Monday, February 23, 2015

We Make Everything Groovy

Well, I took a walk on the wild side today and bought something rather impulsively.  I'm actually kind of excited about this purchase and I will be kicking it old school on my manual typewriter.  Sometimes with the creative journaling I do and no that doesn't mean I embellish stories in my journal, well not all the time, but a typewriter font is so cool for some of that kind of work.  I know when I get to NC, I won't have a printer for a while and I'll be using a computer I don't really like.  We are waiting for Windows 10 because we do not like at all Windows 8.  So today, as I pack up boxes and look for something fun during my breaks, there was research to be done on manual typewriters.  Oh for a bit I considered buying an original but decided to order it from The Vermont Country Store because they stand behind their products.  So, yes that is the wild side from Rancho De Five.

Speaking of wild side, we picked up Roy's Terratrike at the bike shop...near the hood.  Roy had them put 24 inch wheels on his trek which enables him to ride on trails and grass without getting stuck.  It is very helpful out here by the lake and water feature with scores of children, adults, bikes and trikes on the trails and paths.  This will let Roy maneuver better around them.  When we dropped it off last weekend, it was done without incident but yesterday we had a little scare.  We were putting Roy's trek in the back of Sequisha and I had moved from the back door up to the side of the car to help guide the wheels into the proper place.  I could sense there was a car driving up slowly behind us and my street smarts kicked in, on full alert.  I am probably just a incident or reminder away from PTSD. As the car began to slow in the approach, I turned to see if there was anyone behind us to catch us unaware.  The two ladies in the car asked how fast Roy's trek would go.  That seemed kind of strange because the conversation did not begin with, I have been thinking about or we have seen these before, do you like it better than a regular bike?  Roy approached cautiously while I kept my finger on the alarm, not that it would do any good because no one ever pays attention to car alarms.  I kept my eyes peeled for any movement from any other side of the car and believe it or not, I was ready to take a bullet for Roy.  Roy was kind but abrupt to them and he turned back to arranging the trek in the back...that's when he rolled that thing over my fingers twice and the chain was rubbing against a white rolling cart we had purchased before going near the hood.  These past few years I have been calmer and slower to react because health-wise I cannot afford anger but in that moment of pain and stress of the situation, I reacted complete with a cuss word I'm not too proud about but there for a moment, angry, quick to react, mad Nancy appeared and both Roy and I believe that reaction that included some pent up feelings scared the be-jabbers out of the ladies in the car and their posse posed to rob us.  There in that moment I experienced the fear that became all too regular before we moved to the condo.  All those feelings from the attempted car jacking, the fear of being followed while I walked the dog and the summer of riots at the pool, shootings in the neighborhood and a loaded gun thrown onto our front yard flooded my being and took over emotions for that brief time.  I think at first Roy thought I was upset about him running over my fingers but then he knew.  I apologized to him and we returned home.  I returned home exhausted and took a nap and really for the rest of the evening I ensconced myself in Downton Abbey. Now when I get angry or stressed, blood vessels break because my circulation isn't good due to my heart overworking.  Only as I began to fall asleep that night did I put it all together, the quick anger.  I remember my therapist once told me anything that causes immediate anger is transference from something or someone in the past to the immediate.  In the moment I couldn't see that attacks and fear from my childhood, then to the years we lived in our townhouse, returned with a vengeance, in a moment.

One more wild side and then I will be done.  Around 3:00 am I heard water running.  Roy was in the shower, so I went to tell him it was 3:00 o'clock, he didn't need to be up yet.  Because he was stopped up with the temp change and because he said he stunk from trek riding, he needed to get up, shower, so he could breath.  He came right back to bed.  And then in about an hour and fifteen minutes, he was back up, taking another shower to get ready for the day.  I don't think he was sleep walking because he knows he did it, but for a good hour of sleep, he had to take care of things first.  And he wonders why I stay so tired?  Between he and Buddy, I think I am awake every two to three hours.

That's our wild side.  Stay tuned for dishwasher unloading, laundry, and other wild side activities...maybe a trip to Luby's.  We are wild things, we make your heart sing, we make everything groovy.

No comments: