It is a beautiful morning for celebrating Texas Independence Day which happens to be March 2. This morning the birds were in full voice welcoming the sun. The mockingbirds are strutting their stuff on the side yard fence. The tree on the green space, next to our fence was leafless and stark in contrast to the background of the sky. This morning I have noticed a cluster of new leaves breaking out of the once dormant limbs. Its rest of winter is over and the beginnings of new life started in quick earnest. The sun and the lamp in the living room once again coordinated a spectacular light show in the kitchen and on the ceilings. These quiet mornings of recuperation have been healing.
Last year at this time my head was so in North Carolina although I was here. The days full of preparation for the big move. My thoughts were of what ifs and full of how will it be and truthfully the few weeks left before moving were not filled with mindful presence of where I was, but of where I would be. Even though we all, friends, had meaningful conversations of what the days ahead would hold, we all know tucked there in the back of our minds is the thought of missing each other but the reality is our days of everyday living will overtake our attention of who we miss. Thankfully, we remember one another during seasons of absence.
This time leaving has a different feel, a better feel and probably the most correct feel. Since arriving back here on January 22, my focus has had to be get better, get well. Would I pick up my mat and walk thus being able to return home? It wasn't just the exercise and PT that facilitated healing but healing included a loving and caring husband that filled the role of caregiver very well and the love and friendship of friends that made this time so beneficial and fun and rewarding and redeeming.
Just like the tree on the green space, with a healing hip and attitude, new life is ready and I must return. These days have been good and there is a tiny part of me that wants to stay and leave on the original release date given at diagnosis, but the heat and humidity has begun a slight drain on energy the past few days and I know health-wise, it is time to go back. I miss my NC friends and I surely do miss Buddy. I miss Newfound Baptist, the slower pace of life, the beauty, and learning the history of the area where our house is,
This time last year I was leaving here more cynical, even though I fight that part of me diligently but cynicism had won a small victory back then, and critical. I left with some hurt feelings and unresolved situations. Roy and I journeyed to NC knowing some questioned our decision because it didn't look like the decisions they had made. Some even thought there was trouble a brewing when honestly the only thing brewing was coffee in our lives. Guess we both look at NC as our promised land and we take this journey being flexible and finding what works and doesn't work in our new normal. Really, we have both enjoyed having this extended time even with the circumstances. Roy said last night, I am going to miss having someone here that laughs at my jokes but I also think he will be happy not to have a cover stealer in the house.
Today I am six weeks out from hip replacement surgery. The doctor has encouraged me to take it easy once I get back to the mountains, because a whole new set of obstacles will present themselves. More rolling terrain, higher elevation and stairs will test my endurance. I will truly have to concentrate on continuing to walk in the new way that helps reduce stumbles, trips and falls. Part of the work has been training my brain or maybe that should be retraining my brain on what I can, cannot or should not do.
My heart though is different on the brim of returning. Since 2008 God has been working and changing my heart...softening it. At first it was necessary recovery from cardiomyopathy, not getting as angry or upset about things...it just took energy away that was a daily need and I didn't have that much to spare. But it is a more deeply spiritual thing and I see that there was a part I was not understanding, that is until I shattered my hip. Again, I now see what I was hearing in my spirit as I sat on the cold concrete at that Cracker Barrel in Lafayette.
I'm ready to go back where I don't watch as much TV because I would rather watch the cows across the road. It's time to get back to a place where "spin" and "marketing" doesn't have as much emphasis as it does here. Back to where ministry is about doing, hands on...not so much desiring a speaking ministry as is wont to be here in churches around the state. Back to the Annie Armstrong Offering. I need to get back where most people don't live "practiced lives" but live authentically without a lot of hoopla or grudge holding. I need to get back so I am ready for produce stand season, my very favorite. I need to get back and catch up on all my history lessons from friends who have lived there all their lives. But I need to get back because that is where I (we) belong. My time here in Texas has been excellent and so much fun. Goodness, I don't think I have been this social in so long and I even had to turn down opportunities. In the words of Mrs. Hortense Daigle, I didn't know I had so many social obligations but I am not a superior person. Now you have to watch The Bad Seed to see what I am talking about. Friends here have gone beyond the call and have kept me fed, entertained, on time for appointments and yes, made my sides ache with laughter.
So I am ready to go back to NC. Ready to see friends and ready to see if Buddy remembers me and if so will she still love me....tomorrow. Song alert....
Thank you to all that read the blog and have indulged me as I write all things hip replacement.
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