I had sushi for lunch today and then ran over to talk iPods and new phone accessories with my tech guy.
Doesn't that sound like I am so urbane and hip? I did do that at lunch today only my sushi was faux sushi-California roll and it was from the Kroger. My tech guy? The guy working at Radio Shack today helped me with an iPod accessory. I also tried to buy a phone charger for my car, but he didn't have the one I need.
It is so easy to make our lives sound so exciting. We tell the truth, but not the whole truth. We leave out important elements. Mainly we do this kind of stuff when we are working so hard at our own PR and appearance of a hip life, but in reality we are just wanna be's.
When I played tennis, I was a wanna be. Now my game and skill as a tennis player spoke for themselves. It was the off the court spin. I mean really who was I kidding? Most of these women had millions of dollars at their disposal. My discretionary income was about $50 bucks a week. That might have been on a good week. I could make our weekends sound so exciting. The places we went and I remember one kicker, Piney Point turns into Fondren past Westheimer. We lived in the Fondren area, not the best place to live, full of crime. But I would say when asked where I lived...oh just down the street aways from you...if they lived off of Piney Point. Or I live just a few miles from the U Club...it wasn't the miles, it was location, location, location.
Wanna be's want to know the scoop. They have an insatiable desire to be in the "know" before everyone else. They want to be at all the right parties, want to be included in all the right church meetings, and they want to know all the "right" people in the church. Then wanna be's want you to know they know the scoop, but they have to be very careful in revealing the in the know. Instead of saying John and Mary are having financial problems, those problems are affecting their marriage, so John may have to decline the upcoming deacon nomination. This how they get around it, "someone who has the same name as the Beloved Disciple and his wife's name is the same as our Lord and Savior's mother...are having problems. " If you are John and Mary, those clues aren't exactly going to hide your identity...but that is how wanna be's work.
In my heart and spirit I hear the Lord speaking loud and clear to me, don't be a spiritual wanna be. Be the real thing. Let His life and His strength do the declaring not my flesh crying out wanna be, wanna be. We all see wanna be happening in and around us. We know the words to speak, the right voice inflection, and on a good day we can throw in a Bible verse where we actually know the location.
I keep thinking of Ezra 8:22. Ezra knew he had declared what God can do to the King, he knew he could not go and ask for soldiers for protection. I have been thinking about this for the past few months.
My thing can be standing and declaring I trust in the Lord, He is my strength and song, He is near to the broken hearted and those crushed in spirit. But in my mind I might be thinking, I always have to be the strong one, everyone depends on me, when can I be the one who gets to cry about everything and have others come to my rescue and maybe if I am lucky work a casserole out of it? I am just being a wanna be.
Many have lived their entire Christian life on the two roads. Spiritual in declaring, wanna be in application. We all know people who play this game so well. Their cry is for ministry and God's will, only they don't really want to do the hard work that could be involved. They just want to talk about it...
With that all said, I am writing from the bottom of my heart, I want to live an authentic life and uplift the Name above all Names. I don't want to go to the land of "What If" and negate the power of our Risen Savior Jesus. I am watching Roy walk authentically with his faith rooted and grounded in the Word of God. For lack of a better phrase, he is walking the walk. His talk and walk line up with God's Word.
Last week he got some of the results from the tests he has been going through. This Friday morning he will be having more tests which will include bone scan, some x-rays and possibly a bone marrow test. Then he and I will have a consultation with the Dr on July 1st. The DR says it could be something or it could be nothing. If it is something, it has been found very early and the opportunity for quick action will be promising.
Our prayer is for it to be nothing. I am reading Psalm 103 every day and using those words to pray for Roy. I want to be as real as I can be...I don't want to be just saying the right thing and then falling apart at home. Sometimes it is tempting, but I like the verse that our Pastor had us repeat and memorize yesterday morning, Exodus 14:14. "The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest." Amplified Bible Our sermon notes said the rhythm of stillness and movement brings provision. Because in verse 15 God tells Moses to tell the people to go forward.
I write and tell you all this not to be living in the dark. I write and speak of my weakness and the temptation to run to the end of our transition instead of staying in the moment we are living and walking in. I don't want to be a wanna be!!!!! I am asking y'all, if you would like to, to join in agreement and believe God that this is nothing. I am not asking you all to pray and then I sit back while God's people call on the Lord for Roy. No, we are doing the hard prayer work and trust God with the results.
Well, Roy just called and he is taking me out to dinner tonight. Oh we will probably have mixed green salad and maybe some pasta at a little place just down the street. People know about the place, but sometimes it is hard to get to. They know us there and we'll probably be given some complimentary dessert. Complimentary is cuisine talk for free....
Uh, we are going to Roy's favorite...Sweet Tomatoes...