Gymboree! Yipee! Ouch my knee!

Noteworthy event, I worked out at the gym today. Probably the first time since oh maybe about six years ago. It is always a bit intimidating to begin something new, at a new place, by yourself and not be a skinny mini. With the little bit of rain yesterday, I totally talked myself out of going by telling myself grocery shopping was more important. Today I had some help from the enemy to not workout. Scary thoughts of heart attack he threw at me, the lie of totally embarrassing myself, a broken earpiece on my headphones and several all too familiar phrases he throws at all of us. But I went. To make myself feel more comfortable, ahem, I made an appointment next week with Stacey for a massage. Then I walked up the steps and went to the counter to ask for help in finding the recumbent bicycles. The trainer walked me to them, showed me how to get started and I was on my way. I rode for 20 minutes and burned 71 calories. It was like getting back in the saddle again and it was very tempting to over do it, cause it was feeling so good. I stuck to my plan. I worked out my legs and shoulders on machines and called it a day. As I was leaving I ran into a friend from church who works out there. I think seeing Shelly was a total gift from the Lord. In fact we thought we recognized each other earlier but when you get people out of their normal environments where you see them, you kind of doubt it is them. The gift from Him came after I had done what I had purposed to do.


Instead of rewarding myself with a cookie or something like that (we all do that sometimes, don't act all innocent) I went to Barnes and Noble. I was there to buy a gift, but I rewarded myself while there. I also decided to get a Barnes and Noble card since I might find myself there from time to time after a workout.


There is something I am thinking through and I'll write it out over several posts. If anything I write might help you in a similar situation, all glory goes to the Father. A World Lost by Wendell Barry puts some of my thoughts about my particular problem person so well;

"Aunt Judith always asked you for affection before you could give it. For that reason she always needed more affection than what she got. She would drain the world of affection, and then, fearing that it had only been given because she asked for it, she would have to ask for more." "And her demand was inevitable in that hopeless economy of hers, always outran the available supply. As she strove forward with her various claims on other people, she more and more destroyed the possibility of a genuine mutuality with anybody. Her need for love isolated and estranged her from everybody who might have loved her and from everybody who did."

My problem person drains love, life and the want/need to help them out of me and most others who are relatively close to them. Circumstances and situations are so amplified and trumped up that much thought and time goes into any intervention or step into their world. Two of those types of phone calls came yesterday and out of the blue. Really, in my thoughts toward this person I thought they had made a turn and presented a much better behavior throughout the holidays. Yet, I knew I could not fully trust those actions and of course these conversations yesterday bear this out. The ring tone I have given this person is a piercing alarm type ring and it went off as I was checking out at Kroger's yesterday. I let it go to voicemail. Once at home and more composed I listened to the rambling, repetitive message. I prayed and asked God for wisdom. When I called back, it went straight to their voice mail. I gave my opinions on what had been presented and put everything back in their court. Of course a follow up call ensued later in the afternoon. I didn't let it go to voicemail, although I should have. Now a situation has been trumped up, with a little bit of truth involved and the result if their actions follow through will be total pandemonium. When Roy got home we talked through everything. I reviewed notes from my therapist, prayed and let it all go. This morning I have a clearer vision after a good night sleep and Googling the "condition" problem person has. It seems to be a call for attention, making something much bigger than it is. Since I was considering visiting problem person tomorrow since I would be in their part of town, I have decided not to go. When I call them tomorrow afternoon to let them know this news, I am also, as gently as possible, going to recommend different action. Now whether they follow this or not, it is up to them. We all have those people in our lives that push buttons, say words and convey how much more attention they need than what they receive. Just like Aunt Judith in the Barry novel. If I reacted to every attention needing moment from them I would be worn out and not able to help when a real moment comes.


It has been some time since I have had to think on a whirl with this person. Every scenario has to be processed mentally so quickly to be prepared in what direction this person will go. Believe me this person can go all ways at all times. This person is one of the more mean-spirited people I have ever met. I am thankful that the Lord gives wisdom and because of that wisdom some stress filled, horrible times have not had the impact that was intended. And those times where the impact was driven home as intended, God has always been my strength and that which was meant for evil has turned to good.