Tina, Wee Wee Like a Wild Woman or Karate Kid?

Saturday night while flipping through the selections on TV, I came across a Tina Turner concert from 2009. She still has legs at 69 but her killer dance moves have been modified since I last saw her in concert. The intricate moves on Proud Mary that Amy Hodge, Peggy Bain, Lisa P and I performed in the Nordstrom parking garage beside Mustang Sally with the top down just a few years ago can now be simplified if we decide to dance again. Then the signature moment from her concert where she stands on a crane like arm that takes her over the audience really got my attention as she walked and danced on the arm of that thing. Apparently she is very functionally fit to make those kinds of daring moves without a railing on either side. And she is in stiletto heels to boot. I only hope to be able to move like Tina when I am 69. Heck, I would like to do that now at 55! There is one thing though that Tina should maybe re-think. Oh yea, like Tina Turner and I are best friends and she would totally listen to me...but I have to say it. Now when she makes those "hot and sexy faces", she just looks old. It looks more like severe grimacing of someone older who is having trouble walking or getting across the stage. Especially when she was walking that sexy bent over walk...that looked so cool years ago.





If you knew me in the 80's, you'll remember how I LOVED Tina and all the dance moves. I could do the "What's Love Got to do With It" walk and knew all the choreography of her popular songs. What's more, I would put on my stiletto heels and stand in the middle of our bed and do the dance moves while watching all the concert videos. Now that I have written that please do not take a train trip to Smutville as I needed the soft "staging" to be able to do some of the dancing.





Fast forward to this afternoon. I can't even keep my balance with one foot barely lifted off the ground. I did what I hate, I made the Monarch face (grimace) and made sounds like I was trying to lift a chair upstairs just to be able to lift my hips a couple of times off a yoga mat and squeeze the purple ball of death between my knees. Mind you all at the same time while remembering to breath. I became that noise making, grunting person in the gym today. Only, I was in the University Room, so maybe that doesn't count. Who am I to make critical observations of Tina Turner? If I were stopped for drunk driving today, I couldn't walk the line without falling off. I would be begging for a breathalyzer test to prove my innocence. Is it a crime to lose functional fitness?





So if you see me somewhere waiting in line and I am doing a flamingo pose; oh think not that I have to wee wee like a wild woman or getting ready to get all Karate Kid on someone. No, I am only trying to regain some of that athletic prowess I had years ago so I can pass a balance assessment. I lettered 3 years in volleyball in high school. I was named to the All American team as a softball catcher. I played USVBA coed volleyball and did well. I had one of the hardest and fastest amateur serves in tennis. Opponents cringed and ran for cover as I came to the net with a swinging backspin volley. Now I want to be able to walk a straight line and not be so unbalanced. As Roy and I were coming home from dinner tonight, we saw an older woman struggling to step off the curb, hold onto a sack and get into a van. Oh, I lamented to Roy, that's me right now. No he said, that's you when you are 110. Got to love the hubs with a response like that.