ten years or less, I would not think these would be very romantic gifts but at the age of 61, I'm telling you these are the things that make you a cool wife or a smoking hot wife, and not in the minister referring way of hot wife...But these purchases say love all over the place to me. Roy is probably thinking more of the financial hit our budget will take but in the end like he always says to me, what blesses you is going to bless me. So for this anniversary, we celebrate apart but our hearts are knit with a tighter woven thread. I wish I could wax more poetic but seriously Roy is the more romantic hearted of us both. I think one of the best memories of just everyday life with him is when he fixed a salad and cut the tomatoes into the words I Love You.

I have written a bit of the emotional turmoil I have felt in the last month or so and I think I am beginning to understand a bit of what is behind it. It takes a lot for me to feel guilty because my guilt response was broken years ago but I think I feel a tad or maybe more than a tad guilty that I am able to pursue my purpose and calling; to live in one of the most beautiful places ever and Roy makes that all possible for me. That's a huge thing to think on and it is a huge sacrifice for him to make...for me.

So as is a usual practice, you are getting a combination of days post. We had a lovely day and talked a little more than usual but we laughed the usual amount no matter how many calls we have during the day and evening. He liked the card I gave him. On the front a photo of a grouping of rocks that are heart shaped. Many, many years ago when we could not get along and we worked together and traveled together. We were doing an audit in Connecticut on a well that was just a few miles from our home. We were having a tough time and we had driven out to one of the small beaches scattered throughout the area. As we were walking and discussing our future together we came across a heart shaped rock. I picked it up and we decided then and there that we could not divorce unless we both came back to the same beach and return that rock. Thankfully, we never have had to return it because there was a turning point right. We released our unrealistic expectations of one another and we let go of the excess baggage we had both brought into the marriage. It was not an instantaneous result but a long process with different eyes and heart. Now on this side of things...I am glad we didn't act hastily or haphazardly.

So, I wonder what the thirty ninth anniversary gift is? Probably a new roof. I am hoping we choose a metal one.

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