Friday, April 1, 2011

De-Cluttering, Depending and Intentional

"The earth is the Lord's, and EVERYTHING in it, the world and all who live in it." Psalm 24:1. I emphasized everything because I am starting to believe that I have been storing lots of stuff on this earth, behind cabinet doors, stuffed inside drawers and hanging in and on every available space that maybe just maybe the Lord doesn't want stored anymore. It is difficult to believe what we have kept all these years merely due to the fact we have put it away and that's it. Out of sight, out of mind. My goodness I have found First Editions, the former newsletter from church, and I've skimmed over them to see if there was a reason I kept it. So far nothing has been keep it worthy. If it had any meaning whatsoever, I have no remembrance of anything specially written. I'm still overwhelmed even with the major purging we did after Roy's mother died of all kinds of things. We were overcome with the amount of stuff she'd kept. Even overwhelmed now with most of her mail still coming to us even though we have notified ministries, financial advice newsletters and tons of health related mailings of her passing. It seems the only one so far that has stopped sending mail is the Benedictine Sisters in Indiana.

Sometimes it is difficult to make the decision of what to keep when it comes to the little things. Will I ever use that frame again? Did this little knick knack have any special meaning? Did it belong to someone who has passed on or is it a little something that I have picked up along the way on various trips? Today I carefully packed away a clay pot family my mother made for me. Husband, wife, son, dog and kitty cat complete with accessories and lots of Spanish moss. I love that little clay family and it brings me much joy. I wonder if they are even going to fit into the "decor" of the new house or if they will be relegated to storage? I am such a huge fan of folk art. I also want the folk art of my metal collection to be on display. It was so much fun going around on the back roads in Texas and collecting these pieces and I consider them works of art, no matter anyone else's opinion.

I came across a huge box of pens that we bought over a period of months because we were told that this particular style and brand would no longer be offered. Well whoever told me that was wrong. We don't need to purchase or acquire give away pens for a lot of years. Now saying that and with pens and journals being a big part of the books and journals that surely a love language, doesn't mean I will stop getting new pens. I'd make a vow but I have already broken the guidelines I set for myself on books, clothes and hair products.

It is something to ponder all this stuff we have acquired throughout the years. What was the inner need that made me think that my life was empty and needed to be filled with retail therapy? It is stupid but when I played tennis and because most of the women I played with on teams with or had fun games scheduled were rather wealthy. It is funny to me now because I see it for the truth that was so evident to them but not to me...even the stuff I bought to "keep up" or feel accepted by them wasn't of the quality of things that they possessed. I was such a wanna be with them. I always said they let me into their world but I was not of their world. Then there were some difficult years beginning around 2003 that affected me well into 2008. A great part of that time I was dealing with severe depression. It was all I could do to muster up the energy to go to work. I would just do the bare minimum emotion wise and come home crash and sleep until it was time to get up the next morning. Honestly, I don't really remember too much during some of that time. Huge chunks of time with no memories. I do remember that my therapist wanted me to go on some anti-depressants to help take the edge off the emotional turmoil and Roy begged me not to start on them. I deferred to his opinion and so that made living life a little harder and a lot more work. I'm so glad now that I shall I dare say it, submitted to him. And I wonder if I bought stuff then hoping that maybe it would kick start me into life. I have come across some stuff that's I'm thinking, what was I thinking? Realizing this now is almost making me depressed. Those were years that I did hard work on issues and problems that had dogged me for many years and although I had made some good strides in being healthy, I needed that extra help from a therapist who saved my life. She got me back on the correct path and I learned such valuable life changing principles from her. Sometimes even now when I quote her I'll say to the person I'm talking with, I paid thousands of dollars for this advice and I will give it to you for free!

Even now I will come across clothes and wonder why I never even thought of them. Then I remembered, I wore the same things during that really rough time of 2003, 2004 and 2005. Since 2008 I have been too restricted in activities due to my heart issues to really do an old fashined, butt kicking cleaning. That's also when we got rid of our maid because Roy didn't think she was doing that great of a job and he promised me we could keep up with everything. Well of course we know now, that wasn't true. Such high hopes from the eternal optimist.

Yet at the same time there are things I'm so happy we bought, those metal candle lantern tall glass kind of things, a couple of tables, and stuff like that. I think they'll fit in right nicely with everything that Dani has in mind. I must be the most casual style client she has ever worked with. Y'all, we are very laid back and casual. Done formal, moved on... She is in Round Top now and has called in with some fun sounding items.

So, yes I have gone on too long about stuff and it has my attention though spiritually. What stuff am I lugging around now and storing that the Lord would really like me to Spring clean to the spiritual curb? Is He waiting for me to trust Him so that He can begin a work, a construction zone in me? Just like we are waiting for on our house? Am I paying attention to Him and looking for the smallest detail and little things and the end result will be peace? The next few months will probably tend to be on the noisy, chaotic side of life. Will I learn to be still? Will my desire be to delight in the Lord? Will I rest and wait patiently? Will we be ready for that spacious place of the Lord's? I hope to answer yes, so in the meantime I'll continue the war against clutter, be intentional in what's going into our new home but most importantly wage the good fight in His strength against the clutter and intentional in what occupies my spirit and heart.


courtney said...

I would love to encourage you today and tell you that one of the highlights of those 2003-2008 years was getting to know you. You ministered so much to me when my cousin died in '05. And I have the fondest memories of our "Seinfeld" conversations and TBDs. much love to you, friend.

Nancy Mon said...

Thanks CourtneyS. A huge joy of life is knowing you, laughing with you, weeping with you, rejoicing with you and sharing such a great and meaningful friendship with you. And yes, once things are framed in and we know what the yard looks like, we need to make a trip out to the lot for some much needed gardening advice and some good friend time!

annette said...

Isn't it funny how the physical things going on in our lives parallel the spiritual so often! Decluttering inside and out is very therapeutic. Wishing you much joy as you live unencumbered, and enjoy the new home, new life. You're always inspiring to read, and often funny--which is a delightful added bonus! Hope to see you tomorrow.