A Friday Morning Gift-Wonderstuck

For years I dreaded "the holidays."  If this had been a typical year, Thanksgiving would be crossed off the list and I would bravely push forward to endure the next biggie, Christmas.   I counted the days until life returned to normal in January.  Don't get me wrong, I participated in the church Christmas program, passionately sang Christmas Carols, exchanged gifts, sent cards and attended parties, even gave parties but not whole-heatedly.  The holidays meant spending much more time with family.  It isn't that I didn't love my family, it was the stress, drama, unrealistic expectations (my father's) and heartache (mine) that came along with the holidays. 

There seemed to be a rigidity to our being thankful in November and then celebrating Jesus' birth in December.  Many years there was little variance.  Our times were almost scripted complete with a timeline that we knew even as children; a high price would be paid for any deference or lack of adhering to the stiff conditions required by my father.  When my brother and I became adults and brought spouses into our little family, holiday gatherings, the rules and requirements of my father extended to them.  My father had such unrealistic expectations.  He wanted us to be a family that would gather around the piano and sing Thanksgiving hymns and Christmas Carols.  The only thing, none of us could play a piano and we didn't even own a piano.  So how was this going to happen? Nothing could happen organically. He couldn't trust any of us to do "holidays" right. My mother was a wonderful cook, but he would take over the kitchen and he would prepare the meal because she couldn't do it to his liking.  I have a natural comedic bent and if I was too funny, he would sulk because the attention wasn't on him.  He made fun of everything and everybody and enjoyed knowing he had gotten to you..  There was many a holiday I ran back to my childhood bedroom and cried because of mean spirited words.  On Christmas morning what should be a joyous happy time, was somber and we were on the clock.  Only one person could open gifts and if we took too long our presents were abruptly taken from us until we could adhere to his prescribed script and timeline.  It got to the point that I really didn't care if Christmas presents were taken from me because we didn't receive anything we ever asked for.  My father believed you didn't give any gifts that had been asked for, because where was the surprise?   At some point in the day he would let us all know that all his friends were having happier and better holidays.  It was our fault that his day had not been perfect.  He would turn his high back winged chair to the corner, open his gifts in silence or sometimes eat Christmas dinner in that position.  Funny, as I look back at it, we should have left him there in the corner pouting but we all had that, "but this is the holidays, time for family and joy" mindset and deep down we knew this whole ridged and scripted experiences wasn't right. 

For years I thought God acted just like my father. My view of God was flawed but I still thought don't ask anything you really want in prayer or being cognisant of His presence and attention would be a good thing...no thank you.  Sur[prise was not a good word when it came to things with my father, so when I heard that God loved us and wanted to surprise us with good things, I again thought no thank you.  My view of God was based on fear.  I loved Jesus and thought the Holy Spirit was pretty cool, but I didn't really want to have all that much to do with God.  Of course that thought about God was so long ago and I know differently now. 

I have had the wonderful privilege of reading and getting a sneak peek from the book Wonderstruck, Awaken to the Nearness of God by Margaret Feinburg.  In fact I took them with me for this last Thanksgiving week Roy and I spent at the Inn on the Biltmore Estate.  Each morning the sunrise sky was a little different.  Some mornings the sunrise had lots of pink, some had yellow tones and there were several that were foggy and mist laden.  The days were sunny and we enjoyed the antics of the geese and ducks and the gentle peacefulness of the sheep and cows.  The trees still had golden and yellow leaves of fall and some were already in their winterness.  The contrasts, of sky, trees and dried grass were beautiful to behold. We watched the sunset each night and they were as good as the morning sunrise with color, clouds and creativity.  Being there in the Smokey Mountains, how could anyone not see the awesomeness and wonder of God.  He was showing off big time and we took it all in.  Wonderstruck made us more in tune to realize God's nearness and presence.  This is one of my favorite quotes from the book,

"God is not merely at your fingertips but within your grasp.  Live each day like a child digging through a treasure chest, rifling for the next discovery.  Open your arms and your eyes to the God who stands in plain sight and works miracles in your midst.  Look for him in your workdays and weekends, in your meeting filled Mondays and your lazy Saturdays.  Search for him in the snowy sunsets and Sabbaths, seasons of Lent and sitting at your table.  Pray for-and expect-wonder.  For when you search for God, you will discover him.  Live awake and aware because the wonder awaits."

You might be thinking, so why did you bore us with your whole, sad, holiday story?  Just this, to declare, God is in plain sight and works miracles in your midst.  He is not a God who is rigid and scripted.  He has joy and surprises for us, if we will take notice.  Roy and I went to North Carolina for Thanksgiving, to do something different this year.  Roy suggested the trip last year after we had the service for my mom the Friday after Thanksgiving.  You know my father's streak of ruining the holidays and now my mom's service was still in tack.  But here's the thing, the BIG thing of God!  I thought that the wonders of God's creation was His Big thing for us there in the mountains...no, it happened in the car.  As we drove back home, I changed the channel on the radio and the song He Touched Me was playing.  That was my mom's favorite song and it had been sung at her service.  I looked over at the clock and this song was playing at the same time as when  my friend Lisa sang it for mom's funeral.  Totally amazed and blown away by God.  His timing=Wonderstruck!  He did that just for me.  Oh, how I love HIM!

Christmas Day, Wonderstruck will be available on Amazon and other book retailers.  Come join Margaret and those of us who #livewonderstruck and join in the adventure of awe.