Wednesday, January 7, 2015

For I'm Trained, Trained, Trained! No Not Really....

From time to time, from season to season, Roy accepts and is patient with my ADD and then there are times and seasons that it seems to be too much for him to understand and he gets impatient with me and thus turns to his default "work" mode to help me.  Only thing, it doesn't all...really.  A couple of days before we left for Asheville at Christmas I left my breakfast plate with a piece of crust on it in front of the computer in his study.  He woke me up the next morning, and began explaining to me before he left for work, why I needed to train myself to put plates up.  Blah, blah, blah...what will I do when he is not in NC with me?  I was thinking, uh, pick up the stupid plate whenever I want to.  Now, it is not like I leave plates around the house or in his office often...but that morning, oh probably around 5:00 am, I just listened and didn't comment.  Not because I am so loving and kind...can be, no this was just one of those things I would stick in my back pocket cause I knew the opportunity would arise and I would get to be the one who talked about training...  I did not have to wait very long.  Just that evening, he left several of his coats and jackets on couches and chairs.  So, I said to know....if you would just train yourself to hang up your coats and jackets they wouldn't be located all around the house.  Later still, if you would just throw away the empty bottle that held your flavored could train yourself to do that and not have to rush around like a nut before Chris comes...  Guess y'all are getting the picture.  We laugh about it now and I told him, think through what you say because if you are as guilty as the one you are trying to "train" it will come back to bite you.  I mean really, I hadn't heard the word train used so much since my Campus Crusade days back in high school and at the beginning of college.  Training is a buzz word for CCC or CRUD or CLUE or CRU or whatever they call themselves now.

So things are going along swimmingly.  I tried to explain my brain and how it works on our trip.  Really, the song Carol of the Bells is a wonderful example.  All the parts and layering and the total hyperness of the song.  Even gave Roy an article to read the ADD riddled brain.

Then this morning...because I stayed up a little later than usual and had plans to sleep in a bit, I get a phone call from Roy...early....errrrrrrrr....lllllly to tell me that the wind is going to increase by noon.  Would I make sure the big box I left outside last put up so the wind doesn't blow it around and because the empty box could be an attractive nuisance for anyone thinking about stealing a box off a porch.  We don't have a porch here, so guess he meant the courtyard.  Now, yesterday, I made taco soup for dinner which means a lot of cans, packages and paper are generated that filled an almost full can. I even took the full trash bag out of the trash can and put it aside for just a moment before taking it out to the trash.  I was pretty happy with myself cause sometimes I just keep piling the garbage in and wait for Roy to come home and take care of it.  I had done so many things around here and did I mention I made dinner?  Can I help it that at the moment when Kendra was leaving, the Fed Ex man is arriving delivering two boxes which contain nightstands?  Then, the trash guys come around as soon as Kendra and Fed Ex leave?  I mean you have to have trash cans to put trash into, right?  So, I go outside and bring in the trash cans but our LSU signs are still in the yard and we take them down when football season is over, so I get one of them and put it away but wonder if there is a box cutter to open up the boxes on the courtyard instead of bringing them into the house and getting paper, Styrofoam and cardboard everywhere.  Can't find a box cutter, so back into the house for a pair of scissors leaving one LSU sign still up in the yard but I begin working on a box.  It is well protected this nightstand, so after going through three layers of cardboard, foam and tape I put the nightstand and the second box in the casita bedroom.  The phone is ringing so I go inside to answer the phone, then fold towels, and sit down to wait for Roy to come home by reading a book.  The garbage bag was totally forgotten about until Roy came home and went into the kitchen.  He picks up the bag, looks at me...I'm thinking if he starts talking about training....  He takes the bag and he is making a face at me like he is so totally disgusted with me as he takes it to the trash can I so kindly brought in earlier in the garage.  He wasn't happy with me but really, my ADD seems to be worse which might be due to the fact I am constantly thinking about NC in some shape or fashion.

So this morning when I went outside to put the box in the recycle bin, it was no where to be found.  The box that is.  I checked the front and side yards...I'm thinking, I have got to find this box!  Roy called so early about it, our address and packing slip are probably on it and that's when I noticed some cardboard and formed Styrofoam just a little past the driveway.  So I begin traipsing through the neighborhood, picking up cardboard, following the trail of the missing box.  Did I mention I hadn't brushed my hair or put on any makeup.  I am surprised no one called the sheriff about a crazy lady, with Bozo the Clown hair, talking to herself and carrying bits and pieces of foam and cardboard walking around the neighborhood, maybe a little too close to the pocket park where children might be playing.  I gave up when a piece of the cardboard gave me a nice sized paper cut which wouldn't stop bleeding.  Thank you low dose aspirins.  So now add all the above crazy elements and blood dripping profusely from a finger, my middle finger.  I decided to come home, stop the bleeding and maybe call the sheriff office to let them know mischief might be afoot in Rancho De Five.  The criminals only got an empty box, next time it could be something from Nordstrom.  Then I would call Roy and tell him, it's gone.  Right before I went on the box search I emailed Roy to tell him what I was going to do and since my cell phone doesn't work too well outside of the house, nothing came through from him.  He had called and texted letting me know the box was in the garage.  I returned home bleeding and with several messages from him...he thought he would "teach" me a lesson about leaving a box outside, overnight. He had torn it down and put it in the recycle bin last night.  Didn't I hear him going out the front door several times last night?  No, I'm sorry but when the first new show of Dance Moms is on for the fifth season, my attention is directed onto, 'where is Christi and Chloe?'  He wanted to know why didn't I start in the garage?  Because he called early and made a big deal out of the box debacle, I trusted him.  (Insert knife)  I didn't think he would do something like that to me.  (Now turn the knife and maybe add a touch of salt)   He felt guilty.  He wanted me to go to Urgent Care to take care of my finger.  I told him I would have to go to Urgent Hair first.  After a few moments, his guilt must have assuaged because he asked me, "do you own a pair of work gloves?  Why don't you wear work gloves with these kind of materials?"  Oh yes, Bozo, carrying cardboard and foam, with blood dripping from a middle finger and work gloves.  I told him, uh, why would I wear work gloves to carry a box?  Oh, he so wants to train me....He sends me safety moments from work every morning.

So here it is, what to get positively out of this whole experience?

Thankful that baby aspirin is working diminishing my stroke chance.
Roy suggested I would maybe have something to blog about today...
That my goal oriented, spreadsheet will work for anything husband, felt guilt for his little joke.
I learned the value of training my mind to......look squirrel!!!!

Yep, that's about it.

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