Monday, April 9, 2012

Some Difficult Days on the Prairie

Hey did anyone get the license plate of that truck that hit me or know which bus I was thrown under.  To say the past few days have been weird is just like saying they have been strange and odd...they've been all that and...a bag of Chex Mix. 

Last Thursday would have been my mom's 83rd birthday.  I miss her and since I have taken up the garden clippers, shovels and garden soil, I would love to ask her a ton of questions about flowers and gardening.  She had a really green thumb and all her plants were beautiful.  After receiving news last Thursday that is rather upsetting, I can see why she might have liked to spend a lot of time gardening.  It is a good way to work out frustrations.  OK, Roy does almost all the hard work, moving soil, building flower beds, and planting anything that is outside my arm's length, but supervising does help workout the stress.  I kind of had a feeling that being in my father's house looking for phone numbers and trying to find him the day we thought he was missing, would come back to bite me. Ouch!  It did.  My father is accusing us of stealing money from him, selling his stocks, bugging his phone and putting a tracking device on his cell phone.  Oh and Roy has taken all of his tax forms.    In our spare time we are going to his house in the middle of the night and turning on the oven and timers just to scare him.  I wish I had that much spare energy and time.  Of course we haven't done any of those things.  We are now in conversations with his lawyer and we are meeting sometime on Wednesday.  Neither my brother nor I are immune to these accusations because he was accused of things while Dad was in the hospital.  Dad is probably still having series of mini strokes, just like his mother.  Toward the end of her being mentally competent days, she accused my father of stealing money, not writing checks to pay the bills and generally had huge trust issues.  He is walking down that same road.  It is sad to watch him take that journey.  I know he's been banking on the fact that my health has been improving and I'd be able to help him more.  Sadly, the tremendous amount of stress and chaos and accusations sets me back.  It takes me out of the parameters that have been set for me to live within.  It has literally taken me 2 weeks to recover.  It has been really hard on me.  We had so hoped that he would be able to travel and do things after my mother passed away but it is the story of most care givers.  They have neglected their own health and well being while caring for a loved one, that it soon catches up with them.  There is some part of me that thinks he might not be as delusional as we think.  He seems to know who to tell what stories to because we are all hearing different stories.  I have been asked by his attorney not to call him. 

The series of events and my feelings toward everything are so mixed.  I know that these accusations are the standard of old age and many before and many after will be accused wrongly by family members, but this has hurt me deeply.  The Bible says where your heart is, there your treasure will be and out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.  The anger that has been directed at us and the words of accusation are coming from a deep place where my father's heart and mind reside.  He has always been a brooder and he rehearses every slight and perceived wrong over and over and will gladly tell his story of being wronged to anyone who will listen.  It is interesting that the few people I know who are quick to say, I don't hold grudges, seem to be the very people who hold grudges...hold them tight, think about them often and to are alert to any opportunity or opening to exact revenge. 

I am so thankful for the word I received from the Lord just days before everything began going downhill, even more than expected.  His Word is steadfast and secure.  It gives strength and comfort in the fight.  We decided last week to do Easter a little differently this year.  Roy went to a sunrise service outdoors here in Katy.  In fact it was a pre sunrise service and he was especially blessed by the service.  I am more of a sunset service person, so we planned to go to the 5:30 service at our church.  I had watched on the website, the worship portion of the service led by the choir and orchestra at 8:00 am.  I was so blessed and worshipped right along with them but I didn't hear Pastor Gregg's message because I needed to respond to dad's lawyer.  As the evening grew near, we decided to stay home.  I went outside and the birds sang for over 30 minutes and their praise of God, led me to worship Him right there on the back porch watching the beautiful sunset.  No slick production values (I do love them) and no Easter stirring sermon but simply the wondrous display of God's creation rejoicing that He is Risen, He is Risen Indeed!



2 comments:

courtney said...

Mon. hang in there. i'm praying for you.

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Just caught up on all you have been through.....I could write a book on sinilar things with my parents...

Praying for you...
Teresa