Saturday, March 1, 2014

An Anniversary...Taking Care With the Small

I never tire of the views from our windows facing east.  Close in the bird feeder and bath keep me entertained with the daily life of various species of birds, from the raiding hordes of black crows to the smallest finch.  In between are the doves and the feeder clearing mockingbirds with a few sparrows thrown in for good measure.  Now seeing that on a regular basis is entertaining.  The gently sloping lawn ending at the edge of the creek (water feature that is really a natural feature) abundant with all kinds of trees.  In the early evening the bunnies come out but the early morning belongs to the chirping and singing birds.  Across the creek are huge homes and the brightness of their lights illumine the sky.  I can watch the sunrise and the changing shape and colors of the clouds as they frame the beginning of the day.  What I have not known of school mornings is the abundance of little ones waiting for the bus with a mom or sometimes a dad.  Thursday morning stopped behind the school bus picking up the neighborhood children provided a poignant scene that populates cities and communities around the nation.  It was a tad chilly Thursday morning and the smallest ones were bundled up the most.  I can't even imagine the scene in colder climes.  The red lights of the bus turned yellow and the stop sign on the side pulled back in; we were all off to start our mornings.  Only, I think, my morning of breakfast at BWC and Bible study was the better morning.  The lovely beginnings in Rancho De Five. 

Last night I went back to last year on the ol' Monablog.  March 1 is the one year anniversary of returning to the land of the living.  After five and half years of starts and stops, procedures and meds, of hope and some despair, the true and wondrous answer to my speedy beating heart occurred on this day of 2013.  I was intrigued with the mapping of my heart but not too thrilled with my veins as they would not cooperate with anyone.   A side note of a true miracle, being able to stay still for 12 hours after the surgery,but the true miracle was the immediate change in energy and even in my appearance.  In my journal I wrote in the approaching days and then in the aftermath of vigor that I did not want to lose to busyness and distraction the truths I had learned in the ins and outs of my journey.  While reading Breath for the Bones by Luci Shaw last night the reminder to take life in a slow manner even when I find myself in a fast pace and noticing the little things are two HUGE changes that came about in the heart journey.  This past year I have made deliberate decisions and changes to effect the status quo of slow and notice.   Sometimes I think I may have slowed down a little too much.  Fatigue was my master since 2008 and even the little bit of energy I needed to read a book back then, drained me.  Now I read with interest and energy, learning and being entertained and since books and reading and writing are some of my love languages, I love spending a lot of time doing just that.  Today I rejoice in the words my Dr told me on my follow up visit, if I made it a year without my heart going out of rhythm I have an 80% chance of not needing another ablation in the near future.  I made it a year!  I am a part of the 80%.  Last night as Roy was starting to drift into sleep and snoring, I asked him if he knew what we were doing this time last year?  St Luke's?  Texas Heart Institute?  It all started coming back to him and his voice gave away his amazement that it had already been a year.  He recalled all the stages of healing along the way.  I am remembering that the Lord sent a doctor, a believer and fellow sister of Christ, to visit with me about the procedure.  She stayed with us as David, Emily, Roy and I prayed.  She assured me of her presence and prayer in the OR but more importantly of the  assurance of God's presence in that OR.  This morning my heart is secure and safe with Him.  In Breath of the Bones Luci Shaw lists the 'small' things that happened in the stories of the Bible and the list is rather long and by no means complete but her point is well proved.  My soul and spirit have been recharged by this book, Walking on Water by Madeleine L'Engle and the Leadership Freak blog.   My tanks are being refilled by poetic narrative and rumination of basics bathed in the Word.  Sentences, even run on sentences, that don't break down the mystery of Christ into manageable steps, steps that usually don't include any adventure or avenue of thought. 

I am still amazed when the cardiologist shows you your heart on the screen of an Echocardiogram machine.  You see and hear your heart sloshing and lurching and then the split screen of the before, sloshing and lurching, and the after screen of a heart in beat.  I was told that once your heart either stops for a millisecond or it races to it's own beat and disregards the instructions from your brain, that the two, heart and brain don't ever work together in harmony as they did previously.  The result of this sometimes causes some distracted thoughts and' almost conclusions' that can result in series of panic attacks.  Even this past year I have experienced this but not on the scale of the past years.  You go through the checkpoints of what you know and what you have been taught and the experience is diminished to small portions that you can digest.  In reality it is usually the series of little things and not one complex situation.  I will close with this quote of Luci Shaw.

"I'm reminded of the power of small things in Scripture, things that had large consequences....or of the small events or incidents, which have altered the course of your own life.  Never despise the power of small things, like seeds, to transform the landscape of the heart."

Happy Anniversary Heart!  Here's to new landscaping! 

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