Monday, March 24, 2014

New Vision, New View After a Bad First Attempt

The tree on the green space, the closest one to our house is nearly leafed out.  Two weeks ago this tree was bare, last week small buds appeared and each day since then the leaves are coming alive with that spring green shading before maturing into the dark green of summer.  This tree has won the first to leaf race with all the other trees but they are coming along nicely and will soon be providing shade.   Since we've experienced one more cool front, we turned on the fireplace and enjoyed the beauty of a fireplace fully alive with color and fire. 

I continue to see how helpful it is to live with fresh eyes when viewing the all too familiar circumstances.  This weekend I saw a picture on FB and was thrilled for the people in it.  Unfortunately, I let the old tapes in my head dictate my further reaction.  I messaged someone who I knew would know the happenings and I was assured there wasn't any malice or mean intent by being left out.  There were backstory circumstances that I knew nothing about.  Because of dealing with a loved one who jumps to conclusions and ties together a neat package of unrelated facts to form conspiracy theories daily, I had fallen into that trap that I have so carefully avoided. In addition to the picture there was a comment that made me think the loved one who turned us in to APS was at their evil work again.  Ladies and Gentlemen, wrapped together hurt and fear is not a good combination.  I read books and articles so often encouraging the practice of seeing circumstances and situations differently.  To see circumstances with the eyes of a child or seeing the handiwork of God.  Trees and flowers, not hard to see with joy and gratitude.  Something that looks like but isn't the same old junk, a little more challenging to see with joy and gratitude.  I flunked on my first shot but have passed on my second attempt of viewing. 

I stayed up much later than usual Saturday because I was thinking and pondering stuff from the paragraph above and praying and asking God for a renewed mind and fresh vision.  Thus, Roy let me sleep in on Sunday.  I so appreciate his concern and love.  We brunched at Las Alamada's and went to pick up my trek from the bike shop.  It wasn't ready then but we were able to pick it up later in the day.  I am ready to ride. 

This has been a great reminder the effect of a controlling and manipulative person can have even when there is distance of time.  All of this was a surprise to find myself going through fearful thoughts and anxiety.  Now I hope to be better prepared and not so quick to dive into the cesspool of conspiracy and fear and hurt.  As we have been studying in Genesis, God uses unusual and not our ways to refine us into His image.  After all of their junk I still have a sense of sorry for them.  Life could have been more delightful but their path is littered with people who they've used and discarded and their mind is filled with hurts and conspiracy mostly imagined.  Slowly but surely their posse is dwindling and is down to one.  Dementia plays a part but I don't know how much of it is dementia and how much of it is their life, who've they always been. 

Roy's journey into the political process is no more.  He went to the meeting Saturday morning, was engaged through the first thirty minutes, wanting to go to the state convention and poof, when they dismissed for thirty minutes, he left and came home.  Grass root adventure over and done with after ensuing boredom.

We had a wonderful Saturday filled with all kinds of fun stuff.  We ate lunch and dinner out which is always a huge plus in my book.  Had some delicious cornmeal fried shrimp and hush puppies.  I felt all southern after that.  We also knocked off a few more to do things Saturday. 

Today is my only ease into the day this week.  I have Bible study and several doctor appointments this week and on Friday, Emmanuel for a haircut. 

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