On Friday, I began looking at the homework for our study of Luke in CBS and while reading the first chapter the words of Elizabeth jumped off the page in verse 25, 'how kind the Lord is!"
Saturday morning I read an article on a blog, How to Deal With a Narcissist. It was a random article and it was a random action to actually read it, but in the midst of Saturday, I soon came to know it was the kindness of God.
Narcissists are masters at manipulation. They are often intelligent and charming when you first meet them. In the beginning, you hold them to such high esteem (of course to which they are fully aware) and they love to bask in your adulation.
But once you catch on to their tactics, and question behavior
that is opposite of their once-charming selves, they become deeply threatened.
They will then paint themselves as a victim and you as their aggressor, and
expertly blame you for the relationship's demise, and all other misfortunes in
their life....
You must remember, this vortex is a trap. By replying to him (no
matter how negative), it feeds his narcissistic supply -- a.k.a, his false
sense of self that he is better than you (or anyone else for that matter).
Learning how to deal with a narcissist can't be accomplished by
reading just this one blog. It takes skill, practice, reading books on the
subject and perhaps coaching or therapy. Whatever you do, don't try to learn
this alone.
Saturday afternoon I talked to the last person in my father's posse. He has run off everyone with his accusations and imagined conspiracy theories aimed at him by them. She has volunteered to get the boxes he has for me and to bring them over. At one time she believed all his lies and stories but after conversations with my brother, she knows now not to believe everything my father says and swears as truth. As we talked and as she expressed hope for reconciliation, the words from that morning's reading tempered my replies because nothing will change, he will continue accusations and the fact is, he has lied to himself so many times through the years, he is unable to distinguish truth and fact from his wild, made up fantasies of stealing and taking. In fact she is not really sure there are people who have bought his house and this is another ruse to keep living in his home when it really isn't safe for him to do so. These past few years when APS or the police call, I thought his accusations and lies were cyclical but she said he accuses me of theft or deception every day that she sees or speaks with him. Funny, she said she has found everything that he has ever accused me of taking, so then his accusations are, I come over and move his things. Nancy, what do you do in your spare time? Oh, I love to drive forty miles one way everyday to move pencils and pens and turn on water at my father's house. REALLY!!!! He is unable to see how ridiculous it all is.
God's kindness on Saturday was reading a random article I saw on Twitter, helping me form my replies in love and truth and remembering wise words from my therapist, that I am not willing to go back to the trap of his narcissistic vortex. The conclusion from this blog I read on Saturday on how to deal with a narcissist is to limit contact and communication and thus this has been the result. And that my friends has been God's kindness
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