Wednesday Writings from Home

I was talking to Kelly yesterday before leaving for a writing class at St. Luke's Methodist and we had a conversation that I would have loved to give much more time to. I was gulping down a Luna Bar and one of those big red Sam's Washington State apples, the kind that make your jaws hurt biting into it and catching up with her and life experienced on the run. It was not so much catching up as it was confirmation to the fact of our desperate need for God. Yes, OEG, a confirmation was going on right outside the Garden Bookstore inside a Baptist church. We are tired, worn out, stretched beyond ourselves and desiring God so much in our ordinary moments. She understood when I lamented about my lack of anything looking like a quiet time and commiserated with her desire not to bring God the left overs of her life. We dissected authenticity and reality of walking out the ordinary in a very sacred way. Let's face it, we got a lot covered in about 10 minutes of time and if your minutes before noon went really slow, we are to blame, because God slowed down time and our ADD brains to let His Spirit permeate and resonate.





We are hard working at church. The past few weeks has been full of deadlines, addressing needs, answering questions, producing correct paperwork and now the new hassle of ordering office supplies easily as we get ready for the fall. In my small area it seems as of late so much has been relegated to last minute status. And it is up to me and my excellent attitude to take care of things excellently when the initiator of the projects has coasted until the deadline loomed large or the initiator has no clue the amount of time some things take. The coasting is exacting too much from me. I come home exhausted and listless. There is a lot of emotional energy that is required in the office as I tip toe around those whose feelings are readily available to be hurt, navigate the treacherous waters of those who are self centered and be the clown, the funny one, the one who makes everything OK. I don't mind that at all, in fact that is really who I am and laughter and making others laugh is a gift from God. I love doing that and can do it on auto pilot when need be. Set the cruise control for 60 miles an hour of fun and laughter. Since I am not in a bad mood, merely tired, I can add this poem by a teenage girl (in 1960) who is the life of the party , always up, always in a good mood and making others laugh from Ken Gire's book, Seeing What is Sacred." It resonated with me the first time I read it and if you are like me, have the gift of fun, laughter and merriment, it might do the same in you. If you love the image that a funny person gives, this might be a poem for reflection and understanding.

Do you know what it's like to be a clown?

Do you know what it's like to suffer

from too many laughs?

Do you know what it is like for a

girl to be born a circus act?

Do you know what it's like to have a funny bone

for a brain?

Do you?

I don't have any white paint

on my face, but I wear a mask.

I have a silly smile that never changes.

It's always there and everyone expects it to be there.

They like it that way.

They enjoy a clown and they use a clown

because they think a clown doesn't care.

about anything.

I can't enjoy a bad mood with other people.

That's a strange luxury.

I have to be a clown.

Whenever people tease me I turn into an act,

a fool standing on my head.

Then I look up and I see a world full of upside down people

trying to be what they aren't.

I see so many people wearing strange colorless makeup,

and they longer they wear it the harder it is to

discover what kind of people they really are underneath.

I'm waiting for someone to step behind my face

and find me!

Not Stevie, but me!

Lord, when will this Stevie be free to be me?

Partner this with Roy's overwhelming office life right now and we both are living a lack luster life. Buddy is the only lively one in the evenings and as cute as that may be, her prowling and adventures usually add to our tiredness and frustration. The conversation with Kelly and the ongoing frustrations, times and seasons of life right now is causing me to examine my life and to offer once again to God, who and what I am. I am looking for His leading and guidance and I want Him to just want to hang out with me right now. And so to be able to have some hang out time with God, I am on vacation. This morning while getting ready I asked God to let me rest, but also to cram everything in that needs to be done. I want to read all I can get my hands on, and I don't want to worry if I think about what I am doing is productive or a complete waste of time... In all I want to know His presence and talk with Him for a long time, not in the formality of quiet time, but in life. More importantly I want to be able to have the attention span to hear Him speak and know the ongoing conversation He and I are having.


The writing class that several of us went to at St. Luke's was an oasis to my soul. Cheryl, therapist, keeps asking me what nourishes my soul? I came away yesterday all fat and sassy, complete with a literary toothpick hanging from my lips because of all the words, then forming words, loving words, and creating sentences, constructing paragraphs and eventually developing something that might be worth reading. The instructor used several of my all time favorite words, kudzu, ensconced, genre and niche. Of all the tables full of participants, I believe our table had the most fun and it energized me to participate and grab every bit of life from the brief time we had to learn.


This post has gone on for way too long and I have other writings rumbling around in me, but for now I need to quit. Now I am going to start reading Amy Tan's book, "Saving Fish From Drowning." My long time friend and first tennis partner I ever had,Cris, has invited me to join her book club. Of course to celebrate joining a book club, the fact I am on vacation and today was a shopping day, I ordered 6 new books from Amazon. Oh, law, I am so addicted to books.