January 29, 2009 was my last day working at HFBC. So, it has been a year ago tomorrow that I retired. That last year of working under such tremendous stress and deadlines had contributed to the downfall of my health. There were many evenings I came home and would recount to myself how excited I had been when I first went to work at the church. My spirit knew I was not just working for a person but I was serving Him. Such an exciting season as I made coffee, did the coffee set ups, learned how to bar code, and request rooms and room set ups. I made copies, copies and more copies. Most requests were done in triplicate form that required much more time than when the church forms and requests came into the computer age, finally. How exciting when part time became full time divided between two ministries for me. Then finally, I made the complete and total move to Ministries and working for Jason. Somewhere along the way, the excitement died off. My eyes turned from serving the Lord, to just getting everything done and done in a timely matter. My spirit was broken down. I had been worn down with emotional blackmail, I had been accused of things I never even thought of, I was being squeezed out and neatly placed in a corner, never to be asked to participate in ministry again and I felt like I was becoming "that" person who I had seen so many times on staff, the fire had gone out. I was content to do my time and plan for my time away from the office. Than along came a virus that set down inside me and scared poor little Miss Muffet away.
On Tuesday night Beth was teaching the introduction to David, Seeking a Heart Like His. Her description of Saul and Saul's approach to being king resonated deeply inside my spirit. She said about Saul, A position that exceeds passion often settles with appeasement. Whoa! That's good!! A leader leads and loves the service, she continued. My passion for my job and the diminishing love for the service was evident. I was done and so over with the whole thing. Oh, I am so glad God got me out of my situation before my heart turned cold and stony to the things of God.
This has been a tough year in many ways and I wouldn't want it any other way. To see God in these situations and His Word coming alive. How thankful I am to the Lord. His mercies and compassion's are new every morning. To have the chance He is giving me to walk in the calling He has for me. To be blessed with a loving and servant hearted husband. To have such wonderful friends that walk along with me, praying and helping me when weak. To Him I am most grateful and thankful!
Now I wouldn't be truthful if I didn't tell y'all I love the opportunity to sleep in, to have no demands on my schedule and to shop when the whole world is at work and school, is simply wonderful! When having so many fun lunches with friends outnumbers the days in the week to fit them all in? Priceless!
This afternoon a book that my friend Susan K recommended came. I've hardly been able to put the thing down. The Days of Fire and Glory is the title and it is about Church of the Redeemer here in Houston. The glory days and the aftermath. As a college student, I attended Friday night services many a time and Sunday mornings before going back to Southwest Texas State now known as Texas State University. The music, God's presence and the mural totally had my attention. I am so glad I never wanted to go to the chapel afterwards for prayer. Think God was protecting my young and impressionable emotions. I did experience God in a whole new way to me though in that season of young adulthood.
So all in all, I am looking forward to seeing what God's plan and will is for 2010. I have a sense deep in my spirit what the year might look like. I'm leaning hard into Him as He directs my steps as I guard my heart.
2 comments:
Nancy, oh what a great post. Where you wrote "Oh, I am so glad God got me out of my situation before my heart turned cold and stony to the things of God." That was ME ME ME too.
I just this week wrote about my experience on my blog also.
You're good people.
And I love this post.
Nancy, you are such a good writer. Your post today blesses me and I resonate with the statement God gave you via Beth last Tuesday night.
The is the first study in I guess ten years now that I have not participated in only because God has called me to a season of rest via my current health issue.
In 1969, it was a Sunday late afternoon early evening when man stepped on the moon for the first time in history. I so wanted to watch history in the making live on TV but I was commited to being on time even if my Spanish Baptist Church was usually on their time schedule. Oh, I have heard and seen the replay more times than I can count, though it is not the same live.
During that experience my passion to be employed by "the church" died. I grew up with a love of going to church but now realized I wanted to be at church because I wanted to be there not because my job said I had to be there.
I'm so grateful your passion is still in check. You bless me as well as many others in many ways. God is doing a work in both of us. You bring our God Great Joy, you are special.
Post a Comment